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"The Big Bang Theory" The Zazzy Substitution (TV Episode 2010) Poster

Quotes

Penny: Hey Look, it's Shamy.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Shamy?

Sheldon Cooper: Juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon, Amy. Shamy.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh. I don't like that. Don't do that.

Penny: [laughing nervously] All righty. What's new?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, just recently I learned that you refer to us as Shamy, and I don't like that.

Penny: I got that. What I was going for was, you know, how is your life?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Just like everyone else's. Subject to entropy, decay, and eventual death. Thank you for asking.

Amy Farrah Fowler: In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?

Sheldon Cooper: Uganda.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Defend.

Sheldon Cooper: Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Correct. My turn.

Sheldon Cooper: In a world where a piano is a weapon, not a musical instrument, on what does Scott Joplin play the "Maple Leaf Rag"?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Tuned bayonets.

Sheldon Cooper: Defend.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Isn't it obvious?

Sheldon Cooper: You're right. My apologies.

Leonard Hofstadter: What the hell are you guys playing?

Sheldon Cooper: In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver, what food is no longer consumed?

Leonard Hofstadter: Uh... a BLT where the B stands for beaver? I don't know.

Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, be serious. We're playing a game here.

Leonard Hofstadter: I can figure this out, let's see. Um... well, beavers eat tree bark. The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon, so I'll say cinnamon.

Sheldon Cooper: Incorrect. Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.

Leonard Hofstadter: What?

Amy Farrah Fowler: In a world ruled by a giant beaver, mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord. The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded, thousands die. Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry. How does one miss that?

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Amy Farrah Fowler: Perhaps it would be kinder to play a game more suited to his abilities. We'll close our eyes and count to ten while you hide.

Leonard Hofstadter: I'm going to my room.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Very good, Leonard. But next time, don't tell us where you're hiding.

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Raj Koothrappali: Potty is innocent. Potty is adorable.

Howard Wolowitz: [mocking] What do you do in the potty, wee-wee?

Raj Koothrappali: If I don't have to boom-boom.

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Amy Farrah Fowler: I love cats. They're the epitome of indifference.

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Amy Farrah Fowler: Absolutely not. My colleagues and I are mapping the neurological substrates that subserve global information processing, which is required for all cognitive reasoning, including scientific inquiry, making my research ipso facto prior in the ordo cognoscendi. That means it's better than his research, and by extension, of course, yours.

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Leonard Hofstadter: Cats, Sheldon. You're clearly upset about Amy being gone, and you're trying to replace her with a bunch of cats.

Sheldon Cooper: Clowder.

Leonard Hofstadter: What?

Sheldon Cooper: A group of cats is a clowder. Or a glaring.

Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, yeah, fine.

Sheldon Cooper: It's the kind of thing you ought to know now that we have one.

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Mary Cooper: Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of cats and you gave 'em cute Jewish names.

Sheldon Cooper: What are you doing here?

Mary Cooper: Leonard called, and he said that you were pining for a young lady.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh, that's preposterous. I'm not pining over anyone.

Mary Cooper: Oh, lamb chop, we can quibble what to call it, but I think we can both agree it's creepy.

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Mary Cooper: Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.

Sheldon Cooper: All right. But you're not fooling me. Whenever you say we have to talk it means you want me to listen.

Mary Cooper: Then stop talking.

Sheldon Cooper: Yes ma'am.

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