Groucho-45 Reviews

Cellular (2004)

Pure stereotypical drivel at its finest

[2/10 · 14 September 2005]

As usual, they only showed the "good parts" during the previews, which should have lasted all of 10 seconds. I am pretty sure a computer wrote this movie automatically. It was that cardboard cutout and predictable. You have the stereotypical characters getting in the way of the "hero's" progress, you have Kim Basinger who did nothing except quiver and quake and overact badly, you have the good cop/bad cop angle, and you have the tie-in to modern technology. This has been done so many times before(and much better) that I've lost count.

I cannot believe some people actually like this and praised it's writing and acting! I guess if you enjoy a steady diet of Lifetime network movies with some frantic driving thrown in to please the men, then this movie is for you. For the rest, don't waste your time.

The Village (2004)

I was scared that I would not be able to stay awake....

[2/10 · 16 July 2005]

My god. When is this going to end??? I decided to check it out since I heard it was a riveting horror film. But what did I find? A brooding, meaningless, fillibuster of a mess. There isn't really even an implied horror. Some of the decent horror films at least implied there would be something about to happen. But this movie managed to lack even the slightest amount of suspense. This was a period piece where a bunch of obviously bored looking actors spoke ad nauseum about the possibility of the potential that something might happen if one ventured into the woods...One really couldn't care about the characters. The ending was predictable and not at all frightening. All I could do was be thankful that I did not actually pay any money to see this mess. Avoid at all costs!

Black Hawk Down (2001)

Waste of time

[2/10 · 13 December 2002]

It is beyond me how anyone can claim this is a masterpiece. There is no story. If the point is lots of shooting and explosions, then play a video game...Ridley Scott has done much, much better...At least Apocalypse Now and Saving Private Ryan had characters that you cared about. This was totally pointless.

Take a Number (1997)

Not bad if you're into this sort of thing

[6/10 · 15 January 2000]

A group of Twenty-somethings engage in a weekend of bed-hopping. This is sorta The Big Chill in the 90's. In fact that's even referred to in the movie. There are a few witty lines and some nice interplay. If you take it for what it is, it's not bad. (How's that for a ringing endorsement? )