John Smith has been happily involved in a bigamous marriage for five years. He lives with Stephanie in Finsbury and Michelle in Stockwell. Fortunately, for John, he's a taxi driver which ... See full summary »
Denise Van Outen,
Ruthless killer for hire (Danny Dyer) breaks the rules of his profession and falls for a beautiful young woman. Discovering the notorious gangland brothers (Martin & Gary Kemp) had hired ... See full summary »
Special ops interrogation officer Jimmy Vickers tracks down a gang who slaughtered his parents. With police closing in & his old unit on his trail, he has to to evade capture long enough to complete his gruesome crusade.
Do You Like My Basement? tracks how one man's creative frustration bore a need to make the perfect horror film. Stanley Farmer was rejected universally by the film world. His frustration ... See full summary »
A loan shark gives ex-con Nick a period of 24 hours in order to pay back the money he owes. Up against it, Nick involves his best mate on a multi-part mission in order to raise the cash ... See full summary »
Danny wants something more. Expelled from school and living in his grandfathers flat, he longs to live up to the image of his estranged father Danny Senior. Sent to prison for force feeding... See full summary »
A group of men head to a remote village to help one of their friends get over his divorce; when they get there, though, they discover that all the women have been infected with a virus that makes them man-hating cannibals.
When English Mark surprises his American bride Holly with her dream honeymoon to Portugal she cant believe her luck. Mark goes to great trouble to organise everything for her. They arrive ... See full summary »
A mother and young daughter are coerced into joining her ex-husband on a stolen yacht bound for the west coast of Africa. Five days into the journey a raging storm engulfs them, forcing the... See full summary »
What do you think... me and Derek?
Yeah, I think you make a nice couple.
"Nice"? What's "nice"?
It was meant to be a compliment.
We both just sort of gravitated towards one another.
Do you remember me telling you about my twin sister who died in childbirth?
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Having your teeth drilled with no anaesthetic would be preferable to watching this rubbish!
Last time I saw Danny Dyer was in The Business, which was an entertaining movie, so when I saw he was in a new film called Basement, I thought "Why not?" Had I know what was in front of me, I would say "Why bother?!"
Anyway, a complete waste of time is putting it mildly. Scooping my eyeballs out with sharpened ice cream scoops and then filling the gaping sockets with rock salt would have been preferable to watching this utter bilge. Dire script - really, REALLY dire, lamentable acting
I'd love to have been there at the auditions - how did the actors
keep their faces straight? It was utterly terrible from the word go. Well, not strictly true as it's pretty difficult to screw up a set of film titles. Bizarrely I submitted myself to the ultimate torture and stayed to watch 'til the end, in the faint and getting fainter (like my will to live) by the minute hope that it would get better, or maybe had a killer payoff - which is doesn't.
I started watching this film sitting upright on the couch, and as the penance wore on, I slumped down to a position that left me looking and feeling like I'd spent 5 hours being sat on by overweight feminists after turning up at a women's lib demonstration with a sigh that read "Iron My Shirts!".
Seriously though, what was Danny Dyer thinking? Was he behind on the rent when he signed up for this trash? Jimmy Mistry should have known better too. I mean, do they actually read the scripts before signing on the dotted line?
Actually, scratch that because if you're unfortunate enough to sit through this garbage, then you very quickly come to the conclusion that they were reading the script for the first time on the toilet, on day one of filming!
A friend of mine's wife says that I always manage to find something positive to say about most movies, even the bad ones, but this is a definite first for me in that I can find nothing positive whatsoever to say about it. It's really, truly awful. Bad (terrible!) acting, laughable script, and very poor direction. No redeeming qualities whatsoever.
What makes it even worse, is that they've had the cheek to release it on the vastly over-priced Blu-Ray as well!!!!
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