Review of Priest

Priest (2011)
7/10
Stakes on a Train
2 July 2020
Priest was recommended to me by my late brother, whose love of vampires was only second to his love of gothic fashion. Inspired by a graphic novel series of the same name which was itself inspired by the fantastic video game Blood (1997), Priest is a glorious mix of fantasy/sci-fi/western themes and environments with just enough corniness to make the average graphic novel fan or gamer settle in with popcorn and have a good time.

Paul Bettany plays Priest, utilizing a wonderful Western-esque American accent and looking fine as Mr. Tall, Blonde, and Broody. He lives in a religiously-themed authoritarian city reminiscent of the walled cities in Attack on Titan, where the only thing darker and stinkier than the gritty streets is the Order he has dedicated his life to, led by the always-talented Christopher Plummer. When word gets to him that a family member is in peril after a vampire attack, he rebels against his Order's wishes and goes on a mission to save her, picking up two companions along the way.

Priest starts out a little slow at first before we get insight into Bettany's character, but once he flees the city the film is a feast for the eyes if you love dark, gritty environments. There are also a few bright, post-apocalyptic vistas here, with giant deserts and canyons, fallen city husks, and giant, worn religious monuments. The action scenes stretch the boundaries of realism at times, but always in a fun "Wait, he did WHAT?" kind of way rather than a distraction. Priest has a variety of weapons, gadgets, and moves at his disposal, though Priestess (played by Maggie Q) has the honor of executing the best kill of the movie in its climax. How they must have cleaned up the scene to keep the movie PG-13!

Speaking of the rating: though low on gore, Priest never felt particularly tame or stunted due to its low rating. The more gore and giblets the merrier, but its absence wasn't missed here, aided in part by the film's overall dark tone. Other reviews lament Priest's lack of gripping story; I never had a problem with its straightforward nature, though I liked the movie enough to wish for further films in the franchise (at this point, unlikely).

Some high points of Priest for me: Karl Urban, who intrigues me in everything he does, brings out his inner sass to play the wonderfully intimidating Black Hat. The vampires (save for Black Hat) are creatures, not sensual humans with funny accents, which is my favorite rendition of the myth that is rarely done in modern media. Brad Dourif (Chucky from Child's Play) has a fun bit role as a sleazy salesman. And lastly...vampires are cool, but what's even better? Trains. That's right, folks, the climax features one determined steampunk-esque locomotive, and that just lit a spark in my little girl heart.

I understand why many don't consider Priest one of their favorite movies, but its low score baffles me. There are things Priest could have done better, sure. There are deeper stories to be told in this unique and interesting universe. But Priest was never offensively bad or even mediocre, and as a fan of both video games and graphic novels, it provided something special for me. To my brother: I'm sorry I didn't watch this before you passed, but you were right about Priest. I really liked it.
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