Night Gallery (TV Series) The Diary/A Matter of Semantics/Big Surprise/Professor Peabody's Last Lecture (1971) User Reviews

"Words do not adequately describe my profound emotion."

[classicsoncall · 7/10 · 17 May 2017]

This is a mixed bag of stories with what might possibly be the shortest complete TV segment of all time. That would be 'A Matter of Semantics' featuring Cesar Romero as Count Dracula, who wants to open an account at a blood bank by making a withdrawal! It blows by quickly as a one line joke.

The opener stars Patty Duke in an uncharacteristic role as a totally self absorbed gossip columnist making lives miserable for just about anyone she comes across. Her target in this story is aging screen star Carrie Crane (Virginia Mayo), who at fifty looked pretty good to this viewer. Miss Crane's unexpected gift of a diary to Holly Schaeffer (Duke) comes with pre-written pages in Schaeffer's own handwriting, and the opportunities afforded by some clever writing could have taken this story in any direction at all. As it is, Holly's attempt to write an alternate chapter on day five of her diary genuinely unravels her sanity and consigns her to spend her days in an asylum, a fitting if horrific retribution for the acerbic writer.

Unlike some other reviewers here, I thought the third entry was a hoot, with old man Hawkins (John Carradine) getting his kicks by sending a trio of naïve youngsters on a wild goose chase to find a hidden treasure containing a 'big surprise'. I guess one could interpret this story in any number of ways. Personally, I thought the old coot played one of the biggest practical jokes of all time on the kids. I just had to laugh.

I thought the last segment was building for a really dynamic payoff with Carl Reiner portraying a college professor who holds the ancient gods in contempt and invokes their names to the consternation of his students, who see the sky roiling and the heavens about to exact some sort of vengeance on the rabid teacher. I don't know if the ending was supposed to be scary or funny, but just as I did with Carradine's story, I just had to laugh.

What was the Big Surprise?

[wpennington-62552 · 7/10 · 15 March 2018]

As one can see, there are mixed feelings about the segment entitled "Big Surprise." John Carradine plays a scruffy old man who beckons one day to one of three boys walking home from school. I don't believe the time period is precisely defined, although the boys are walking with their books lashed together with a belt, thrown over their shoulders - a rural practice that my mother spoke of from her childhood in the 1930s.

Carradine gives the boy directions to a place where he should dig down four feet and find a "big surprise." What could it be? A joke? Money? The boys discuss the probabilities and then finally decide to dig for the surprise. All three help dig, but eventually all but the first boy give up and go home. This boy continues to dig until he uncovers a locked wooden box or crate . He breaks the lock and the lid opens on its own. The boy looks in surprise and perhaps fear - it is the old man who comes close to the boy (the camera) and says, creepily, "Surprise."

Now some have supposed that the story is nothing more than an old man's twisted prank, and that may be. But at one point the boys mention that the old man is never seen off his property. The crate/box is locked from the outside until the boy breaks the lock. Me, I fancy that the old man is a spirit or demon confined to the property unless he can convince some hapless passerby to open the demon's only possible escape hatch. Fanciful? Perhaps, but plausible, I think.

Hit or miss assortment of stories but the hits score a bull's eye

[Woodyanders · 7/10 · 4 September 2018]

"The Diary" -- A strange diary reveals the grim future for nasty gossip columnist Holly Schaeffer. This mean-spirited tale leaves an unpleasant aftertaste due to a main character who's extremely hateful and obnoxious. That said, it's still satisfying to see the despicable Schaeffer get her just harsh desserts at the conclusion.

"A Matter of Semantics" -- Count Dracula (an amusing turn by Cesar Romero) visits a blood bank to make a withdrawal. Fairly funny one-joke premise with an obvious, but decent punchline.

"Big Surprise" -- Creepy old hermit Hawkins (John Carradine in fine lively form) promises three boys that if they dig open a ditch they will find a big surprise waiting for them. Director Jeannot Szwarc ably crafts a spooky atmosphere and the twist ending packs a wickedly uproarious punch.

