Santa's Slay (2005) User Reviews

Entertaining, if disjointed.

[I_am_legend_maker_still · 6/10 · 25 October 2005]

It must be hard being a popular wrestler. People pay money to see you, to cheer for you, to buy your merchandise, and generally to make you feel like more then the average man. It makes you think that if they were willing to do all that, they'd be willing to follow you if you attempt other projects as well.

And they do. But mainly to make fun of it.

Then again, it seems like wrestlers are united in their substandard film choices. Hulk Hogan's, whose wrestling stardom was heavily influenced by his guest appearance in Rocky III, movie career reads like a "What Not To Do When Picking A Script". Steve Austin, Triple H, and Adam Copeland (Edge) won't exactly be remembered for their marks in Hollywood either (Only the future will tell if The Rock breaks the mold or follows in their footsteps). And then along comes a film like this, starring former WCW dynamo Bill Goldberg.

Surprisingly, it's not all bad.

True, one shouldn't go into the film expecting a fully sensible plot, or a masterwork of acting, or extremely convincing special effects (look out for the prone motionless 'hell-deer!'). However, the film does contain a few likable characters, some decent puns in the Christmas vein (along with some excruciating ones), and half the time, Goldberg actually manages to make the concept of Santa really being an evil entity comes off as credible. And of course, any film that presents the credit sequence as a naughty and nice list can't be all bad.

In the end, it's not Santa With Muscles.

And that's really saying something.

He Is Scary and Educational

[claudio_carvalho · 6/10 · 28 September 2006]

In the Christmas Eve of 2005, Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) arrives in Hell Township killing the locals. The teenager Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith) finds that his grandfather (Robert Culp) is actually an angel that defeated the devil's son in a bet, and the evil creature has spent the last one thousand years playing a good Santa Claus, giving toys to the children. Now that the bet is over, Santa Claus wants revenge. Nicholas and his girlfriend Mary Mackenzie (Emilie de Ravin) try to escape from the killer and find a way to stop him until the end of Christmas.

The first three minutes of this movie presents one of the best sequences of black humor that I have recently seen, with the Christmas dinner of a "happy" family and the arrival of the wicked Santa Claus. After the initial credits, the old lady cursing everybody is also hilarious. However, this unknown actor Douglas Smith, with his silly baby face, is awful and spoils practically all his scenes. This film and Emilie de Ravin, the Claire of "Lost", deserved a better lead actor. Robert Culp is also very weak and non-charismatic in the role of Grandpa. Emilie de Ravin has the best lines and attitudes along the story, and I found hilarious her quote: "He is scary and educational". Another good quote belongs to the wrestler Bill Goldberg and is highlighted in IMDb ("I'm Santa Claus, not Dracula!"). This movie has a great potential of cult-movie, and if the viewer watches it with minor expectations, may have a good surprise. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Uma Noite de Fúria" ("One Night of Rage")

Entertainment that is pointless and funny

[mOVIemAN56 · 5/10 · 30 October 2005]

I was confused when I saw this movie. Santa (Bill Goldberg) is the son-of-Satan and is out to scare children after a thousand years of imprisonment. he is killing for no other reason then to kill. Standing in his way is the man who imprisoned him to serve the children, Grandpa (Robert Culp) and his grandson Nicholas (Douglas Smith).

For some odd reason, Santa finds the oddest way of killing people: lighting people on fire with coal, choking them with a wreath, or just running them over with his reindeer. For two hours or so we watch two stupid teenagers run around and hide, finally leading to a rocket launcher blowing up a reindeer.

In the end I was just like WTF. I was confused, lost, and a little humored by the movie. The fight scenes with Goldberg are pretty cool and sometimes he does act well. In the end, the film doesn't make any sense, it's stupid, but it's pretty funny when you don't care what you're watching. Seeing Goldberg actually try to act is hilarious but some of his lines did make me laugh and in the end did give a convincing performance. The best was the giant reindeer. that pulled his sled.

If you watch it, don't expect a masterpiece, actually don't expect much at all. Just watch it for the action, not the story.

Santa's Slay. Starring: Robert Culp, bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, and Emilie de Ravin.

2 1/2 out of 5 Stars.

A Badder Santa Than 'Bad Santa'.. But Only Because He's A Demon.

