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Bree forces Andrew to bring Alex's common mother Melina to dinner, but the future in-laws instantly hate each-other, rivaling for their gay sons' presence at family holidays, and in whose town they'll live. Susan and Lee get so drunk they wake up in bed together. Bob discovers twins Porter and Preston switched places and refuses to risk disbarring for failing to report so by the next court date. So finds out the twins have phone contact and leans on Preston to help save bail, hence the business, by asking his brother back. Carlos intends to accept a feel good job in the community center which helped him while blind. Gaby will stop at nothing to steer him to a more lucrative job with Bradley Scott, however unhappy that lifestyle makes his wife Maria. Edie discovers at night Dave is secretly committed to people on a picture he hides.—KGF Vissers

Susan turns to Lee for companionship over Jackson moving away. Lynette deals with the consequences when the secret is out that Preston has been taking the heat for Porter over the fire. Gabrielle turns up the heat on Carlos to get a "real job" which leads to them inviting over his former co-worker Bradley, and his wife over hoping they will land Carlos a white-collar job. Meanwhile, Bree feels the heat when Andrew's future mother-in-law, Melina, comes to Wisteria Lane for a visit and wants to plan Andrew and Alex's commitment ceremony. Also, Edie feels Dave slipping away while Mrs. McClusky and her sister, Roberta, continue to investigate Dave by tracking down Dave's therapist in Boston, unaware that he has already been murdered.—Moviedude1

"Desperate Housewives" - "Home is the Place"- Jan. 4, 2009

As we see pictures of the Van De Kamp family Mary Alice tells us about the important moments in a family's life and then the moment families dread: meeting the in-laws. Alex's mom Melina has come to visit the Hodges to get to know them before the wedding. (She's played by Joanna Cassidy). She is a brassy, bitchy cocktail watiress who has lost her job and apologizes for having to impose on Bree. They then sit and Melina "calls" Christmas with the boys. Bree says this isn't how holidays are decided. Melina keeps pressuring her, "calling" Thanksgiving as well. Bree says she doesn't want to do it this way and thinks the boys will agree with her. Melina replies that she called Christmas fair and square and if Bree tries to screw her over she'll hold a grudge. Bree has decided to hate Melina, another important family moment according to Mary Alice.

Mary Alice continues to talk about the need for a lovely home in suburbia as we Edie walking by houses before finally arriving at hers. Inside Dave is rifling through pills in a briefcase. Edie just a got a great listing and wants Dave to take her out dancing. Dave says not tonight. She asks if he's sick. He says he's good but he looks like crap: crazy hair, unshaven, disheveled. Edie says he's shutting her out again. He says he doesn't like talking about his troubles. She says she doesn't like sitting at home. He apologizes that she's unhappy. She says he should know she doesn't stay unhappy for long.

At the Mayer house Susan is listening to a message from Jackson who is at his college reunion, missing her, and wanting to talk. Outside Susan overhears Bob and Lee fighting, Lee wants to go clubbing, Bob can't. Lee spies Susan eavesdropping and calls her a gossip. Susan offers to trade dirt on Bree and Lee is all ears. Susan points out that he's no better than her and says she wants to go to the club with him since Mike has MJ and Jackson is out of town.

Bob is with the Scavos and he's trying to prep "Porter" but of course it's Preston pretending to be Porter so he can't answer any of Bob's questions since he knows nothing. Bob is confused since even in jail Porter was nervous but able to keep his story straight. Preston leaves the room and we hear Penny coming up to him and yelling at Preston about stealing her CD player. Lynette "corrects" her pointing out that that's Porter with a nudge and a wink and Bob finally gets it.

Over at the Solis house Carlos is coming back from a walk with the girls enthralled by his new sight and all of the wonderfully beautiful things in nature he took for granted like ladybugs, one of which he's holding. The girls go inside and Carlos tells Gaby he quit his job as a masseur. Carlos realizes now that he has his vision back the world is his oyster and plus his client's are gross. In the meantime he wants to spend time with the girls smelling the roses and appreciating nature. Gaby, who finds this unacceptable, goes to get him the want ads.

Orson comes in to find Bree ironing a tablecloth and wonders why she isn't using the good one. Bree replies Melina doesn't deserve it. Although Orson agrees that Melina isn't what they hoped for he says Bree is the queen of plastering on a fake smile and now is the time to muster it.

Lynette and Tom are apologizing to Bob saying they don't know where Porter is. He says he now has a legal obligation to report it. They explain that they're desperate to keep this news to themselves because their bail will vanish when the judge finds out. And since Lynette used the restaurant as collateral for the bail their only source of income will go poof. Bob says he's meeting with the DA in two days and they have 48 hours to find Porter. At the top of the stairs Preston is listening.

