One Million Heels B.C. (1993) User Reviews

exercise in redundancy

[movieman_kev · 2/10 · 17 October 2005]

Located as an extra on the DVD of "Scream Queen Hot Tub Party", this short film (only 35 minutes in length) has to do with a cave-girl (Michelle Bauer) being found by Rose (Cierra Knight) in her bedroom. So this calls for a lesbian shower with the strange monosyllabic neadrathal. The Cavegirl has to get accustomed to life in the 20th century after all But wait the cave-girl isn't alone and a cave-MAN shows up (OH NOS). Wait... why am I going on and on about the "plot"? t's just a very flimsy excuse to show gratuitous nudity and that's abundant in this film. However Michelle (who was approaching her 40's when this was made) is still the hottest girl in the short.

My Grade: D+

A wonderfully raunchy and ridiculous cinematic ode to the naked female form

[Woodyanders · 10/10 · 4 April 2007]

This terrific piece of lascivious trash begins on a profoundly artistic note with Rose (the impossibly tall, busty and leggy Cierra Knight) cooling herself off with a garden hose. A lone foxy cavegirl (the divine Michelle Bauer) shows up. Rose and cavegirl engage in an ineptly staged catfight. Then they take a lengthy shower. Rose's friend Savannah (the incredibly buxom and voluptuous popular skin mag pin-up favorite Jerica Fox) arrives at the house. Since both Rose and Savannah are -- big surprise! -- strippers, they decide to show cavegirl the tricks of their trashy trade by performing a smoking hot sleazy bump'n'grind number. All three gals join together to take a steamy group bath. Meanwhile a hairy caveman prowls around the house. The late, great Gary Graver directs this choice chunk of tasty cheese with exceptional taste, restraint and subtlety, thus offering plenty of heavy insight on any given red-blooded all-American male's deep-seated need to see beautiful women parade about in their birthday suits. Iron Mike Buell's groovy score totally rocks. The crude, leering cinematography surveys all the naked flesh with unapologetic voyeuristic glee. Overall, this superbly mindless T&A schlock rates highly as the "Citizen Kane" of tacky no-brainer soft-core sexploitation short movies.

Pretty Much What You'd Expect from a Softcore Title

[Michael_Elliott · 25 June 2016]

One Million Heels B.C. (1993)

** (out of 4)

This thirty-five minute film has the big breasted Rose (Cierra Knight) playing with a water hose when she decides to go in and work out. While all of this is going on a cave woman (Michelle Bauer) decide to try out the hose and then enter the house. Soon the two are in a shower together when another woman (Jerica Fox) decides to join them.

Obviously one shouldn't expect too much story from a direct-to-video movie like this one. Yes, movies like these were made because men liked to see women naked. That's really the only explanation for a movie like this one or countless others that were made back during this era of home rentals.

For the most part there's nothing horribly wrong with this film but at the same time there's really nothing great either. You've basically got the four women taking their clothes off, rubbing each other off and various other softcore moments. If that's your thing then you should enjoy this.