FrankMTOrlando Reviews

Atomic Blonde (2017)

Let me save you the trouble.

[18 August 2023]

Minor plot information.

Close up of Theron mumbling whispered dialog.

Slow and poorly shot, choreographed fight.

Popular song driven montage.

Minor plot information.

Close up of Theron mumbling whispered dialog.

Slow and poorly shot, choreographed fight.

Popular song driven montage.

Minor plot information.

Close up of Theron mumbling whispered dialog.

Slow and poorly shot, choreographed fight.

Popular song driven montage.

Minor plot information.

Close up of Theron mumbling whispered dialog.

Slow and poorly shot, choreographed fight.

Popular song driven montage.

Minor plot information.

Popular song driven montage.

FIN.

White Men Can't Jump (2023)

NO one asked for this.

[25 May 2023]

If you are gonna do a remake, then do a remake. You don't need to look further than from the carbon copy cover of the original. This film might has well been produced by an AI. Dry, boring, typical 'edgy' tired race tropes. Saying this is a cash grab is giving it too much credit. The saddest thing is that somewhere in the pits of moving making there are a handful of folks proudly walking around bragging they worked on this. A poem which is worth more than a single frame of this trash.

When fire consumes all my life's work; when bitter cold buries all my memories. When the darkness breeds evil beyond imagining; when the light fades and hope disappears.

The end of days, bringing damnation.

The end of days, my last hope for salvation.

I watch the flares in the night sky.

I see the light racing towards me.

I feel no pain as my flesh is torn; I feel no pain as I no longer live.

The end of days, come soon or far.

The end of days, my last hope of salvation.

How shall I spend my final hours?

Do I become a devil or a saint.

My soul hopes I make good, my mind knows better.

I am neither a devil or a saint.

I live a life I deem worthy.

The end of days, the final reckoning.

The end of days, my last hope of salvation.

Today I do not think of the end of days.

Today I think of a better world.

Today I think of a place to raise my children.

Today I think I will try to make it better.

The end of days, the final hours.

The end of days, I wish you ill will.

Keep back, world's end, stay away forever!

I want my children to live!

I want my children to see the birth of theirs.

I sit back and enjoy what comes.

The end of days will come, but I can do my part to stall it.

~Brian Hinckley.

From (2022– )

A great stolen premise executed by Canadian local theatre troup

[8 October 2022]

After watching this with anticipation as it was filmed close to home and wanting to support it I gave this show far more of a chance than it deserved. Visually it looks great but the editing and direction are atrocious. Amateur mistakes of characters walking off screen to appear on the wrong side of sight line, weird transitions between scenes, terrible audio. But the pinnacle of terrible is the acting. Over acting and terrible line reads. So much dialog is lost with unintelligible poor line delivery.

I suggest a drinking game. Every time a character slams something down instead of simply placing it , take a drink. Every time someone draws something and then crumples it up and tosses on the floor take a drink. You won't make it very far without alcohol poisoning sets in.

Lastly, someone needs to reach out to the writers and producers of the film Vivarium. Because this whole show ripped off the whole premise.

Only positives are actors Harold Perrineau and the incredible Elizabeth Saunders. The rest need to go do an endless traveling performance of Butter Box Babies on ice, funded by a Quebec tax credit.

House of the Dragon (2022– )

Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[5 September 2022]

Dear freaking god this is soooo boring. Just hours of folks droning on and on about things only a few care about. Reminds of Game of Thrones, which was the same BUT took the time to drop in some bloodshed and loud scenes to wake you up every 15 minutes. This is embarrassingly terrible. How they thought it was a good idea to do a prequel to one of the worst shows ever produced is surprising. Do yourself a favour and read the books. This is not worth your time and effort. UNLESS you are looking for something to fall asleep to. "There's nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it. And who has a better story than Bran the Broken? The boy who fell from a high tower and lived... He's our memory. The keeper of all our stories. The wars, weddings, births, massacres, famines, our triumphs, our defeats, our past. Who better to lead us into the future?" There 600 words.

Time Lapse (2014)

Potential ...ly seen this before

[11 April 2022]

Too many similarities to another, greater, film, Shallow Grave (1994). While there are some interesting concepts in this film there is a point where they took the screenplay of Shallow Grave and copy pasted.

After Earth (2013)

Sorry Jayden but mommy and daddy can't buy your success.

