It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

A Very Sunny Christmas (2009)

Charlie Day: Charlie Kelly

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Charlie walks up to a shopping mall Santa Claus as Mac watches, after learning that his mother was a prostitute who had her clients dress up as Santa on Christmas to avoid upsetting Charlie] 

  Santa Claus : Ho ho ho ho. Well, hello! Merry Christmas! So, where's your little one?

  [Charlie sits on Santa's lap] 

  Santa Claus : Oh! Ho ho ho ho, you're a big boy, aren't ya? Ha ha! Uh...

  [to Mac] 

  Santa Claus : Is he retarded? Ah, I got this one.

  [to Charlie] 

  Santa Claus : So, son, what would you like for Christmas, huh?

  Charlie Kelly : Did you fuck my mom?

  Santa Claus : ...What?

  Charlie Kelly : Did you FUCK... my MOM?

  Santa Claus : What d'ya mean? I, uh...

  Charlie Kelly : Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? Did you fuck my mom? Did you fuck her? DID YOU FUCK MY FUCKING MOM? DID YOU FUCK MY MOM, SANTA? AAAAH!

  [Charlie bites Santa's neck, causing blood to spray everywhere, then drags him to the ground and mercilessly beats him in front of hundreds of crying children before Mac finally drags him away] 

• [after watching an old video of a young Mac and his parents stealing presents] 

  Charlie Kelly : Dude, what was that? What just happened? What was that right there? What was the family on the stairs? What was that?

  Mac : That was probally the next family coming in to get their presents.

  Charlie Kelly : What are you talking about? What was happening there?

  Mac : That was the Christmas tradition my parents had. You go from house to house collecting your presents. And then when the next family would come, you would take your presents and run.

  Charlie Kelly : I am not aware of that tradition, Mac. In fact, I think that you and your parents were just stealing from that home.

  Mac : Oh no. I was taking their presents, but they were taking mine. Yeah, dude. That's why there were never any presents at my house on Christmas morning or when we got back. The neighbors took them. It's a South Philadelphia tradition, Charlie.

  Charlie Kelly : No, that makes no sense. People don't do that, dude. That doesn't make any sense.

  Mac : You're telling me that on Christmas morning, you and your mother would not go to your neighbor's house and take their presents?

  Charlie Kelly : No! No one does that!

  Mac : Well, my dad told me that was the tradition.

  Charlie Kelly : Mac, your dad is a convicted thief and a murderer who eats people. So, he's not really trustworthy.

  Mac : This is really dicking with my Christmas spirit.

• Mac : [digging through his childhood stuff and finds Simon game]  Yeah! Boom! 'Member that?

  Charlie Kelly : [gasps]  Simon?

  Mac : Simon.

  Charlie Kelly : Dude, this game was my favorite. Do you remember how challenging this was?

  Mac : Yeah. But Charlie, don't get lost in that, okay? Just...

  [beeps] 

  Charlie Kelly : I got the first one, bro.

  [beeps twice] 

  Charlie Kelly : Uh-oh.

• Dennis Reynolds : If you guys love Christmas so much, why do you always wait until the last possible minute to put up the Christmas decorations? It is the day before Christmas.

  Mac : That's our tradition.

  Charlie Kelly : Yeah, that's what we do. We drink a lot of eggnog. We pass out. And then we don't put anything up, so we do it at the last minute.

  Mac : Yeah, then we wake up at Christmas and celebrate by throwing rocks at moving freight trains.

  Dee Reynolds : Why would grown men throw rocks at trains?

  Mac : Why wouldn't we throw rocks at trains? It's beats throwing rocks at passing cars, or at people.

  Charlie Kelly : It's awesome. That's what you do on Christmas morning. We've been doing it since we were kids. Look, whatever. I'm sorry that we love Christmas and we have awesome Christmas traditions and you guys hate Christmas.

  Mac : They hate Christmas because I always got the best gifts, and Frank always gave them shitty presents.

  Dee Reynolds : You think we don't like Christmas because Frank gave us shitty presents?

  Dennis Reynolds : Is that really what you think? No, Frank didn't buy shitty presents. Frank bought the most awesome presents in the world. As a matter of fact, he would find out whatever Christmas presents we wanted that year... and he would buy them for himself instead of buying them for us.

  Charlie Kelly : Really? That must have been why he wanted me to walkie you guys when you got to the bar. 'Cause he was trying to do something about making your Christmas better. Or worse.