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Fred Olen Ray
In a quiet suburban neighborhood, two sisters are about to experience the dark and sinister world of Terror Toons. Candy and Cindy's parents have traveled out of town for the weekend leaving the two sisters home alone. Cindy receives a mysterious package in the mail with a free DVD cartoon sent to her by the Devil himself. Candy is having a house party with some firends while Cindy views the cartoon in her room. She unintentionally lets loose two homicidal cartoon characters, Dr. Carnage and Max Assasin. They are out of the cartoon dimension and into the world as we know it. The feindish characters talk, torment and kill the partygoers in wild and kooky cartoon traditions. Cindy is the only one who has the power to stop the demented animations from continuing their insane murder spree. Can she save her friends? Can she save herself from the crazy mayhem?....or will everyone die? Written by
Unbearable. I don't even know where to begin on this other than saying that this was, by far, the worst movie I personally have ever seen.
For one, it was obvious that Candy was supposed to be around the age of 7 or 8, but was played by a porn star of about 25. What made this even worse was the fact that the camera shot on her obviously fake breasts was too long to even allow the viewer to even consider her being under the age of 10.
The rest of the cast, characters probably set around the age of anywhere from 17 - 19, should either be preparing for their first cooperate job or an early pre-metapause.
Before I even watched the film, I watched the trailer for Terror Toons, behind the scenes of Terror Toons and Interviews with the cast and crew.
From the trailer, I was disappointed the minute the cartoonish villains made their appearance. I had seen the case to this 'movie' in my local Blockbuster and from reading the information I imagined the 'house party' being a large group of 15 or more people being terrorized by creatures the size of your standard puppet. When I saw the life-sized insult to horror that was Doctor Carnage and Max Assassin and the four person party I was shocked at how wrong I was.
During the interviews with the actors and crew members, I could come to the conclusion that this movie would be filth. When interviewing the actor who played Eddie on what his most memorable scene was for him he couldn't even remember the two monsters who not only terrorized the four-some of 'teens' but the viewers as well. Then when the actress who played Amy was asked what she thought when she was told the movie would be shot in 3 days (God Save Us!) she said 'I'm not very good at memorizing lines and saying them so I was shocked!' all I could think was, 'So, she's basically telling us she's a terrible actress then?' And you don't know how right I was.
And, what was up with the random animated animals just popping up from the corner of the screen through out the movie? Not to mention the super hero! My god and what was with the ending?
I think that the house, though very cool, only added to the monstrosity of the movie. The vibrantly colored walls, covered in flames or stars, just made it look like a cheap movie that was shot to serve as a movie a character would watch in a major budget movie.
The only thing that was even remotely amusing about his movie was the mother of the two girls played by a man in drag.
From start to finish, this so called film was filled with bad acting, bad directing, bad writing and all around just a bad movie. At one point in the movie I was hoping that Max Assassin and Doctor Carnage would break into a mad, 'comedic' way and do away with me.
I let four weeks and four trips to Blockbuster go by before I decided on renting this movie and wish I would have forgotten all about it.
I can sum up everything wrong with this movie in one simple phrase. 'There were only two things wrong with this movie The camera lens was off and the sound was on'
Having said all of this I am going to allow myself to be an immensely huge walking contradiction. Despite Terror Toons', and it REALLY was a terror, horrid EVERYTHING, if I do see that my local Blockbuster does have a copy of Terror Toons: The Sick And Silly Show (the highly unanticipated sequel) I just might rent it. I do believe that people can learn from their mistakes and not hire porn stars or 30 year olds to play teenagers in a horror movie.
Though the movie did do a number on my mind and eyes (God, I hope I can forget about this movie someday) I think it did even more of a number on the actors and crew members even more. Just think these poor people with have to live with the fact that this movie is on the resumes forever.
2/10 --- The drag queen really saved them on this one.
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