That's My Boy (2012)
Adam Sandler: Donny
Photos
Quotes
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Donny : I'm going to prison if I don't get 43 large, so...
Vanilla Ice : What, you think I got that kind of money?
Donny : Of course you got that kind of money. Royalties from 'Ice Ice Baby', you must be fuckin' loaded!
Vanilla Ice : Man, listen: Queen took 50 percent, Suge took the other 60 percent. I fuckin' *owe* money when that shit gets played, man!
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Masseuse : [sees 5 dollar bill in Donny's towel] What's this, sir?
Donny : Oh, that's just a little, eheh, tip if you give me a full package.
Masseuse : Oh, okay. That's a 150 dollar additional charge.
Donny : Heh, you're talkin' to the wrong guy. That's a little out of my price range.
Masseuse : It includes scalp treatment, reflexology...
Donny : How much is it to tickle my pickle? To yank my crank? To give me a ho-jo to go? Sweetheart, I'm not asking for a finger up the ass. I just want you to just jerk it a little bit.
Todd : Donny! This isn't a brothel.
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Bridesmaid : So you actually knew Todd's father?
Donny : Of course I knew the guy. He was handsome, he had fuckin' great hair, uh, a Jedi with the chicks. Went down on girls for a wicked long time 'cause he was a giver and he wanted to see others be happy.
Helen : Oh, I wish I could have met him.
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Donny : Hi, I'm Todd Peterson.
Hotel Desk Clerk #1 : No, you're not. You're Donny Berger. You got your teacher pregnant.
Donny : Okay.
[Donny walks over to the next clerk]
Donny : Hi, I'm Todd Peterson.
Hotel Desk Clerk #2 : What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Donny : What room was my fiance in again?
Hotel Desk Clerk #2 : Let me check, 641.
Donny : Thanks, you're a stud.
[the first clerk gives the second clerk a confused look]
Hotel Desk Clerk #2 : Hey, when the legendary Donny Berger comes in here using a fake name, you go with it!
Hotel Desk Clerk #1 : Okay!
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Donny : Chad... Adultery is bad... but incest... is FUCKED UP!
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Donny : We were friends for 20 years, guy!
Vanilla Ice : We were friends until you banged my mother!
Donny : I didn't know it was her, I swear to god! It's not like her last name is Ice!
Vanilla Ice : You should'a known by the haircut!
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Donny : Mrs. Ravensdale, you wanna whip them knockers out? We'd love to see them.
Mrs. Ravensdale : All right, you know what? You are an imbecilic, immature, asinine, childish, cave man-like, hairy knuckled, single chromosomal, obnoxious, uneducated, ignorant asshole who I would like to fuck hard and long!
Donny : So I'm going to go put a dent in that.
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Donny : Facebook? You know I can't afford that shit. What am I, a billionaire?
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[Catches Jamie in bed with Chad]
Donny : Wait... are you ser...? What am i seeing? With each other? Am I...? This is... Is he your stepbrother, at least? Or adopted, or something? No reply, so it's real. Oh my god!
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[from trailer]
Donny : That's my boy!
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Donny : [the waitress brings in drinks] Oh, alright, alright, now we're talkin'. Thanks, honey. What the fuck's your name? Jessica. All right. Hey, come on, here's to the kid! He's fuckin' gettin' all fucked up, huh? Tonight! Last night! Fuckin' last night of poontang for this kid!
[takes large sip from drink, then spits it out all over Jessica and Mrs. Ravensdale]
Donny : What the fuck is this?
Mrs. Ravensdale : It's water infused with cucumber, rose pedal, and harvest sandalwood.
Donny : It tastes like fuckin' dick infused with balls, and a side of fuckin' raw sewage jizz.
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Donny : Look at you guys. You've got your faces covered in leprechaun shit. We should be getting whacked off, all of us, as a fucking team!
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[from trailer]
Donny : Give me another chance. Get to know me a little bit...