"Professor Peabody's Last Lecture" -- Snide and condescending professor Peabody (a hilariously pompous portrayal by Carl Reiner) savagely mocks ancient powerful gods while delivering a lecture to his class. Reiner not only has a robust ball with his juicy role, but also there are several inspired in-jokes concerning the names of Peabody's students. Moreover, this particular segment boasts a real corker of an outrageous climax.

Big Surprise wasn't much of a surprise

[stones78 · 9 December 2010]

I happen to agree with the reviewer who thought the "surprise" was a bit of a letdown. The short episode certainly had a terrific suspenseful plot, which has an old farmer(played brilliantly by creepy John Carradine)promising a young boy a big surprise, if he agrees to dig where the farmer told him to. Naturally, the 3 kids are intrigued by the idea of what could be under ground; one of them thinks it could be money, another thinks it's probably a prank. I liked the atmosphere of the digging area, with the surrounding church, farm, and trees, although it may have been creepier if this scene occurred during the evening instead of the middle of the day. The 3 begin to dig and bark at each other because nothing's been found yet, so 2 of the boys leave determined Chris by himself to keep digging for the supposed surprise. Long story short, he digs about another foot and finds an old old crate(perhaps a coffin)and the old farmer emerges and says, "surprise" and starts to laugh, ending the episode. I know this was based on a short story, but I thought more imagination could've really made this segment more effective and scarier. That being said, it's still one of the better shorts from the controversial Night Gallery.

Night Gallery Season Two, episode 8

[Scarecrow-88 · 6/10 · 16 September 2011]

A "clairvoyant diary" is the item of the supposedly supernatural starring Patty Duke as a derisive, acid-tongued gossip television show commentator popular for her daily criticisms and belittling of celebrities caught in embarrassing situations. One particular target, a former beauty of the silver screen (Virginia Mayo, "The Best Years of Our Lives; who I thought was still quite lovely), gives Duke a diary she found and not longer after walks in front of a moving vehicle. Duke discovers her handwriting detailing the event yet proclaims that she did not pen the entry. Before long other diary entries detailing future events begin to consume Duke, her hardened, edgy attitude and cynical personality beginning to dissipate, her sanity tested. She relies in her psychiatrist (David Wayne; many might remember him as the insufferable hypochondriac who make a deal with the devil in the Twilight Zone episode "Escape Clause") for help, but Duke may be too far gone. The dreary Duke character is a real cipher and deserves what's coming to her, karma returning the favor for all her sins. Duke attempts to figure out a plausible means of beating out the possibility of demise since a particular day in the diary is blank. The Bionic Woman herself, Lindsay Wagner, has a minuscule part before her television stardom as a newly hired nurse in a mental hospital. I won't sugar coat this, I found "The Diary" hard to get through because Duke's character is so toxic, her personality nasty and obnoxious (how so many people would even want to be around her surprises me to no end).

After "The Diary", a super quick "A Matter of Semantics" has Count Dracula (an inspired Cesar Romero in the full Bela Lugosi costume and make-up) "applying for a loan" at a blood bank! Now Richard Matheson's "The Big Surprise" is a dandy because one particular kid (Dick Van Patten's son, Vincent), along with two other pals, is told by the local reputed "creepy man" (John Carradine, in a wonderful piece of inspired casting), who lives off the beaten path (the kids walk from school in what appears to be a Midwestern part of the country), that a big surprise can be found near an oak tree, buried four feet deep. Patten's two friends help dig for a while and give up while he forwards ahead having no clue what lies in wait for him. To ponder the result, you have to wonder what will happen to the kid, if the surprise was to scare the hell out of him or something possibly worse. "Professor Peabody's Last Lecture" is producer Jack Baird's ode to Lovecraft as Carl Reiner's cynical professor lectures his class on the preposterous nature of cultic beliefs, his criticism directed at the "Old Ones". Reiner's Peabody drops these jokes that go askew to a not-so receptive audience before reading names of the Old Ones (written on his chalkboard), worshiped at one point by people in the past, stirring up quite a storm, so to speak. A student is named Lovecraft (stuttering and oh so eager to ask questions), the Necronomicon is read aloud to the class (Reiner gets so sweaty, bug-eyed, and worked up, the storm intensifies but cannot duplicate his fervor), and the mentioning of Miskitonic University even finds its way into the dialogue. The end result—regarding what happens to Peabody after reading the Necronomicon—is a gag I found rather silly but seems to fall in line with the tone of the tale. This Night Gallery episode is far removed from the kind of work Serling was (and is) known for.