[BigHardcoreRed · 26 October 2005]

Santa's Slay is a horror/holiday movie. I do not think I have heard of a horror movie starring Santa Claus and, while it is not necessarily a bad idea, there is a reason it is straight-to-video. With that in mind, this was better than I would have thought.

It seems as if Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) is actually a demon who lost a bet to an angel. Because of the bet, Santa now had to be nice and deliver gifts to the children of the world for 1000 years. It turns out that last year was year one thousand and now Santa is pretty upset and taking it out on innocent families.

Nicholas (Douglas Smith) is a teenager who has taken after his grandfather and is not particularly fond of the Christmas holidays. Soon, it is revealed to Nicholas how Santa came about by his grandfather. Since Santa has, for some reason, targeted Nicholas, he and his girlfriend, Mary (Emilie de Ravin), take it upon themselves to destroy the Christmas demon.

Goldberg was a unique choice to play Santa Claus. He is not exactly what I would expect in a Santa Claus but it turns out to be a great decision. Turns out Santa is buff and resembles a biker. Also, his "reindeer" is played by a buffalo and looks pretty bad ass. It matches Goldberg perfectly.

Some of the special effects were pretty cool and just as many were pretty hokey. I wish directors would not even consider the blue/green screen as an option if you plan on making a decent movie.

Basically, you already know if this is the type of movie for you. If you liked movies such as Uncle Sam, Frost or any other B-Movie that is similarly cheesy, then you will most likely enjoy Santa's Slay, too. If you are the type of person that finds faults in any movie and are hard to please, then skip it. It won't be worth your time. 6.5/10

He's making a list... pray you're not on it.

[Lady_Targaryen · 5/10 · 30 September 2006]

''Santa's Slay'' needs to be considered more of a black humor comedy then a horror movie. I didn't find this movie very funny, and in my opinion it is in fact VERY predictable, but I liked the originality of inventing a story where Santa Claus is in fact a bad guy, instead of the sweet old man he is always portrayed.

The Plot is that after Santa Claus loses a curling match with an angel, he is required to be nice for 1,000 years,specially with the children. However, after 1,000 years passes, Santa's ready to seek revenge on that angel and everybody who is in his way, what includes all habitants from Hell Town. And he kills without any reason, what shows that he is, indeed, very evil. The Blondie Mac and her scared boyfriend Nicholas, are the ones that need to find a way to stop Santa Claus from his acts.

Using Bill Goldberg as Santa Claus is very funny and ironic, since the actor was a wrestler and also is Jewish.

Hilarious B-movie

[friendful · 7/10 · 25 October 2005]

A movie never meant to be taken seriously, but oh so enjoyable if you've a mind to. I mean, come on, GOLDBERG is SANTA!!! I f you're looking for a friendly, family-oriented Christmas movie, do NOT watch this. A carnage filled Christmas delight, though mostly oriented towards the "guy" movie type. Goldberg has some great one liners and I have to say that I look forward to seeing him in other films because of this one. An actor or a film that doesn't take itself too seriously is what we need more of these days. People take themselves too seriously. And apparently this is too short to post. Death. Mayhem. Santa. Satan's offspring.

Deck the Halls with blood and chuckles . Falla la la la!

[Coventry · 5/10 · 9 December 2006]

Well, the freaking Holidays are coming up again and, since you can't watch Dickens' "Christmas Carol" every damn year, the lowest shelf of your local videostore might offer some variety! This is where you're most likely to find "Santa's Slay"; a pleasantly deranged and hugely entertaining new horror comedy stuffed with season's beatings and blood-red nosed...buffaloes! As from Christmas 2005, Santa is no longer the chubby bringer of joy and presents, but once again the sadistic and HO-HO-HO-Horrendous offspring of Satan he was thousand years ago, until losing a bet against an good-hearted angel. After a couple of pointless but hilarious stops to slaughter annoying sitcom actors like Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan, the mad as hell Santa heads for the township of Hell (which really exists, only it's a Norway) to take revenge on the clever angel – who became human in the meantime – and his faggoty grandson. "Santa's Slay" is a very untraditional horror-holiday movie, with a really stupid plot and lousy gore effects, but you can't help laughing at wrestling legend Bill Goldberg in the role of baddest Santa. And even though he won't win any Academy Awards anytime soon, he's certainly a lot better/cooler than his colleague Hulk Hogan was in "Santa With Muscles". He and gorgeous Emilie De Ravin are the only cast members worth mentioning, by the way, as the male leads are embarrassingly weak. Especially that Douglas Smith boy! He's only fit to play the high-school nerd, but not as a battler against evil demons. "Santa's Slay" is an insignificant but FUN b-movie with some inventive killings, tongue-in-cheek humor, gorgeous strippers and exploding children! Enjoy.