[11 May 2021]

What a terrible legacy Will Smith has wrought. Long has it been since he was a charismatic down to earth star who was kept humble from his Grandmother's influence. Now he and his wife are nothing more than egotistic narcissists that have spawned worse version of themselves. Talent less spoiled rich kids. This movie was nothing more than a nepotistic attempt to buy a career for that pathetic spawn, Jaden Smith. This movie is a terrible waste of money, a terrible waste of time.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

A film about fighting should get that right...

[24 April 2021]

... but it doesn't.

The fight choreography is TERRIBLE and even worse, so slow. So very slow and clumsy.

It should be an adrenaline rush. It not even a sugar rush. Hope they don't make all the money back in the Asian market then we won't be subjected to another one of these.

The Unwonted Sasquatch (2016)

Very sad

[28 March 2021]

To say this is an amateur production is an exaggeration. Production wise it rife with low quality poorly lit and framed shots, terrible titles with paragraphs of text left on screen, tiny stock photos pulled from god knows where. Content wise it centers around perhaps 3 interviews of questionable sources of a laughable topic. Would think it was a parody if it didn't take it self so pathetically seriously. If this was crowdsourced those people need their money back. A cruel review but this production is without merit.

Assassination Nation (2018)

Eyerolls, booty shorts and yawning

[23 February 2021]

You know the characters of the 'attractive' girls who think everyone cares what they think and that everyone wants them? Well this whole movie predisposes that the main characters are interesting or attractive enough to wait 50 minutes for a plot to appear. Boring. Infantile. Shallow without irony or humor.

Who cares? I sure as hell don't .

Greenland (2020)

Should be called, "Entited Americans waste everyones lives and time"

[10 February 2021]

What a sloppy piece of worn out trash. You've seen this movie before. Trust me. Oncoming apocalypse. CHECK. Couple having serious relationship issues. CHECK. Child with serious health issues. CHECK. I could go on endlessly.

I kept thinking the whole film, "Why would the writer or director think we would give a crap about this family?!" The world is ending but let's all look around for your missing wife and kid. Sorry hun, your offspring is defective and we can't waste precious time and resources keeping him alive when the future of the human race is as stake. Off you go now. I know you are pretty and were on Firefly but sorry miss. Now get her out of here.

So you forgot your kids meds? You can't find your wife and kid in the middle of a unholy cluster-frik? Oh well. Sit the hell down thank your lucky stars you are in the tiny minority that has chance of surviving. Can we stop the loading process evacuation because you want to get off? How about we shoot you in the face if you don't sit back down, sir.

FUN FACT: Every single person who died on that airfield is on the main characters back. If he just sat down they would have been long gone.

Lastly, panicked masses don't just stand behind the barrier like they are cheering at an AC/DC concert. AND they certainly DO NOT run past an open plane that is being loaded.

Only good takeaway for me is that I can rest well knowing that stupid kid will run out of insulin.

Tenet (2020)

Red Dwarf did this better 30+ years ago

[6 January 2021]

Christopher Nolan clearly was the type of kid who covered up a lousy project with a lot of glitter. An art school student who forgot to do the assignment so he hot glued his toothbrush to a tampon box 5 minutes before class then subjects everyone to a two hour diatribe on the injustice of apples. This guy's narcissism and ego is unmatched, and his only success is by those who pretend to like his films to make themselves feel smarter.

Justice League Action (2016–2018)

Weak Sauce

[4 December 2020]

After the likes of Justice League Unlimited and Young Justice this show is pitiful. I know it's aimed at younger audiences but it's a poor watered down copy of the exceptional series that came before. I really don't get the high praise. It's watered down pablum without depth or substance. Highly recommend following the #JLReunion hashtag and fight for a return to the quality of Unlimited.

Alone (II) (2020)

One star is too generous.

[9 May 2020]

Why would anyone waste money making this? Curious if the director has a rich dad or something because they need to tell him to just go back to making coffee. This was terrible. Not the fun kind of terrible like the room, this is the kind of terrible where those involved think they are making a masterpiece. It is offensively stupid. The forced ambiguity is horrendous.

Best part of the film was the low budget Nick Cage, and the lower budget Macaulay Culkin. In the past I've enjoyed the 'unlikable teens to the slaughter' trope. But in this case I really just wanted it to be everyone involved in this dreadful thing.

Planet of the Humans (2019)

Meandering, boring, with no point or direction.

[29 April 2020]

This is terrible. If you want to watch stock footage narrated by a old man on quaaludes, this is your film.This is NOT a Michael Moore film. Just terrible Did I mention it is terrible?

