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The Grudge 2 (2006)
2/10
A bit of fun for people who scare easily
24 May 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I'm not much of a horror fan, being jumpy and susceptible to nightmares (I know, I know.) So when I watched this, I was expecting to be reduced to a weeping wreck cowering behind a pillow - that is, after all, how I ended up watching half of The Ring, from behind a hastily-grabbed cushion.

But this...well, I'll start by saying if you've seen the Ring films, you're not really gaining any new knowledge by watching Grudge 2. The films are desperately similar - maybe it's just Japanese horror, maybe it's overuse of the "writers are all thieves" excuse, possibly it's the exact same director using a pseudonym - I don't know. But don't expect anything vastly different from this.

Some of it is just plain weird. One bit, in the principal's office, may even make you laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. There are some decent jolts, but they're followed by an immediate drop in pace which takes a while to build up again, and after a while you can predict with incredible accuracy what the next scare is going to be, or how so-and-so is going to die.

"So-and-so", by the way, is the way you'll end up referring to the characters, because I only learnt the name of the main character about 3/4 of the way through, and the three interchangeable story lines, held awkwardly together by a fishing-line thin link, each have a dark-haired female character that look related to each other. Perhaps this is intentional, but confusion takes away some of the impact.

Watch it with the lights off on your own and you might get something more from it. This is really suited to a teen sleepover, followed by a nice game of "Bloody Mary". In the dark, of course. With a candle.
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Star Wars: Shortened! (2006 TV Movie)
10/10
20 Minutes of Pure Hilarity
20 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
*** THIS COMMENT DOES CONTAIN SPOILERS, ALL MORE OBVIOUS THAN DARTH VADER'S BREATHING ***

OK, firstly - even if you despise Star Wars and would rather remove your own eyeballs than be forced to watch the originals, you will thoroughly enjoy this, perhaps so much so that you will put away the gouger.

In a whirlwind ride, comprising fantastic impressions of all the familiar characters (yes, even Jar-Jar Binks), lightning-quick character changes, a Yoda puppet and a plush toy Anakin Skywalker, the Reduced Shakespeare Company take us through all of the Star Wars films in less than half an hour, rousing goofy smiles and big laughs.

It includes such gems as "The Attack of the Clones" song, "Ode To An AT-AT", and lines such as 'This is my apprentice, Obi Wan Kenobi, and I am Liam Neeson' - and, yes, the scary Yoda puppet (who admits 'Syntax my all messed up is!')

Stay put because, right at the end, these guys pull off an almost impossible feat - they perform the whole darn thing in 60 SECONDS. As Yoda himself might (not) say, "Amused indeed I am."
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