Frankie Boyle: Self

Quotes 

• Dara O'Briain - Host : On an apocalyptic note, why do some people fear the end of the world is gonna happen, next Wednesday

  Frankie Boyle : 'Cause it might well do, because they've created a giant, BLACK HOLE MACHINE in Switzerland.

  Frankie Boyle : [calmly]  A machine that could create a black hole, that will end the universe.

  [pauses] 

  Frankie Boyle : [leans back in pride] 

• Dara O'Briain - Host : The large Hadron Collider in Cern, eh, in Switzerland starts on Wednesday...

  Frankie Boyle : [Cuts him off]  Or to give it it's proper name; the black hole machine?

  Dara O'Briain - Host : I-I, they've taken all necessary precautions.

  Lauren Laverne : They haven't taken the necessary precaution of not doing it though 'ave they, you know what I mean

  [laughs] 

  Frankie Boyle : There's a 1 in 50 million chance that it could create a black hole which will end the universe. Now, I would argue, that if there's any chance of that- like if my, if my kid says to me "can I get a train-set, up in the loft?" i would go "Ok." if it says "could I get a train-set, that might end the universe?" I'd say "Mmm, what about a bike?"

• Frankie Boyle : The thing is, I'm sure they're gonna find out some interesting things about protons, but I would add, I don't give a fuck.

• Frankie Boyle : It's gonna, it might create a tiny black hole, right, which is the worst type of black hole cause we'll all get drawn, slowly, towards Switzerland, and every week this desk'll be like, two feet further over there, and then eventually we'll just look one week and Russell've, have been replaced by just the jaws of infinity.

  Russell Howard : Why was that directed at me, Frankie?

  [mockingly] 

  Russell Howard : 'The jaws of infinity', I thought we were gonna see a cow and chocolate and we'd be in Switzerland, but all of the sudden my eyeballs are sucked out a ma' face? Cause I'm sitting nearest the audience? Why am I the first to go!

  Dara O'Briain - Host : You're nearest to Switzerland, we tilted it around during the show so that you'd be the closest to Switzerland.

  Russell Howard : Well this is bullshit, now.

  Hugh Dennis : No one's gonna die. It's basically...

  Russell Howard : [interrupting]  He just told me I'm gonna die on tele.

  Dara O'Briain - Host : My god I hope we have the cameras rolling when it happens, that'll be great. Just him going 'woa' and clinging on to the desk, right, While we hammer at his fingers, 'Go! Go, proudly, go Russell. Go'

  Russell Howard : You'll be like that 'There's more space on scenes we'd like to seeee'