Good for some laughs. Best viewing with friends and beer.

[carlykristen · 7/10 · 16 November 2006]

It turns out there were 2 Immaculate Conceptions: One was Jesus and one was Santa Claus. One day, Santa loses a bet with an angel and must play nice for 1000 years (this part was told in stop motion animation). Well, his punishment is up and he's here to wreck havoc. Only an old inventor, his grandson "Nicholas Yuleson", and girlfriend "Mary" (played by Emilie de Ravin) can stop him.

This film takes a fun look at the Holidays with the blackest of black humor. It opens with Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, Fran Drescher, and James Caan getting slaughtered by Santa. There are countless of other cameos strewn throughout the movie. Oh, and did I mention that WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg is playing Santa and doing his own stunts? And that Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1-3, X-Men 3) produced this?

There is much fun to be had here such as Santa beating up Christmas Carolers, kids running from Santa on snow mobiles, and a Jew holding up the Star of David to Santa (similar to a cross to a Vampire) in hopes his faith would save him. You will see a candy cane in the eye, a Christmas star in the back, Santa's sleigh getting valet parking, and some Ho-Ho-Hoes in stripper attire.

The production values were very high and it looks as though it was shot on 35mm. They had great props like a Santa's Slay driven by a yak/ buffalo (?). The sound varied a bit during dialogue-heavy and action-heavy scenes, which caused me to raise and then lower the volume a few times.

I only have two minor gripes. While there is a high body count, they skimp on the gore. The film overall is more comedic than scary, so Gorehounds will not be as amused.

Another thing was girlfriend Mary's personality inconsistencies. (Yes, I pay attention to character development even in horror films). They show her as a strong woman driving a big truck, shooting guns, and putting her boyfriend's hands on her breasts. But once Santa arrives, she can only whine about how scared she is. She even pulls out the Stupid Card by stopping dead in her tracks while in the middle of a getaway to talk to her boyfriend about her feelings.

Favorite Quote: A few good ones, but my favorite was when Nicholas shines a flashlight in Santa's eyes temporarily blinding him and Santa yells, "I'm Santa Claus, not f*cking Dracula!"

DVD Extras: Scene Selection, Audio Set Up, Deleted Scenes, Casting, "Taking the Reins" (Steiman's First Film), 2 Easter Eggs (one features 6 trailers), and of course Commentary with the Director and Producer. This explained how Goldberg met his wife. She was a stunt double for the trapeze stripper in pasties whose crotch his face was buried in for 4 days. Duh. How else would they have fallen in love?

Bottom Line: Good for some laughs, but minimal gores/sex. Best viewing with friends and beer.

Rating: 7/10

Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com MySpace.com/HorrorYearbook

not as good as it could be

[destinedsleep · 3/10 · 20 November 2010]

this movie was funny.............. for about the length of the opening sequence. After this it is just plotting to put Mr Goldberg in positions to exploit his wrestling maneuver's. God knows that is the only thing he has to offer here as the big lug sure as hell can't act. Not as funny as it should have been. There is no redemption in porn, just satisfaction that sex is very subjective and knowledge u can get laid daily but apart from the hours it's a nasty nasty way to earn money. If God instilled self esteem in us all there would be no need for money. In saying this you are probably a slave to money and need it to get laid therefore an amateur porn star. Santas Slay sucks, avoid.

Friggin awesome ho ho ho

[viper23 · 7/10 · 25 October 2005]

I don't want to ruin it, this movie is horrible. The title should be your first clue. I myself am a fan of lame plot lines, so this movie is right up my alley. This is the best Santa movie i've seen since Santa Conquers the Martians, instant classic. ho ho ho Find this movie Watch this movie Enjoy the greatness that is this movie. You've seen the Miracle on 34th street, now see the Massacre on 35th street... Goldbergs best work since The Longest Yard.... well, not really, but its close. This movie is a guilty pleasure that can be enjoyed by the whole family, as long some humor is shared among all. You've seen the best, now see the worst

If Santa Claus was a rowdy demon

[tapio_hietamaki · 1/10 · 21 January 2017]

The movie isn't boring, that's for sure. Full of over-the-top action and cheesy evil laugh, Santa's Slay tells a tale of murderous Santa Claus demon (played by wrestler star Bill Goldberg) who was locked underground for a thousand years because he lost a curling match to an angel, but now he's back and he will skewer the Jewish, scorch the strippers, bomb the Christmas carolers and slaughter those who bicker at Christmas dinner.

