The curse of the bad horror film has endured pretty much since the beginning of cinema. Today, the trend continues alive and well thanks to a recent glut of 70's horror movie remakes like When a Stranger Calls.
The mediocrity of the new Dawn of the Dead is nowhere to be found, nor is the stunning horrendousness of last years The Fog. No, all that awaits unlucky audiences here is a completely undistinguished and fully- you know, even as I write I am slowly wiping the existence of this film from my memory.
Of course, even Rain Man would have trouble remembering the specifics of such a vapid excuse of entertainment that adds nothing of substance to its outplayed, over-produced genre.
It hurts to realize that there are probably hundreds of un-produced scripts out there that will never see the light of day while every month senseless retreads are green lit right and left.
Of course, not everything is completely worthless in When a Stranger Calls. The cinematography follows "suspense 101" by creating a tapestry of shadows and gloom. It's not terribly original, but it works.
Also, the casting isn't entirely off-center. Camilla Belle (from The Ballad of Jack and Rose and The Chumscrubber) has credentials to show that she has some talent lurking within, although here it is completely wasted. Not for a single moment does she really portray any true emotions of fear, anxiety, or even mere nervousness.
Of course, a terrible script helps nothing. Looking for twists? Shocks? A deeper meaning beyond the carnage? Yeah, try looking elsewhere.
Oh, right, did I mention carnage? There's not a whole lot of that, either. In fact, there's not a whole lot of anything.
Still, the single worst element about this dull remake is the choice of director: Simon West.
Here is a man best known for his bombastic action films, such as the admittedly decent Con Air and the unforgettably forgettable Tomb Raider: Lara Croft.
Too bad action and suspense are two very different concepts. Though it is technically possible to have subtlety in an action film, usually throwing a bunch of pretty colors on screen is enough to make passable fair.
However, a good suspense thriller requires much more; it requires finesse, and pacing, and a use of the more invisible properties of film.
Mr. West of course knows nothing of this, and his clunky, dead directing erases any sense of immediacy or threat. Mood and atmosphere dissolve into nothingness as tension becomes tedium.
This, mixed with wooden performances by nearly all the major players, leads to a suspense thriller without (you guessed it) suspense or thrills.
I beg you, please don't see this movie. The lack of ambition behind every element of this production is staggering. Passionless and mechanical as a whole, even the trailer holds the majority of the narrative within a short, two minute time span.
Sadly the more money a film like this earns the more encouragement the producers find, accepting lower and lower standards of quality as they continually shove their C-grade "horror" down our throats.
If you don't believe me, just wait until March when The Hills Have Eyes comes out. Of course, anything would be a step up considering how low the bar has now been set.
Remember, When a Stranger Calls, don't pick-up.
Critic's Conclusion: This is a bad, bad movie that is best forgotten. Nothing else witty or clever to say, just avoid this film. Save your money, your time, and those oh so precious brain cells that can be burnt in many other, infinitely more interesting ways.
The mediocrity of the new Dawn of the Dead is nowhere to be found, nor is the stunning horrendousness of last years The Fog. No, all that awaits unlucky audiences here is a completely undistinguished and fully- you know, even as I write I am slowly wiping the existence of this film from my memory.
Of course, even Rain Man would have trouble remembering the specifics of such a vapid excuse of entertainment that adds nothing of substance to its outplayed, over-produced genre.
It hurts to realize that there are probably hundreds of un-produced scripts out there that will never see the light of day while every month senseless retreads are green lit right and left.
Of course, not everything is completely worthless in When a Stranger Calls. The cinematography follows "suspense 101" by creating a tapestry of shadows and gloom. It's not terribly original, but it works.
Also, the casting isn't entirely off-center. Camilla Belle (from The Ballad of Jack and Rose and The Chumscrubber) has credentials to show that she has some talent lurking within, although here it is completely wasted. Not for a single moment does she really portray any true emotions of fear, anxiety, or even mere nervousness.
Of course, a terrible script helps nothing. Looking for twists? Shocks? A deeper meaning beyond the carnage? Yeah, try looking elsewhere.
Oh, right, did I mention carnage? There's not a whole lot of that, either. In fact, there's not a whole lot of anything.
Still, the single worst element about this dull remake is the choice of director: Simon West.
Here is a man best known for his bombastic action films, such as the admittedly decent Con Air and the unforgettably forgettable Tomb Raider: Lara Croft.
Too bad action and suspense are two very different concepts. Though it is technically possible to have subtlety in an action film, usually throwing a bunch of pretty colors on screen is enough to make passable fair.
However, a good suspense thriller requires much more; it requires finesse, and pacing, and a use of the more invisible properties of film.
Mr. West of course knows nothing of this, and his clunky, dead directing erases any sense of immediacy or threat. Mood and atmosphere dissolve into nothingness as tension becomes tedium.
This, mixed with wooden performances by nearly all the major players, leads to a suspense thriller without (you guessed it) suspense or thrills.
I beg you, please don't see this movie. The lack of ambition behind every element of this production is staggering. Passionless and mechanical as a whole, even the trailer holds the majority of the narrative within a short, two minute time span.
Sadly the more money a film like this earns the more encouragement the producers find, accepting lower and lower standards of quality as they continually shove their C-grade "horror" down our throats.
If you don't believe me, just wait until March when The Hills Have Eyes comes out. Of course, anything would be a step up considering how low the bar has now been set.
Remember, When a Stranger Calls, don't pick-up.
Critic's Conclusion: This is a bad, bad movie that is best forgotten. Nothing else witty or clever to say, just avoid this film. Save your money, your time, and those oh so precious brain cells that can be burnt in many other, infinitely more interesting ways.