The Diary 2/10//A Matter of Semantics 6/10//Big Surprise 6/10//Professor Peabody's Last Lecture 6/10

Agreed!

[john-579 · 10/10 · 19 February 2008]

I adored the Night Gallery and was very pleased to have recently gotten the complete series.

Many of the segments are, frankly, mediocre, but some are classically terrifying. The episode with Roddy McDowell as the nephew who kills his rich uncle and Ossie Davis as the butler, the episode with Carl Betz as the doctor, "Camera Obscura" with Rene Auberjonois and Ross Martin (taken directly from the short story of the same name), and many, many others: all of these were good for a night of keeping the lights on. It's both good and rather sad to see all these great actors we grew up with who've since passed on. ~sigh~ I just finished watching "Big Surprise" again. And it's still as frightening and funny as ever.

John Carradine in Richard Matheson's "Big Surprise"

[kevinolzak · 7/10 · 23 July 2020]

11 years after his memorable TWILIGHT ZONE "The Howling Man," John Carradine is back for another Rod Serling anthology, the Nov. 10, 1971 broadcast of NIGHT GALLERY offering a Richard Matheson short called "Big Surprise." We are told that Carradine's old Mr. Hawkins is never seen away from his farmhouse, believed to be a crazy geezer guaranteed to frighten off children. To this end he calls over young Chris (Vincent Van Patten) to share the secret location of a 'big surprise' if he can dig down four feet for it beside an oak tree in a large field, the extensive bird footage culled from Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 classic. Two friends start digging for the promised treasure that Chris expects, but as daylight fades they leave him alone to come across a large oak chest with a lock that only a shovel can remove. The nature of this 'surprise' may not be predictable on a first viewing but in hindsight must be considered the only one possible. Some commentators have deduced that Hawkins is merely a ghost that is only seen at his farmhouse, his physical remains exactly where his latest recruit can find it, doomed to repeat the same actions for all eternity, a fine summation though Matheson deliberately leaves the climax ambiguous. It's a part tailor-made for the flamboyant Carradine, laughing maniacally as he has his way with the naivety of a teenage boy.

A Mixed Bag

[Hitchcoc · 7/10 · 9 June 2014]

As a high school kid, I fell in love with Patty Duke. She had that show where she played an American school girl and her identical cousin. She sort of sparkled. In "The Diary" she is an unadulterated virago who set out to hurt people with her scathing, gossipy diatribes. She seems to have no remorse. When an aging actress has alcohol problems, she goes after her with a vengeance. The woman is defenseless, appearing at a party and handing Duke a Diary she has purchased at a great price. Soon thereafter, she commits suicide. Duke shows no remorse, harboring back to a difficult childhood as justification, challenging her shrink when he attempts to help her. It is the Diary that is at the center of all this, or is it?

"A Matter of Semantics" is another one of those Dracula throwaway things that were frequently inserted. Basically a lame joke.

"Big Surprise" features "John Carradine" who played Dracula more than any other performer. He lives in an old house and the kids are petrified of him. He gets one of them to approach and tells him the location of some sort of surprise. He and his buddies dig four feet down until two of them have had enough. We are led on by what the big surprise will be. I have to say, for me, it was a disappointment.

"Mr. Peabody" Last Lecture" (no, not that Mr Peabody) has Carl Reiner playing a very boring professor who is teaching his charges about the ridiculousness of some things that are thought to be religions. He tells lame jokes and allows nothing to deter him. He invokes the Cthulhu mythos and all its characters and speaks disdainfully of it as a storm rages outside the building. His students have interesting names: Lovecraft, Derleth, and Bloch among others. He also reads from the "Necronomicon" of Abdul Alhazred. These are, for the uninitiated, all part of the H. P. Lovecraft world. The conclusion is predictable but fun. By the way, if you've not read any Lovecraft, this is an invitation.