I like some B-movies but mostly horror B-movies and this was aiming for 'funny', not 'scary', so it flew a bit off the mark for me. The special effects were laughable, as was the plot and the acting, so I sure got a lot of laughs out of the movie, but it doesn't really offer rewatchability. Plus, I'm not a wrestling fan.

I can appreciate why the movie has its fans but I expect that even the most loyal fan will concede that it's a movie that's not for everybody.

The type of " 80's Horror" movie I've grown to miss

[itrumbley · 8/10 · 25 October 2005]

A VERY cheesy movie with a lame plot to be fair. But it is as much Comedy as Horror. The comedy is in the comical and inventive ways people are mashed about and the barely contained groans you let out each time a new "plot" twist is revealed. I recommend this movie for either Halloween or Christmas parties, with a few friends, a few drinks and maybe a card or board game. Very enjoyable and something you don't see a lot of anymore. It contains a lot of B actors getting mashed (the opening scene.. spoiler: has Fran Drescher and Jimmy Fallon getting brutally murdered in a scene that makes my inner soul smile), The stereotypical lecherous preacher is played well by Dave Thomas (Grace Under fire, Rat Race, etc) and Goldberg as the Anti-Christ Viking Hellgod spouting Christmas carols makes me laugh. The scene explaining his origins was also hilarious and was brilliantly done in the wooden stop motion style of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".

Outrageous Christmas "black comedy" ......

[merklekranz · 6/10 · 8 December 2010]

Only surpassed as a Christmas dark comedy by "Bad Santa", "Santa's Slay" is still a great runner up. The opening scene, crammed with name actors is terrific. A family consisting of Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and James Cahn, among others, has just finished their Christmas dinner, thanking the "Almighty" for not making them poor, when literally, Bill Goldberg busts from the fireplace as "Santa", and outrageous mayhem ensues. Thus the tone is set for this over the top "black comedy". Robert Culp plays an eccentric Grandfather, who does curling battle with "Santa", in an effort to end the reign of "yule tide fear". The movie does slowly slide downhill, and one of the leads, Douglas Smith, is marginal at best, but "Santa's Slay" is still highly recommended for those who like their Christmas comedy on the dark side. - MERK

Ho, Ho, Ho, this movie is so slaying stupid, but watchable.

[ironhorse_iv · 4/10 · 18 December 2013]