Gaby ogles goods in a high end store and then walks towrard a lower end place featuing a man in a clown suit standing out front. A man in a much nicer business suit approaches her and it turns out he's an old colleague of Carlos' who just happens to be looking for someone for his new investment firm. Gaby accepts the job on Carlos' behalf and heads back towards the fancy store.

McCluskey and her sister have arrived in Boston at Dr. Heller's office but the receptionist doesn't know when he'll be back. (Never of course, since he died in the club fire). They say they'll wait.

Gaby tells Carlos about his new job. Carlos says he actually already got a job at the community center helping the blind. Gaby is not impressed. He says it's meaningful work. She says the other guy is offering perks. He says working with the blind will be fulfilling. She says she worked with the blind for the past five years and not so much. He also points out that Brad, the suit guy, is an ass. He leaves and Gaby calls up Brad and invites him to dinner to seal the deal with Carlos.

At the club Susan is excited to dance. (Best line of the show: When Susan says she'll have what Lee is having he replies "cirrhosis of the liver coming right up.") Jackson calls on Susan's cell and gives her some surprising news. (Whatever it is it must be covering for Gale Harold's post-accident absence.)

Bree emerges from her front door to find Melina swilling beer on her stoop. Bree offers her the patio in the backyard. Melina declines. Andrew and Alex arrive after a day of house hunting. They saw things they liked but the prices are outrageous. Melina plants the seed that in Oakdale, where she lives, they could get a five bedroom house for those same prices. Bree points out that all of Alex's patients are in Fairview. Melina says there are sick people everywhere. Bree says those people have their own doctors. Melina tells him to stay and live in his tiny apartment and let the other doctors make fun of him. Alex says he and Andrew should check out Oakdale. Andrew agrees. With relish and a grin Melina says if the boys move to Oakdale, Bree can have them for Christmas after all.

At the club Lee is ranting that he wished he could find a way to get back at Bob and his smug attitude about being the provider. Lee is the stay-at-home gay apparently. Susan reveals that Jackson was offered a job at his old college in Riverton and that he wants Susan to move there with him. She says she might. Lee thinks she's settling like people do at bars at closing time, pointing out a less than desirable guy across the bar. She says she isn't and that she has a history of sabotaging her relationships and that she's going to seal the deal this time. Lee sees the homely guy approaching and asks to squeeze Susan's boob to throw him off the scent. She lets him. Cut to Susan awaking next to Lee in bed and freaking out. Finding empty wine bottles and freaking out. Finding a smooth jazz CD in the player and freaking out. Lee runs down wondering why Susan didn't wake him. He says last night was fun. Different, but fun. And then he smacks her ass and runs out. She continues to freak out.

In the driveway on her cell Lynette is telling Tom that she spoke with all of Porter's classmates and none know where he is. She looks over at Preston on his phone and wonders why he didn't pick up when she called. He shows her the call log saying he never got the calls. She grabs his phone and runs and yells into it, correctly assuming it's Porter who hangs up. Preston says Porter isn't coming back because Mr. Schilling threatened to kill him and he, Preston, doesn't know where he is. Lynette says they can get a restraining order but Porter needs to come back to save the restaurant. Preston says that he won't force his brother to come back so his parents can sell pizza. (Ah, teenagers).

Gaby is wondering how Susan could sleep with someone and not remember it. She says she was drunk. Gaby asks how it was. Susan says it was just different. She wonders if she did it subconsciously to sabotage her relationship. Gaby wonders who it was. Bob comes a knocking wondering what happened last night. Susan says Lee slept on the couch and Bob needn't worry. Bob says he's worried he slept with another man. Gaby, figuring out who Susan's mystery one night stand was, titters. Susan assures him he didn't. Bob says he knows Lee loves him but "when he's got a few drinks in him, he'll bang anything with a pulse and facial hair," which draws a huge guffaw from Gaby (and this recapper).

The McCluskey sisters wait and pester the receptionist, who eventually gets mad and confesses the doctor is actually missing and should've been back a week ago. The phone rings and it's Dave. The McCluskey's begin to suspect Dave. Dave still needs a prescription filled and gives his new address. Roberta gives up and McCluskey chases after her just as the receptionist says "Wisteria Lane what a lovely name."

At the Hodges' house Bree and Orson are serving dinner and Melina offers to help. Bree declines. Andrew and Alex arrive and they sit. Melina sits in Bree's chair, which she called, to Bree's consternation. Melina announces that she told a doctor in Oakdale that Alex and Andrew are moving there and that said doctor is retiring and wants Alex to take over his practice. Bree points out the five hour commute for Andrew who is hesitant. Alex says it's the only way they can afford a house and if they're going to have kids it could be a good opportunity. News of kids ripples around the table. Melina offers to babysit and offers a toast to Oakdale. Bree flips out and says she bought Alex and Andrew the Adams' house. She says it was a wedding surprise. Andrew says it's too generous. Melina agrees. Bree says it's nothing Melina wouldn't do. Alex thanks Bree. Bree tells Orson to pour Melina more wine, while she calls Edie.