Four Surprises

[AaronCapenBanner · 6/10 · 11 November 2014]

'The Diary' - Patty Duke stars as a heartless gossip columnist who targets an aging(but still beautiful) actress(played by Virginia Mayo) who is driven to extremes by the stress, including giving her a cursed diary which metes out a special kind of justice... Best of these four with the Duke character getting exactly what she deserves by the clever ending.

'A Matter Of Semantics' - Inept comedy short with no point at all.

'Big Surprise' - John Carradine plays a sinister-seeming man who plans a big surprise for a young boy. Not bad, but still all build-up with little payoff.

'Professor Peabody's Last Lecture' - Goofy in-joke comedy short with silly outcome.

Overall, a decent episode.

[Hey_Sweden · 7/10 · 20 September 2020]

The Diary'. Written by Rod Serling himself, and directed by William Hale. Patty Duke stars as Holly Schaeffer, a VERY catty gossip columnist whose vicious skewering of faded star Carrie Crane (Virginia Mayo) results in the actress giving her a "present". It's a diary that fills itself in, only it does not rehash recent events, it foretells future events. And Duke is terrified when the things depicted in the diary actually come to pass. Although Serlings' big revelation is not a great shock (it's been done a number of times over the years), this segment is sold due to the entertainment value of Dukes' performance. Her character is compelling in her utter nastiness. Co-starring Robert Yuro ('Death Valley Days'), David Wayne ("The Andromeda Strain"), and bionic woman Lindsay Wagner in a bit as a nurse.

'A Matter of Semantics'. Written by Gene R. Kearney, and directed by Jack Laird. Another short, underwhelming comic vignette with an all-too-obvious joke, as Count Dracula (an admittedly fun Cesar Romero) goes to a blood bank to make not a deposit, but a withdrawal. The episode is just marking time here.

'Big Surprise'. You expect a little more quality with this segment, given that it was written by Richard Matheson, based on one of his stories. Directed by Jeannot Szwarc, it stars John Carradine as a genial elderly dude who invites three boys to go to a certain spot and dig for a while. He tells them they'll get a "big surprise". Well, the last remaining kid (Vincent Van Patten, "Hell Night") eventually finds out what that is. We *are* kind of drawn into this one out of curiosity, despite that old saying about what curiosity did to the cat. But the ending is really no big deal. But see this one anyway, if only for a typically fun performance by the veteran star.

'Professor Peabody's Last Lecture'. Written by Laird, and directed by Jerrold Freedman. Finally, we get to a solid dose of literature-inspired ghoulishness, as a skeptical professor (the late comedy legend Carl Reiner) dares to mock the Lovecraftian gods. He pays a big price for this, of course. Some good atmosphere here, a generous assortment of name-dropping, and a goofy effect right at the end. Fans of Lovecraft will probably find this most amusing.

A personal favorite with "In" jokes

[Jordan_Haelend · 4/10 · 16 October 2007]

Professor Peabody is teaching a seminar on mythology at Miskatonic University, and makes it plain that his opinion of the subject matter couldn't be any lower. He airily dismisses superstition as "Balderdash," commenting to one of his students that "Ancient man was out making sacrifices to nonexistent gods" when he should have turned his faculties to harnessing the elements.

Alas, the Prof ends-up picking on the wrong gods, who take a dim view of his view of them. They are, of course, the "Old Ones" of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulu Mythos, and the professor insults them and then accidentally invokes them with a spell he reads aloud from the Necronomicon. Their vengeance is fairly grotesque but the episode manages to end on a light note anyway.

Carl Reiner is superb as Peabody, the man who just doesn't know when to shut up (there is a lull in the proceedings, indicating that if he'd just quit while he was ahead, the Old Ones would have let him off the hook.) He's also the professor who constantly cracks jokes which are completely unfunny. The students who are identified by name are the In joke-- the names are connected to Lovecraft: Mr. Derleth, Mr. Bloch, and Mr. Lovecraft himself. The latter is very well portrayed by Johnnie Collins III, who was a dead ringer for Billy Mumy. He is very good-- his face expresses perfectly his growing sense of alarm as he seems to realize what is really happening.

All in all, very good.

Don't p*** off the pagan gods, okay?