This movie is just awful like black coal in a Christmas stocking. I guess, if you don't take it serious, it's a bit watchable, but I just can't hide from the truth that this movie has a really dumb low brow comedy. Directed by David Steiman, Santa's Slay has a killer Santa Claus played by former professional wrestler, Bill Goldberg who every Christmas come down from hell to kill the wicked. It's like the movie took its plot from the TV Animation Show Futurama's 1999 season, episode 4 'XMAS Story' or seem a rip-off 1984's Silent Night, Deadly Night. It's interesting that Bill Goldberg was pick to be the evil Santa Claus in a way, because Goldberg came from Jewish heritage. So, it was no surprise that some Jewish people find the movie offensive, due to the film portraying one of them as a Christmas hating Satanist. I think the majority of Jewish people that work on the film see it as a light-weight dark comedy that both mocks Christmas, and the negative stereotype of the Jewish people. Not only does Santa Claus kill a Christian pastor Timmons played by Dave Thomas, but a lot number of Jewish character actors such as Saul Rubinek, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and Rebecca Gayheart. Honestly, I don't know why the talented James Caan is in this movie! He could had done better. I don't know what the movie is trying to say with the over the top origins of Santa Claus here. In the movie, apparently, Santa is the Anti-Christ, produce by the result of a virgin birth by Satan. Just like Jesus on Christmas, Santa acts as his enemy. Somewhere around 1005 A.D, Jesus & God defeat Santa in a bet during a curling match that sentenced Santa to deliver presents on Christmas for 1000 years. First off, curling match? The sport wasn't even invention yet, and from all the weird sports you can pick from, you pick the most boring sport in the world for your movie. Does anybody find curling funny? Anyways, after 1000 years, Santa is free to kill again in 2005 of the time this movie came out. The movie does awkwardly use a lot of Christmas, and Satanist puns to give up the point that the settling for this film is in a town call Hell Township. Lot of Christmas references in this film. The jokes are so juvenile, that even a 5 year old can get it. There isn't really much to guess, as they put it out there for everybody to laugh at. They even had a scene where a grandma get ran over a hell-deer AKA reindeer to hint that they were making fun of that Christmas song. The movie does use a lot of stupid toilet humor and dick jokes. The tongue in cheek humor in this movie is really dry. Lot of out of the blue, cursing doesn't make any of these jokes in the movie, any funnier. Honestly, even if my eggnog was spiked, I really doubt I would find this movie as funny. It's hard to find this movie as scary. Bill Goldberg wasn't one bit scary nor funny. Bill Goldberg was never a good actor nor a good wrestler as well. His limited talent really shows in the film. He can barely move due to his large mass, and he's doesn't speak much, besides one liners. The movie even hints the wrestler persona of Bill Goldberg, by showing him do the Jackhammer on somebody and quoting 'Who's next?'. As a wrestling fan, it's kinda cool to see that, but also takes away from the real story. It's really hard to cheer for anybody besides the killer Claus, because the main character Nicolas (Douglas Smith) is somewhat selfish and immature. His acting is so wooded that it burns to listen to him speak. It like watching a log cracking in a fireplace while your nuts is roasting on the open flame. Talking about nuts, the movie has a guy taze there. The kills are so over the top cheesy that it borderlines cartoony. The special effects are just awful. It's so fake looking, that even pro-wrestlers are like pointing it out. There is some female characters in the film, but they serve nothing to the plot beside being a love-interest to the annoying male character, and for others, background nudity. I'm not Santa, but they can sit on my lap, anyday. In my opinion, there was some optimism that a good Christmas horror movie would come and sadly this was not that film. There was much to work with the material, like how Santa is spelled with the same letters as Satan, but the movie barely use anything. The movie could had, gone into his mind, and explain why he is evil. The years of being in the North Pole running a sweat shop elf based enterprise could be interesting. Only if the movie was a bit longer. 78 minutes is kinda short. For a B-List movie, it isn't that bad, but pretty dumb. Anyways, the movie leaves open to a sequel if they really wanted to. Unlike a Christmas list, I wouldn't be checking this twice.

This was actually rather funny.

[That_Man · 25 October 2005]

While far from the greatest comedy ever made, it is definitely not the worst(see Freddy Got Fingered). At times the film is quite campy and the storyline is completely absurd, but that's the whole point. You're not supposed to care about how lame the story is, you just wanna see Santa kill people in various ways, which he does.

I especially enjoy the opening scene where Santa barges through the fireplace and proceeds to kill Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan and their friends. Now tell me YOU didn't wanna see someone kill Fran Drescher or Chris Kattan, especially after Beautician and the Beast and Corky Romano, ugh. By the way, I selected the spoiler warning just in case giving away the very beginning counted as a spoiler.

Anyway, I would definitely suggest watching this, just not on Spike TV where they'll lengthen a 90 minute movie into 2 and a half hours because of some irrelevant intermissions and unholy amount of commercials.

6/10

The worst movie ever made

[acetylcholinenjoyer · 1/10 · 25 December 2010]

This movie was pathetic. I never saw such a bad movie, with a stupid premise. This thing was obviously made for embittered people that hate Christmas holidays, and everything nice. And that's why it sucks. This pathetic piece of trash fails both as comedy and as a horror film. I would rate it with less than zero, because this is what this lame excuse for a film deserves. There wasn't anything good about this.

This is the worst movie ever made. What happened with good Christmas movies, like "It's a Wonderful Life"? This movie it's so bad that it seems like it was made by Kevin Smith or the creator of Family Guy. It is a complete waste of time, the premise was stupid and everything about it sucked.

