Basement (2010)
Having your teeth drilled with no anaesthetic would be preferable to watching this rubbish!
8 September 2010
Last time I saw Danny Dyer was in The Business, which was an entertaining movie, so when I saw he was in a new film called Basement, I thought "Why not?" Had I know what was in front of me, I would say "Why bother?!"

Anyway, a complete waste of time is putting it mildly. Scooping my eyeballs out with sharpened ice cream scoops and then filling the gaping sockets with rock salt would have been preferable to watching this utter bilge. Dire script - really, REALLY dire, lamentable acting - I'd love to have been there at the auditions - how did the actors keep their faces straight? It was utterly terrible from the word go. Well, not strictly true as it's pretty difficult to screw up a set of film titles. Bizarrely I submitted myself to the ultimate torture and stayed to watch 'til the end, in the faint and getting fainter (like my will to live) by the minute hope that it would get better, or maybe had a killer payoff - which is doesn't.

I started watching this film sitting upright on the couch, and as the penance wore on, I slumped down to a position that left me looking and feeling like I'd spent 5 hours being sat on by overweight feminists after turning up at a women's lib demonstration with a sigh that read "Iron My Shirts!".

Seriously though, what was Danny Dyer thinking? Was he behind on the rent when he signed up for this trash? Jimmy Mistry should have known better too. I mean, do they actually read the scripts before signing on the dotted line?

Actually, scratch that because if you're unfortunate enough to sit through this garbage, then you very quickly come to the conclusion that they were reading the script for the first time on the toilet, on day one of filming!

A friend of mine's wife says that I always manage to find something positive to say about most movies, even the bad ones, but this is a definite first for me in that I can find nothing positive whatsoever to say about it. It's really, truly awful. Bad (terrible!) acting, laughable script, and very poor direction. No redeeming qualities whatsoever.

What makes it even worse, is that they've had the cheek to release it on the vastly over-priced Blu-Ray as well!!!!

Arrrgh!
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