[blackhawkswincup2010 · 13 March 2006]

This is one of Night Gallery's "quickies," (lasting maybe a minute or so) in which the pedantic Peabody, very ably embodied by Carl Reiner, in boring his college students to sleep. He is giving a disrespectful lecture about some of H.P. Lovecraft's deific creations, among them Great Cthulu and Nyalathotep. Peabody makes no secret of his contempt, and through the window, we see the storm clouds rapidly gather. Peabody comes to the climax of his lecture, lightning strikes, and the good professor's head is transformed into something less than attractive. Like many of the Night Gallery episodes, this one has a lot of tension, but is a great deal of fun.

Good short stories.

[mm-39 · 7/10 · 16 March 2024]

The Diary had a diary which predicts event before the events happen. Given as a cures for the lead character. The viewer was enthralled with what will happen next. The plot twist I saw coming but still good! Well the Vampire one was an attempt at comedy. Dracula was taking out a withdraw! Lame old joke but funny! The old guy with the treasure was funny plot twist. The boy gets pranked. The digging and characters got across real life. The end looks like a real life prank pull on a young kid. Maye the old guy wanting some free digging done for the cheap guy. The last lecture was just plan nasty. Worth watching, what made this go well was all the stories were short which keeps the viewers attention spans. 7 stars.

Nice, but the ending totaled it.

[Jordan_Haelend · 4/10 · 19 April 2009]

I saw this on the recent DVD release and I must say that the actors all did a good job-- they delivered their lines well and their physical characterizations that accompanied same matched. All in all, I have no problem there.

The ending, however, ruined it for me. Chris (Vincent Van Patten) finally succeeds in hitting pay dirt, if you will-- he finds a rectangular lid that is chained shut and breaks the lock.

SPOILER:

The thing opens slowly, the kid backs himself into a corner and looks suitably terrified. Up pops the farmer who says "Surprise!" and starts laughing.

I presume that the idea is that this is the old guy's grave, meaning that when he is shown at the farmhouse he's merely a specter. But the way Carradine is positioned in the hole relative to its edge makes it look like he's standing on a ladder. If that was what it was SUPPOSED to be and this was just a cruel trick on the farmer's part, then they shouldn't have bothered, as it lowers it to the status of one of the unfunny vignettes Jack Laird insisted on.

This example of poor blocking kept this from being a great segment.

SPIELBERG May Have Directed this Segment Without Credit !

[antiquelightcompany · 21 January 2007]

This was taken from Wikipedia, however, please keep in mind that, as Harlan Ellison has stated: "Wikipedia is to the Encyclopedia Britanica, what Dachau (WWII Nazi Death Camp) was to Health Spas."

(From Wikipedia) ... He (Spielberg) did another segment on Night Gallery "MAKE 'EM LAUGH" (some people claim that he also directed a short five-minute segment called "A Matter of Semantics" when the credited director (Jack Laird) had to back out for unknown reasons, but this has never been confirmed) ...

This may or may not be true. But if so, it's a compelling piece of Spielbergian trivia, and worth viewing by any true aficionado of his work.

But again, keep in mind, this is rumor and has NOT been confirmed !

Good and not good

[BandSAboutMovies · 5/10 · 3 March 2023]

When I see four stories on a Night Gallery, I get worried. It means that Jack Laird is messing up the dark doom that Rod Serling is bringing and I despise that.

In "The Diary," Holly Schaeffer (Patty Duke, who was pregnant with Sean Astin during filming) brutalizes an aging and disgraced Hollywood legend named Carrie Crane (Virginia Mayo). Before she dies, Crane gives her a diary where everything comes true. It's simple, yet it works. Director William Hale and writer Serling create a short and sweet story here; it also has some of the most amazing early 70s furniture - and a Lindsay Wagner cameo - that makes it even more watchable.

"A Matter of Semantics" is Laird directing from a Gene R. Kearney script. Count Dracula (Cesar Romero) goes to a blood bank. Another one note Laird joke that ruins the momentum of the show.

"Big Surprise" has Chris (Vincent Van Patten), Jason (Marc Vahanian) and Dan (Eric Chase) seeking whatever Mr. Hawkins (John Carradine) has buried. Again, it's simple and quick, but this time effective. Then again, I'm someone that Carradine always works for. Director Jeannot Szwarc does a good job on the Richard Matheson script, which is just the right level of strange.