Trashy B horror

[Leofwine_draca · 6/10 · 22 December 2021]

The type of B-movie I always enjoy watching: gory, silly, tongue in cheek, and completely over the top in every respect. The opening set-piece is by far the best part of the movie (and the surprise cameo helps too) so if you like that then you'll probably enjoy the rest of this one too. Goldberg is a good choice for a genial villain, the FX are cheesy but fun, and seeing old-timer Robert Culp getting involved works too. Obviously if you're not a fan of trashy horror you're not going to like this one, but I thought it was quite decent.

My review on "Santa's Slay"

[Sierdunn · 1/10 · 2 April 2008]

"Santa's Slay" is what you call a disease. This movie can't say was made for money because who will pay to watch this kind of crap. I specially don't think so.

If you think this is a comedy you be totally wrong.Let's imagine Santa comes in your house and blows your brains out....."hilarious", no?.This is more like an abomination, so don't bother yourself watching it.

If you believe it's some kind of horror or thriller.....hmm let's say , for example, when you look at a Stephen King movie.....that's horror!!

If you ask me why I vote for 1 on this movie, is because it didn't have 0 so I'm sorry but this kind of cheap movies deserves 0 and no more than that.

Anyway this movie wasn't made for winning Oscars but not for children either, because when you take your kid to the cinema to watch "Santa's Slay" he will not understand that the movie is a bad "comedy" especially when your kid is young and still believes in Santa and you might here your child say "Dad, will Santa come and blow my brains out?".So remember don't feed your kids movies like this, will mess up their brains.Better tell them to read a book.

Enough for this "movie" because are other worse than this but.....other far more better.

With respect,

Sierdunn

Somewhat Demented, Ridiculous Nonsense, But Fun Nonetheless.

[drownsoda90 · 6/10 · 25 November 2006]

"Santa's Slay" is a mildly impressive little slasher-comedy set during the cheerful holiday season. The film opens with a hilarious Christmas dinner gone wrong, and we are then introduced to Nicholas Yulesone, a normal teenager with a seemingly-senile grandfather. It's Christmas eve, and his love interest, Mary, visits their house after work. Nicholas' grandfather seems a little crazy, with a bomb shelter in his basement, theorizing that Santa Claus is actually the son of Satan and is a maniacal killer - but there may be some truth to his theory. Because on Christmas day, Santa begins a psychotic rampage in their town, killing off everyone, naughty and nice. Now, Nicholas and Mary are the only ones who know about the demonic Santa Claus, and it's their job to stop him before he takes complete control - they just have to survive all the way through Christmas day.

I'll forewarn you, if you rent this film and are expecting a serious horror movie, you will be seriously disappointed. But if you go into it without any high expectations, you should find this film highly enjoyable. The story is completely ridiculous, utter nonsense. The script is underdeveloped. The special effects weren't great. Then why do I enjoy this film, you say? Well, it's funny. It's a black comedy, with plenty of comic elements thrown into it, even though it's a quite violent movie. The film boasts a fairly familiar cast (especially during the short but hilarious opening scene, featuring some fairly big-name celebrities including Fran Drescher, James Caan, Rebecca Gayheart, and Chris Kattan). Bill Goldberg, a wrestler, plays the demonic Santa, and Emilie De Ravin (of "The Hills Have Eyes" remake) plays the character of Mary. All of the performances were decent enough, some of them were unbelievable, but this whole movie was unbelievable.

The entire film is really laughable - not necessarily in a bad way, but just because of the completely unrealistic, campy premise of it all. Nonethelesss, "Santa's Slay" provides plenty of entertainment and some good laughs for a holiday-themed movie. It's not scary at all, just on the gory side. I'd say it's much more funny than it is scary, but technically it can be seen as a horror film - a really corny one at that, but a horror film nonetheless. Among all of the other Christmas-themed horror films out there that are much more serious (the masterpiece "Black Christmas", and "Silent Night, Deadly Night"), this one sticks out just because of it's inventive story and fun atmosphere. Just don't expect to be scared for ninety minutes.

Overall, "Santa's Slay" is a campy, funny, gory, all-around fun little movie. It's unrealistic and it's completely cheesy, but it's surely fun entertainment that anyone who enjoys black comedies will want to check out. If you're expecting a serious horror flick, avoid this, but if you enjoy lighthearted, stupid (but in a fun way) slasher movies, then this movie is perfect. 6/10.

