Rock Profile (1999–2009)

Matt Lucas: Gary Barlow, H, Amy Winehouse, Barbara Bach, Benny, Bobby, Boy George, Clive, Damon Albarn, Dannii Minogue, Dave Rowntree, Dave Stewart, Ed, Elizabeth Taylor, Elton John, Frida, George Harrison, George Michael, Geri Halliwell, Jean Benoit, Jordan, Maurice Gibb, Patsy Kensit, Paul McCartney, Paul Simon, Ratty Paxton, Shaun Ryder, Shirley Bassey, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, The Edge, Various roles, Warren Cuccurillo

Quotes 

• Gary Barlow : [about the other Take That members]  They used to think you were a bully! They used to whisper names behind your back, I heard them! "Bully Barlow!"

  Howard Donald : That's your name.

  Gary Barlow : Oh.

• Benny Andersson : Not a lot of people realize our songs are political.

  Presenter : What, like "Dancing Queen?"

  Benny Andersson : Yeah, this is about the fall of communism.

  Presenter : I always thought it was about a dancing queen...

  Benny Andersson : It's a metaphor, dum-dum.

  Björn Ulvaeus : What do you think "Mamma Mia" is about?

  Presenter : Mummies?

  Björn Ulvaeus : Vietnam.

  Presenter : "The Winner Takes It All?"

  Björn Ulvaeus : Jimmy Tarbuck.

  Presenter : "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A Man After Midnight?"

  Benny Andersson : This is your own private business, we cannot procure men for you.

• Lee : [annoyed]  Do you know who I am?

  Presenter : You're Lee from Steps.

  Lee : Oh, I thought I was H.

  H : [confused]  No, I H.

  Lee : Well, who's Lisa, then?

  H : The fat one.

  Lee : I said we should have badges with our names on!

• [repeated line] 

  Elton John : Right, I'm leaving!

• Ronan Keating : [Lyrics to Rock the Blind]  I can see clearly now, the rain has gone!

  Elton John : I can see all obstacles in my way!

  [We see Lee and H dancing] 

  Sting : Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind!

  [While he sings, his indian friend walks past] 

  Cher : [in a robotic voice]  It's goin' be a bright, bright, bright, bright sun shiny day!

  Shirley Bassey : It's goin' be a bright, bright, bright sun shiny day! Champagne!

  Eminem : I think I can make it now. The pain is gone

  Craig David : Craig David!

• Paul Simon : [Lyrics continued]  All of the...

  Art Garfunkel : [interrupting]  ...all of the bad feelings have disappeared!

  Craig David : Craig David!

  Ricky Martin : Here's the rainbow I've been praying for!

  [H and Lee look confused] 

  Tom Jones : Look around, there's nothing but blue skies!

  The Bee Gees : Look straight ahead! There's nothing but blue...

  Barry Gibb : ...skies!

• Danny : [Lyrics continued]  I can see clearly now...

  Noel : ...the rain is gone.

  Noel/Danny : I can see all obstacles in my way!

  Gunner Steele : Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind!

  Elton John : It's goin' be a bright...

  Heather Small : ...bright...

  Sting : ...bright...

  Heather Small : ...bright...

• Unknown singer : [Lyrics continued]  ...sun shiny day!

  Craig David : Still Craig David!

  Macy Gray : It's goin' be a bright, bright, bright, bright sun shiny day! Them flies! Oh Lord!

  LuLu : It's goin' be a bright, bright, bright, bright sun shiny day!

  Gunner Steele : Keep you hands on your ha'penny!

  Prince : It's goin' be a bright, bright, bright, bright sun shiny day! Hey! You!

  Ronan Keating : It's goin' be a bright, bright sun shiny day! Bye bye!

• Paul Simon : [on his relationship with Art Garfunkel]  As longs as we don't have to see or listen to each other, we get along just fine.