Carlos arrives home to see Brad and his wife in the house. He pulls Gaby aside to talk about it. She asks Carlos to hear Brad out and if he's still not interested she will support him. He agrees. At dinner Brad brags about his business exploits and bickers with his wife. Gaby asks about the job. Brad says it involves high end dealmaking and international travel. His angry, drunk wife says it's loads of fun to sit alone in five star hotels while her husband crushes the third world under his jackboot. Brad is displeased. Carlos is unimpressed and turns down the offer. Brad says Carlos can do his work with the deaf on the weekends. (hee.) His wife tells Carlos not to take the job and to keep trying to help people and oh by the way she wants a divorce. She leaves the table, wine bottle in hand.

Edie awakes to an empty bed and finds Dave downstairs telling his imaginary family how much he misses them at the kitchen table. She taps his shoulder and he grabs her arm violently. He apologizes and says he wasn't talking to anyone. Dave admits he's not feeling well. She asks again who he was talking to and he says to leave him alone.

Lynette and Preston are in the car. Preston wonders where they're going. They stop in front of a bar. She tells him that before she became a mother she didn't realize how much she could love someone, that it's a primal need to protect her children and not care about herself. He wonders why she's telling him this. She says that he told her that Warren Schilling threatened to kill Porter. She says she won't let that happen. This is the bar where Schilling goes every night and tonight when he leaves, she says, she's going to do whatever she has to to make sure her family is safe. She opens his door for him and tells him to get out because he can't be in the car when it happens. He asks if she's seriously going to run him over. She says it's in her DNA. As the door opens Preston says he gets it and that he will call Porter and convince him to come home. Lynette drives off.

Carlos tells Gaby he's going to lay it out for her: he can either help people and feel good or take a soul-crushing job. He's choosing door number one. Gaby says she's going to lay it out: he needs to grow up and get a real job that will help alleviate the sacrifices his family has been making for the five years they've been taking care of him. He says she knows what the job would be like, that he'd never be home and when he was he'd be tired and irritated. She says poverty took a toll on them as well. He asks her to please not make him do this. She stares at him. He picks up the phone and dials Bradley and tells him he'll take the job. Gaby kisses him.

Susan goes to visit Lee. He invites her in to tea. She asks Lee if they slept together. He says, "ye gods no, are you insane." He points out that he's gay, listening to opera, and wearing a kimono. She says she can now move in with Jackson with a clear conscious. He wonders why she's moving in with him. She says because he loves her. He asks if she loves him. She says she's getting there. Lee wonders if she shouldn't wait to make the move until she actually arrives. She says now that she knows she and Mike are never reconciling she has to move on. He points out that moving on doesn't have to mean moving in. She says since Jackson isn't good with long distance relationships and she's not good alone she can't lose him. Lee says she doesn't need a man, that they're useless. She points out that they are fun to dance with. They hug and he tells her that if Susan tells Jackson she's not ready and Jackson leaves her that he, Lee, will dance with her until someone better comes along. She kisses him.

At the Scavo house Preston convinces Porter to speak to Lynette. She asks where he is and promises everything will be fine. He says Warren Schilling will either kill him or he'll go to jail. She says they'll get a restraining order and with the lack of evidence Bob thinks the case could get dismissed. She asks Porter to trust her. He says he does and then the phone is yanked from him by his ... grandmother- Lynette's mom- who says he shouldn't fall for it and that she trusted Lynette once too and look where it got her.

At the Britt-Williams house Edie is on the couch, where she apparently slept after the bad night with Dave. Dave, who is now clean-shaven and suit-clad apologizes. Edie stops him and says she wants an explanation not an apology and if he can't give her one, they're finished. He says he's just stressed out. She says stress doesn't make you talk to imaginary people. He sits and tells her that before they met he was married to someone else but she died and last night she was on his mind. Edie is shocked that he had been married previously. Dave says what does it matter since she's dead. Edie says it matters and tells him he has until tonight to gather his stuff and get out.

Mary Alice returns to tell us how everyone needs a lovely home in the suburbs so no one will know what's going on inside as we see: a "sold" sign on the Adams house and Alex and Andrew entering it and kissing. She continues to tell us that behind these freshly painted walls you will find parents wracked with guilt (as we see Lynette looking pensively out her window); wives tired of struggling (as we see Gaby looking pensively out her window); lovers who have been lied to (as we see Edie gazing fitfully out the window as Dave departs suitcase in hand in the background). We cut to Dave leaving through the front door and walking down the street and spying McCluskey entering her own house.