Horrible, hateful, stupid, unfunny, and unscary

[makeitasoulparty · 1/10 · 20 October 2007]

If the puppy-torturing, sexually frustrated kid from your 9th-grade class who used to draw pictures of his female classmates and teachers being murdered in various ways somehow grew up to produce or direct movies, this would be the result. "Santa's Slay" is billed on Spike TV as a "horror-comedy" which is their way of warning you that it will be neither scary nor funny. And sure enough, it fails to be anything at all redeeming.

I not only stopped watching long before it finished-ignoring the sinister urge to keep looking at this twisted wreck of a movie- but I actually felt a twinge of deep sorrow that the human race could produce a movie like this, and some people would actually like it. (Granted-mostly drunken, jobless potential rapists who live in their parents' basements, but people, nonetheless.)

The fact that "Santa's Slay" (even the title is a lame pun) doesn't "take itself seriously" doesn't make it clever. This movie knows it sucks. It only hopes that if it pretends not to care that it sucks, you won't care either. The acting is horrible, as you'd expect. The premise itself isn't horrible, but that means nothing if the movie itself is absolute garbage.

There is nothing and no one to care about in this film. It's pure nihilist, pointless hatred. This movie hates everyone- Christians, young people, old people, women, children, even itself. The opening sequence presents an unpleasant, materialistic family (shame on you, James Caan!) then expects the audience to take pleasure in watching Santa Clause barge in and murder them in gruesome ways (burning one girl's hair off down to her charred red scalp, then dunking her in eggnog), while happy Christmas music plays. Get the joke? The music is happy, but UNHAPPY things are happening! Oh, the irony!

Listen, crappy movie-director: just because people are unpleasant doesn't mean we want to watch them brutally murdered in supposedly amusing and corny ways. Well, maybe you do, but you probably used to torture puppies.

"Santa's Slay" is actually worse than "Manos: the Hands of Fate" if only because "Manos" didn't have the luxury of a big budget and some name actors. Not only a waste of time- a waste of life.

'Tis the Season #3 - 'Santa's Slay' (2005)

[Shattered_Wake · 7/10 · 27 November 2008]

Contrary to popular belief, Old Saint Nick (wrestler Bill Goldberg) is actually the son of Satan. A thousand years ago, he lost a bet with an Angel and was forced to play the role of the gift-giving Santa Claus. The time on the thousand-year deal has run out. . . and Santa's not happy. This Christmas, Santa isn't looking for milk & cookies. He's looking for blood & guts!

When it comes to shlocky comedy-horror, it doesn't get much more fun than this bad boy. Even the synopsis alone was enough to make me laugh without a single frame of film watched. As you can tell by the story and title, Santa's Slay is not a film to be taken seriously. The film opens with, quite possibly, the best opening scene in slasher history: A wealthy, greedy, corrupt family (made up of Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, and James Caan) is viciously murdered by Santa Claus using a series of awesome weapons (including a turkey leg and, get this, a bowl of egg nog). Thinking the film would burn out its awesomeness from that one scene, I expected the inevitable lessening of quality & entertainment after the explosively cool beginning. Luckily (and surprisingly), the film maintains almost all of that enjoyability throughout the entire film. Technically, the film's pretty good. Visually, the direction, cinematography, and gore all work very well and make it a fairly good-looking picture. The script's not bad as far as the story goes, but the dialogue definitely needed another re-write to polish up some of the awkwardly inserted jokes and attempts at funny one-liners. The acting's pretty bad by the main actors of Emilie de Ravin (Lost, The Hills Have Eyes) and Douglas Smith (Big Love), but the supporting cast of Bill Goldberg, Robert Culp, and Dave Thomas deliver adequate performances. Overall, the flick's fun as hell and that's all it wanted to be. It's well made, but could've done more with a bigger budget. If you're looking for some offensively entertaining holiday horror that works as a nice throwback to the '80s-style cheese, give this one a look.

Obligatory Christmas-Horror Elements:

• Subgenre: Slasher

• Christmas Carols: Thankfully, the film's soundtrack is entirely made up of Christmas music and actually includes some carolers!

• Snow: Oh, there's plenty.

• Person in a Santa suit: If you see him, you better watch out!

