Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Is There a Mrs. Waffles? (2007)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : Oh, Raffi, you magnificent son of a bitch. How does he do it? What does he have that I don't?

  Alan Harper : Well, judging from first impressions: a genuine love of children and bladder control.

  Charlie Harper : That was a cheap shot.

  Alan Harper : I take them when I can.

• Charlie Harper : Who knew there were book stores for kids?

  Alan Harper : Everyone but you.

• Charlie Harper : [on phone]  Well, I'm not going to do it. What are you going to do, sue me? Really?

  [to Alan] 

  Charlie Harper : Can he sue me?

  Alan Harper : Did you sign a contract?

  Charlie Harper : [back on phone]  What time is the concert?

• Charlie : The poster is meant to smell like maple syrup, like me.

  Alan : What? They couldn't make it smell like bourbon?

• Charlie Harper : Hey, guess what?

  Alan Harper : There's no God?

  Charlie Harper : On the contrary. There *is* a God, and he love me long time.