House M.D. (TV Series)

5 to 9 (2010)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : They should be pressuring other hospitals to be more like us, not trying to make us more like them. It's stupid!

  Dr. Gregory House : Putting your job on the line in an effort to stamp out stupidity isn't?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You would.

  Dr. Gregory House : Probably, but then I also wanted to try to cure cancer by infecting a guy with malaria to win a $50 bet. You really want to be like me?

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You're an idiot. What do you do the next time one of your patients needs a liver transplant?

  Dr. Gregory House : Go talk to Wilson about something completely unrelated and see what happens.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [Finding House getting a massage in his office]  What?

  Dr. Gregory House : Would you rather I go back on vicodin?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : She's not massaging your leg.

  Dr. Gregory House : She will... eventually.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy]  If you really wanted to make a deal, you should have ditched the push-up and gone with a demi. Nothing makes a guy wanna close like high beams.

• Dr. Gregory House : You ever noticed how many porn sites have "mom" in the domain name? Hot moms, hungry moms, mature moms. That ought to make you feel pretty good

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to House]  Why am I the only person here who cares what happens to this hospital? Get off your ass and get your department under control. At least for the next few days.

  Dr. Gregory House : It's gonna take longer than a few days for a company the size of Atlanticnet to start feeling the squeeze of your P.R. campaign. If they ever do.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : And you know this how? From all the time you've spent researching them and their other contracts? The way they handle their press relations?

  Dr. Gregory House : I know they have a nascar team. Despite what you may have learned at hebrew school or from Jimmy Cliff, sometimes the bigger they are, the harder they kick your ass.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [as Chase and Dr. Thomas are fighting with each other] 

  [to House] 

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : What the hell is going on?

  Dr. Gregory House : I told them to use their words.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy]  They're not gonna fire you and you're not gonna quit.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Why?

  Dr. Gregory House : Because you're an idiot. This place needs you and that matters to you.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to House]  What do you think of that pharm tech, Gail?

  Dr. Gregory House : She's a sociopath.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You knew she was stealing meds?

  Dr. Gregory House : No, but have you seen the way she opens the mail?