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mike_nightingale
Reviews
Andromeda (2022)
Compulsory veiwing...
Compulsory viewing for film students! So that they can see how not to make a movie. I feel sorry for whoever made this, but they should really watch a few more movies before making their own, and you know, take some notes? To be fair, I could not watch more than the first 15 minutes of this, and hey, perhaps it morphed into the best movie ever made! But I will never know because 15 mins was more than I could stomach.
From what I saw they probably made every mistake possible, because lord knows I saw enough in that 15 minutes. They took the sage advice "Show don't tell" and made it a bad thing, by telling (a voiceover) and showing visuals of what the voiceover was describing. And I could go on, but I will leave it there. If you have not seen it, leave it there too!
Thirst (2015)
A fun monster movie
It's an unpretentious movie and delivers what it set out to achieve. I think they set out to make the kind of B movie from the 1980s. Sure it's rather silly, but fun, if you like this sort of thing. At no time did I want to watch something else instead. Is it a perfect movie? I don't think so, but I give it a 6/10.
Huo xing yi bian (2021)
I loved it!
It has a very 1950's sci-fi movie vibe (In a good way) but with excellent 2021 Sfx.
The Martian landscapes look particularly accurate - Not that I have personally been on Mars, of course! But they look very convincing.
Not to be taken as a "Future history" (At least, I hope not!)
It's a lot of fun!
Intersect (2020)
Oustanding performance from Dr Richard Dawkins!
...Which is the ONLY reason to watch this disappointing wallpaper of a movie!
I can only imagine that he just provided audio clips for his role as the voice of the computer system, little realising that his part would be the outstanding performance of the whole movie.
Without being disrespectful of the good professor, I have to say that this elevated position in the cast is almost entirely due to the rest of the cast, they being either entirely wooden or entirely "Over the top" in their emotional performances, while Dr Dawkins, calm measured voice reminds us that the rest of the cast are either engaging in "Recreational substances" or coming down from using them!
It is my habit to continue watching bad movies until they end, so as to present a rounded view of what was presented. In this case, I lasted one hour into the dreadfully slow progress of the script. At that point, I felt like it had been several hours! I, therefore, took the unusual step (For me) in abandoning the mission. So I'll never find out what happened to the characters.
And, the key point is, I didn't care about any of them*!
* Well I hope the computer survived! 🙂
The Adventures of a Plumber in Outer Space (2009)
Cheap sets, cheap laughs, eh, don't bother!
Amazing that this ever got made, it makes the worst student films look like masterpieces!
I suppose it is intended to be a "Tribute" to "Raunchy" 70's movies, but, it's even worse!
Alien Outbreak (2020)
Entertaining B movie
This is a nice little discovery, an indie B movie that is better than most - don't expect too much though - but I was expecting to watch only 10 minutes or so, but watched to the end. There is plenty to gripe about but considering it is probably a zero budget film, I think they did quite well.
The effects are quite good - Certainly better than I expected - and it does have a story! The acting isn't going to win any Oscars, but for the most part, is serviceable.
For the Americans, you might get a kick from the "Quaint" English accents (West country.)
Worth a look...
Crossbreed (2019)
This needs negative stars!
3 mins in... oh dear, worse than the trailer so far!
7:30 Acting: none yet...
10:00: I think they are going for the cliché world record!
16:00 Naked hooker robot. ✔
20:00 "Old comrades meet and bond" ✔
23:04 "This is a simple mission" ✔
24:00 "Clean and by the book!" ✔
26:00 "Hesitation can get you killed!" ✔
29:00 "This is not what we signed up for!" ✔
35:00 Argh! I can't take it no more! That trailer is the best of this...dreck!
If you can believe the inside of a ship's engine room is a space ship, and you can't tell good from bad acting, plus you've never seen a science fiction or action movie, this might be for you.
Eat Locals (2017)
Should have been so much better!
NB, I'm awarding this movie 4 for the inclusion of so many really good actors, actors who as an ensemble cast should have had better parts written for them. My - complete supposition - is that as the director, Jason Fleming, is a well known actor, there was some measure of doing a pal a favour in getting this cast together. Try as it might to get going, this movie, has an identity problem. Is it a comedy? Is it horror? Is it a pastiche of "Famous" movie scenes stuck together?
It may have been trying for all three (And perhaps I missed a few other tropes.)
Sadly the result misses out on everything. The premise is basically sound - British vampires meet up to discuss new "Membership" - but from there on, story, characterisation, and humour often falls flat. Dexter Fletcher, mostly shines with his comedic efforts, but that just shines a spotlight on the paucity of the writing for the rest of the cast.
Probably best observed with friends, playing a drinking game - take a shot every time you say "Oh dear!" to yourself - on the other hand, perhaps not, I wouldn't want to encourage irresponsible drinking!