Jerry Seinfeld: 'I'm Telling You for the Last Time' (1998) - Jerry Seinfeld as Self

Jerry Seinfeld : [on Olympic Games] The Olympics is really my favorite sporting event. Although, I think I have a problem with that silver medal. Because when you think about it,you win the gold - you feel good, you win the bronze - you think, "Well, at least I got something". But when you win that silver it's like, "Congratulations, you *almost* won. Of all the losers *you* came in first of that group. You're the number one *loser*. No one lost ahead of you!"
Jerry Seinfeld : [On the space shuttle and the moon] What the hell were they doin' with a car on the god damn moon? You're on the moon already! Isn't that far enough?
Jerry Seinfeld : [on medicine commercials] Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
Jerry Seinfeld : [on airline bathrooms] Tiny toilet, tiny light, tiny sink, tiny soap dispenser. Tiny slot- for *used razor blades.* That's always there. Who is shaving on the plane? And shaving so much, they're using UP razor blades? What have you got- the Wolfman flying here?

Jerry Seinfeld: Self