"Professor Peabody's Last Lecture" may be silly and over the top, but this Jerrold Freedman-directed (he also was the man who made Victims, The Boy Who Drank Too Much, A Cold Night's Death and Kansas City Bomber) effort from a Laird script is the first time that many may have heard the name H. P. Lovecraft. Professor Peabody (Carl Reiner) makes light of primitive cultures without realizing that those that live beyond the wall of the endless are always listening.

It mentions writers associated with Lovecraft as well, like Robert Bloch and August Derleth, who added Catholicism's views of right and wrong to Lovecraft's mythos, which take them away from their never to be understood cosmic horrors and turn Cthulu into more space kaiju, which I feel mean saying sounds like something right in the perfect headspace for Jack Laird. While this segment has a dumb ending, it has a great race toward doom.

All in all, even with Laird creating more on this episode, there's enough that's on the good side for once. If you can make it through his segments, there's plenty to like here.

Professor Peabody's Last Lecture

[vantikaci · 16 November 2014]

A science fiction fan all of my reading life, of course I'm also a fan of Rod Serling's various TV incarnations. And the stories and writers from which he ploughed his scripts. The most voluble student was named Lovecraft, enough said about that.

But, i LIVE IN 2014-and with the benefit of hindsight and present sight-was really saddened to see "all evil and chaos and destruction of humanity" laid at the feet of an "Arab" and his philosophy out of nowhere and for no good reason whatsoever.

Lovecraft certainly made no such intimation.

It really shocked me to my core- to see how deep, how pervasive, how easily accepted the evilness of Arabs have been inculcated into the American consciousness for,at least, demonstrably- 43 years.

They can't all be winners.

[BA_Harrison · 21 February 2023]

There are four separate stories packed into this episode's fifty-one minutes, so it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that at least one of them sucks. The worst offender is tale number two which lasts just a few minutes and is essentially a one joke piece: a vampire enters a blood bank... to make a withdrawal. Badum-tish! For all I know, this might have been a new joke back in '71, but I've seen it printed in comics so many times over the years that it no longer has the desired effect.

Before this, we get a story starring Patty Duke and Virginia Mayo. Duke plays Holly Schaeffer, television's foremost 'hatchet lady', who uses her gossip show to make cruel comments about washed-up movie star Carrie Crane (Mayo). Crashing Schaeffer's New Year's Eve party (which features a dwarf in a nappy as the 'new year baby'), Crane delivers a gift to the cruel woman: a diary. After Crane leaves, Schaeffer opens the journal to find that the first page is already filled in, in her handwriting, and that it predicts Crane's suicide. Sure enough, the actress throws herself in front of a car moments later.

The next day, and there is another mysterious diary entry which foretells of the death of Schaeffer's one true love, Jeb (Robert Yuro); later that day, Jeb dies in an accident. On the third day, there is no entry, which leads Holly to believe that she is going to die. Her sanity slipping, she has herself committed for her own safety, living the rest of her days in a padded room, trying to beat the diary by completing the entries herself. I can't say I liked this one all that much, but that's not to say it's bad - just not my cup of tea. Look out for a young Lindsay 'Bionic Woman' Wagner as a nurse.

The third story is a bit of a weird one: John Carradine plays a creepy old man who tells young lad Chris (Vincent Van Patten) where he can find 'a big surprise'. Together with his friends, Chris goes to the location that the man told him about and starts to dig. The two friends eventually give up and wander off, but Chris continues until he finds a wooden box secured with a padlock. It's a creepy set-up, but the 'big surprise' waiting for the boy inside the box is just plain bizarre.

The last story is a lot of fun for fans of Lovecraft, and might even have been a source of inspiration for a young Sam Raimi: the brilliant Carl Reiner plays a Miskatonic University professor lecturing on the subject of superstition and ancient cults. As he recites from a copy of the Necronomicon (as in The Evil Dead), he mocks the 'great old ones', incurring their wrath, the man eventually transformed into an unspeakable monster. There are numerous Lovecraft references, Reiner hams it up a treat, and the ending is wonderfully silly. Now this one WAS my cup of tea!