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019)

Kevin. I love you. STOP MAKING MOVIES NOW.

[10 December 2019]

Clerks 2 was brilliant. Everything after that has been one terrible film worse than the last. Please stop. You are destroying your own legacy with these outings. Love you man. Now rest and do something else. Please.

Harley Quinn (2019– )

OH I see what you did there.

[1 December 2019]

What a lazy, boring premise. Clearly the idea is to take the same old stories and add in excessive violence, excessive swearing and adult themes and think you've made something interesting. It is not. Gore and crassness doesn't help if the writing is this weak. The novelty wore off about 3 minutes in.

Ellipse (2019)

The whole film can be summed up with one statement.

[7 November 2019]

Over ripe mangos on embarrassingly visible strings.

3 from Hell (2019)

Digital bullets.

[15 October 2019]

Flaws that lead to the inevitable point:

Digital bullets. Bay got old. Real old. And goofy. Not sexy goofy but silly. Sid Haig was absent. They never should have considered this movie without him. His replacement was nothing They added a clown. Most likely so they could make it seem that Sid was in the film. But wasn't A complete rehash of the same thing that happened in the last movie but worse, no stakes. The second film ended and I was rooting for them. Even after all they did. In this film I spent the entire film begging for someone to just kill them already. Pointless time jumping editing. Bulletproof characters. Slaughter everyone. But never shoot the 3. Boring Teflon. terrible. Digital bullets.

Electra Woman and Dyna Girl (2016)

Painfully terrible.

[6 October 2019]

So boring. So very boring. Nothing new. Endless unfunny banter that just drones on and on. The two main actors have zero personality. Terrible camera work. Just terrible.

Showtime (2002)

Worth another watch

[1 September 2019]

Never seen this film till now, but this film is a solid buddy cop movie. There are so many hidden jokes in the same vein as films like Hot Fuzz. Eddie and Robert actually have chemistry and the film has tension even if it fell under the 'reality TV' trope of the early 200s like Truman show and others.

This is just as good as early Beverly Hill cop films. I rarely say it but I actually loved this film.

Men in Black: International (2019)

Should have been called Men in Black : Phone it in.

[24 August 2019]

Love the MIB property, but what a waste of time. Thor and Valkyrie ... whoops ...I mean Agent M & H, like it matters. They act little to no differently than their previous roles. The plot was lazy, it had none of the heart that the original film had. I swear they had a buddy copy film script and put a MIB skin over it. This could have been anything. NO stakes, no personality and piss poor fan service. Clearly it was nothing more than a contract to be filled and a cash grab. Worst of the bunch and that says something after MIB 3. Ignore or steal from online.

Ax 'Em (1992)

This might become a sleeper hit.

[18 June 2019]

David Turner from The Cosmonaut Variety Hour's episode, 'The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made', brought me here. That is all I can say as I needed to know this film existed, which is does.

Greta (2018)

Such high hopes, such low results

[24 May 2019]

This film summed up in one word. Idiotic.

None of the characters were believable, motivations, responses. Crazy lady stalks young girl. Sure. Crazy lady crosses line, young girl goes to cops, cops useless Sure, fine.

Crazy lady goes bezerk in restaurant, gets committed. Young girl decides, hey why not go find her and make things worse? Idiotic.

She's in her 20s and in phenomenal shape. NO doubt she can beat up her stalker. Does she? Nope. Idiotic.

This movie does nothing new. NOTHING. Avoid.

The Flash (2014–2023)

Please keep killing characters off

[18 May 2019]

I had such high hopes for Flash, my favourite all time hear , reduced to an incompetent whiner who changes his core character traits every episode based on the plot of the week. Book-ended with two of the WORST actors I've come across playing two of the worse characters in kind. First being Candice Patton who we've suffered through 5 seasons of blandness. ONLY for them to hire an even worse but appropriately portrayed offspring by the actor , Jessica Parker Kennedy. My level of hatred of these two soap opera level muppets is unending.

The last episode of season 5 surrounds the dramatic and supposed heroic demise of Nora Flash which left me cheering for a painful death. How does anyone feel anything for these characters? Now if we can only kill off Iris we might have a slight improvement in season 6.

Terrible writing of women in general. and don't get me started with the dough-head mind-reader married to the sedated guy from Law and Order.

Sparks (I) (2013)

Gee Wiz

[7 May 2019]

I've seen stage plays in church basements more interesting than this. Terrible just terrible. Bad acting, poor narration. below fan fiction costuming and dreadful camera work. Don't bother.