BWag Reviews

Event Horizon (1997)

Where is MST3K when you need it?

[1/10 · 29 July 2000]

"Event Horizon" is so appallingly bad I kept looking into the lower rightside corner of the screen to see the familiar silhouettes of Joel and the 'bots. This is a haunted house movie set in a spaceship. I can't believe Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill got roped into this turkey. It's so bad I got the giggles about half-way thought and when a freshly demonized Neill appeared as a reincarnation of "Nailhead" from "Hellraiser," I fell out. Truly awful. In the spirit of another reveiwer who wanted a refund of the 90 minutes he wasted watching this, I would also like a refund for the amount of electric current I wasted powering a TV, stereo amplifier and VCR in order to see this lemon.

Diabolique (1955)

Water, water, everywhere

[10/10 · 22 July 2000]

As you watch this, notice the use of water. Dripping, flowing, lying about in stagnant pools. It's a brilliant device in this oppressive, eerie film. This is one of those "often imitated, never copied" sorts of films. Simone Signoret was never better. Unforgettable!

Hal Holbrook: Mark Twain Tonight! (1967 TV Special)

Fabulous!

[10/10 · 20 May 2000]

Hal Holbrook's greatest work. A one-man show in which Holbrook becomes Twain. If this gets people to read more Twain (which everyone should) it's done its job. One of the best things broadcast TV ever did.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

Worst ever

[1/10 · 20 May 2000]

Good Lord, this flick is awful. Lazenby plays Bond like a side of beef. He's not even hammy enough to be memorable. It demands the worst sort of insult one can pay to a Bond movie -- boring! No action. No plot. Telly Savalas as Blofeld? He's awful too. No depth to the relationship between Rigg and Lazenby. This is the womn, the one woman, who gets Bond to the altar and you can't figure out why? They don't especially seem to care for each other.And it's too long. Almost 2 and a half hour! Even the sex isn't very interesting...

Mission to Mars (2000)

Misunderstood

[8/10 · 18 March 2000]

In this era of slam-bam shoot 'em ups and action movies with no story to tell, it's nice to see ascience fiction movie worthy of the name. More in the spirit of classic "voyage to the stars" sci-fi of the kind written by Robery Heinlein, "Mission to Mars" is not without its flaws but overall it holds interest and tells the story. C'mon critics! Let's stop being to cynical and take some time to smell the dilithium crystals...

All the King's Men (1999 TV Movie)

BBC's "Saving Private Ryan"

[9/10 · 27 February 2000]

Surprisingly graphic for British TV, this is the wrenching story of a rifle company composed of estate workers from the King's country home at Sandringham, a sort of perfect Camelot from which men go forth to be slaughtered in World War I. Don't look too hard at the mystery of what happened to this unit, which apparently disappeared into the hell of battle at Gallipoli. More important is the metaphor of the illusion of war-worn "glory" hitting the rerality of modern battle. In much the same way that an egg hits a sidewalk.

The Coca-Cola Kid (1985)

Neat!

[10/10 · 27 February 2000]

American capitalistic imperialism satirized. Both well and truly. Eric Roberts (whatever happend to him?) has never been to possessed as the marketing hotshot from Coca-Cola's Atlanta hq, in Australia to sell the last no-Coca-Cola bastion on earth on the drink's "bubbling brown goodness." And Greta Saachi (hubba-hubba) has never been so fetching or as funny. Watch for the unnerving news provided just before the credits.

Denise Calls Up (1995)

Modern digital alienation

[10 February 2000]

Sure, everyone has this sort of relationship, more phone call than interaction, but ain't it a shame... These are some of the most alienated, dysfunctional people I have ever seen. They're so detached they can't get up and answer the doorbell for a party they're hosting. Or even go to a friend's funeral. This is fabulous ensemble acting, a fact made the more rionic because none of these people actually encounter each other physically. (Of course, writing this commentary on a computer and transmitting it via modem is even more ironic.

The Time of Their Lives (1946)

Their best work

[10/10 · 8 January 2000]

Abbott & Costello were, admittedly, an acquired taste. A little over the top a little too much of the time. But this is their finest work, funny, evocative, with an intriguing plot. Don't get me wrong, Czechov is ain't. But it's solid fun and great for little kids.

The Thin Red Line (1998)

Wide BS Line

[1/10 · 29 December 1999]

Trendy Hollywood hype. This movie does hold together as either a narrative of combat or a work of dramatic fiction. Trite from a dramatic point of view. Filled with errors from an historical point of view. It takes a lot of work to make a compelling story of men under fire into boredom but the director sure succeeded here.