Here is what I'd predict Harrison Ford's letter to America after viewing this movie would be:
Dear Moviegoers --
Hi, I'm an overrated grizzled old actor named Harrison Ford. Instead of giving it up after the horrendous 'Hollywood Homicide', I'm back with another movie! My new movie is 'Firewall'. It's a slow-moving thriller surrounding me. I'm a well-off, older but still incredibly sexy and wealthy investment banker with two whiny children who can't act and a wife whose twenty years younger than me played by Virginia Madsen. You may remember Virginia Madsen for giving an incredible multi-layered performance in 'Sideways', but now she abandons all her artistic integrity to stagger through a crappy role in my new movie. These friggin' terrorists kidnap my family, and I kick the crap out of 'em and save the day. One is played by British actor Paul Bettany who gives the finest performance in this lackluster of a film, and I kick his ass! The ending is sappy and the only redeeming quality about the 105 minute film is some great action sequences toward the end. Oops, I almost forgot there is a cute little puppy dog in the movie who gets into some wacky trouble.
P.S.: Please stop calling me asking for your money refunded.
(Grade: C- (screened at AMC Deer Valley 30, Phoenix, Arizona, 2/11/05)
Dear Moviegoers --
Hi, I'm an overrated grizzled old actor named Harrison Ford. Instead of giving it up after the horrendous 'Hollywood Homicide', I'm back with another movie! My new movie is 'Firewall'. It's a slow-moving thriller surrounding me. I'm a well-off, older but still incredibly sexy and wealthy investment banker with two whiny children who can't act and a wife whose twenty years younger than me played by Virginia Madsen. You may remember Virginia Madsen for giving an incredible multi-layered performance in 'Sideways', but now she abandons all her artistic integrity to stagger through a crappy role in my new movie. These friggin' terrorists kidnap my family, and I kick the crap out of 'em and save the day. One is played by British actor Paul Bettany who gives the finest performance in this lackluster of a film, and I kick his ass! The ending is sappy and the only redeeming quality about the 105 minute film is some great action sequences toward the end. Oops, I almost forgot there is a cute little puppy dog in the movie who gets into some wacky trouble.
- Harrison Ford
P.S.: Please stop calling me asking for your money refunded.
(Grade: C- (screened at AMC Deer Valley 30, Phoenix, Arizona, 2/11/05)