The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Zazzy Substitution (2010)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Penny : Hey Look, it's Shamy.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Shamy?
Sheldon Cooper : Juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon, Amy. Shamy.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh. I don't like that. Don't do that.
Penny : [laughing nervously] All righty. What's new?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, just recently I learned that you refer to us as Shamy, and I don't like that.
Penny : I got that. What I was going for was, you know, how is your life?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Just like everyone else's. Subject to entropy, decay, and eventual death. Thank you for asking.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?
Sheldon Cooper : Uganda.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Defend.
Sheldon Cooper : Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Correct. My turn.
Sheldon Cooper : In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument, on what does Scott Joplin play the "Maple Leaf Rag"?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Tuned bayonets.
Sheldon Cooper : Defend.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Isn't it obvious?
Sheldon Cooper : You're right. My apologies.
Leonard Hofstadter : What the hell are you guys playing?
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Leonard Hofstadter : Cats, Sheldon. You're clearly upset about Amy being gone, and you're trying to replace her with a bunch of cats.
Sheldon Cooper : Clowder.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Sheldon Cooper : A group of cats is a clowder. Or a glaring.
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, yeah, fine.
Sheldon Cooper : It's the kind of thing you ought to know now that we have one.
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Penny : Hey, Sheldon... I hear you broke up with Amy.
Sheldon Cooper : A breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend.
Penny : Wow. That's like the worst country song ever.
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Mary Cooper : Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.
Sheldon Cooper : All right. But you're not fooling me. Whenever you say we have to talk it means you want me to listen.
Mary Cooper : Then stop talking.
Sheldon Cooper : Yes ma'am.
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Mary Cooper : Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of cats and you gave 'em cute Jewish names.
Sheldon Cooper : What are you doing here?
Mary Cooper : Leonard called, and he said that you were pining for a young lady.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that's preposterous. I'm not pining over anyone.
Mary Cooper : Oh, lamb chop, we can quibble what to call it, but I think we can both agree it's creepy.
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Sheldon Cooper : Cats make wonderful companions. They don't argue or question my intellectual authority...
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Leonard Hofstadter : Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious, and frankly, just obnoxious.
Sheldon Cooper : So?
Leonard Hofstadter : So we already have you for all that.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm curious as to why we're not eating alone.
Sheldon Cooper : They can't function without me. I'm the social glue that holds this little group together.
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Sheldon Cooper : I brought Amy here to show her some of the work I'm doing.
Amy Farrah Fowler : It's very impressive, for theoretical work.
Sheldon Cooper : Do I detect a hint of condescension?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm sorry. Was I being too subtle? I meant compared to the real-world applications of neurobiology, theoretical physics is, what's the word I'm looking for? Hmm, cute.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Why is she not taking our order?
Sheldon Cooper : I should have warned you. One has to navigate a labyrinth of social nonsense before one can be fed here.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Really? I assumed an establishment called the Cheesecake Factory would function more efficiently.
Sheldon Cooper : It's how they lure you in. I believe it's called bait and switch
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Sheldon Cooper : Alright, fellas, who's in the mood for Fancy Feast?
[opens can and dumps it in a dish]
Sheldon Cooper : Well that's not fancy at all.
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Sheldon Cooper : Are you suggesting the work of a neurobiologist, like Babinski could ever rise to the significance of a physicist, like Clerk Maxwell or Dirac?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm stating it outright. Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clerk Maxwell.
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Sheldon Cooper : In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver, what food is no longer consumed?
Leonard Hofstadter : Uh... a BLT where the B stands for beaver? I don't know.
Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, be serious. We're playing a game here.
Leonard Hofstadter : I can figure this out, let's see. Um... well, beavers eat tree bark. The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon, so I'll say cinnamon.
Sheldon Cooper : Incorrect. Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Amy Farrah Fowler : In a world ruled by a giant beaver, mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord. The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded, thousands die. Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry. How does one miss that?