• Violence/Gore: All throughout, there are some of the best themed kills I've ever seen. Egg nog, candy canes, wreaths, etc., are all used to take down Santa's victims. Also, Santa doesn't always need a weapon, as he can throw in some of his pro-wrestling moves too.

• Sex/Nudity: There's a strip club scene if you're a fan of fake, err, jingle bells.

• Scares/Suspense: There are a couple jump scares, but not many. It wasn't really trying too hard to be scary.

• Mystery: None at all, but who needs mystery when you've got laughs galore?

• - -

Final verdict: 7/10. You shouldn't have. . .

-AP3-

Urgh...

[Vartiainen · 1/10 · 17 February 2017]

So it turns out that Santa was originally a demon given birth by a virgin impregnated by Satan himself. But he got captured and forced to obey a geas after he lost a curling match against an angel. Yes, a curling match. But now the time is up and it's time for Santa to be unleashed once more.

And you know what, that could be fun. Crazy Santa walking around just slaughtering people in holiday themed ways. Blood, guts and violence galore in the best B-movie manner. And the movie certainly tries. But it just doesn't have the spirit to pull it off. It feels more tedious than fun. The gore isn't particularly memorable, the Santa is pretty forgettable (which should be an impossibility), the supporting cast is even duller and there just isn't enough blood and excitement.

The hard fact is that I fell asleep while watching this film. I had to rewatch the ending the next day. And if you have a film where a demonic Santa slaughters people while screaming Ho-ho-ho! at the top of his lungs, and you still manage to fall asleep, there's something wrong with the film.

I shall forget this film.

He's not just scary, he's educational

[GozerTheGozerian · 10/10 · 21 December 2005]

One of the greatest Christmas movies EVER! Up there with Scrooged and Die Hard. I rented this film with my buddies on a lark. We were expecting to laugh at how bad it was but we were amazed to find that we were actually laughing at all the right parts. Actually we were laughing the entire way through. We kept having to ask each other what that last line of dialog was because we missed it. Great gags, some fantastic cameos, and a Jewish wrestler playing Santa Claus.

I'd only hold two things against it, those being: (1) the lead actor (Douglas Smith) - he was a little weak and (2)the CG could've benefited from some more expense. Otherwise this is a brilliant film. Santa's Slay is the first film to honor the truly great sport of curling. A flying bison, Goldberg, strippers, and Caulk jokes. Plus swearing children and swearing old ladies. A new holiday tradition.

Spreading holiday fear this Christmas.

[Pet_Rock · 7/10 · 27 December 2006]

He's making a list... pray you're not on it.

7.5/10 Hahaha! I love it, I love it! Wow. What a film. The kills were all top notch. The script was funny, the acting was good. But the best of the entire film was the opening scene, where Santa Slays a few famous Cameos (James Caan, Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, and Fran Drescher) in very unique ways (Turkey leg, Christmas tree Star, fire, egg nog, and a dog's bed) Then the rest of the film follows in that feeling, but it does go slightly downhill from scene to scene. Emilie de Ravin does a great job once again after being in the Carrie and THHE remakes and for a first-timer, Writer-Director David Steiman (Yes, a mostly Jewish cast) did GREAT.

So I highly recommend this for you fun, beer-guzzling type movie watchers.

Cult classic? I hope not.

[Chromium_5 · 2/10 · 25 October 2005]

OK, this isn't the worst movie I've ever seen. You can't hate a movie that's SUPPOSED to be terrible. But it's still pretty hard to sit through.

I will say that it has an interesting cast... Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, Dave Thomas (from SCTV), and.... James Caan!? Bill Goldberg is hilarious as a demented Santa, too. But Douglas Smith... oh my God, I've NEVER seen acting this bad, not even in "Mosquito." I'm guessing the director told him to gesture a lot and he took it way too far, because it looks like he's having an epilectic seizure in every scene. Calm down, Doug.

This movie also has some of the worst lines I've ever heard. Even lines that are meant to be bad shouldn't be THIS bad. My favorite is when Doug gets hit in the head with a book, and in the next shot he's running down the hall and says, "Damn, that really hurt." OK, Doug, thanks for letting us know. Just when I'm getting over that line, his girlfriend says, "Quit taking the Lord's name in vain!" What!?

The camera work, special effects, and cast are good enough that you have to wonder why they squandered a decent budget on something like this. I think they were trying to make it a cult classic, but it'd take a Christmas miracle for that to happen.