Nick1000 Reviews

Coherence (2013)

Some counterbalance

[1/10 · 15 November 2022]

I'll start with a confession. I haven't watched the whole film. I hated every character within minutes of being inroduced to them. Their behaviour swung wildly between acting almost as if nothing had happened and terror. The science was at the level that only people who did liberal arts or drama at college could consider reasonable, I've seen '50s B movies that were more credible.

I can only assume that the characters hated themselves as much as I hated them because why else would anyone be so terrified of copies of themselves?

I left the room half way through. Apparently there is a twist at the end but the problem is, I just don't care.

All the Old Knives (2022)

Doesn't make sense

[7/10 · 12 April 2022]

I found this worth watching even though it makes no sense - 1) Henry was poisoned BEFORE he confessed making the whole charade pointless.

2) Vick sent Henry to interview Bill whilst suspecting that Henry was guilty. This would have given Henry every incentive to kill Bill and pin it on him and so it makes no sense.

3) The fact that Henry had a hitman ready to kill Celia makes no sense given what he had already done to protect her and means that his most logical move would be to kill Bill and claim that he had confessed (see 2)

Slow Horses (2022– )

True to the books

[8/10 · 8 April 2022]

Ignore most of the reviews here; either they didn't actually watch it long enough to understand what was going on or they were not bright enough.

If you liked the books you'll probably enjoy it even though the characters were not quite as I imagined them.

This is not a series to watch if you want a lot of action (The first episode may be misleading).

This is not a series to watch if you want a handsome hero to ride of into the sunset with the girl (swap genders to whatever rocks your boat).

This is a series to watch if you want geat characters and story.

Finch (2021)

Ethically questionable

[5/10 · 4 April 2022]

Maybe okay if you view it with ethical sophistication of a child but otherwise not much to recommend it.

This movie only exists because the robot, Jeff, is effectively human. So effectively Tom Hanks created a thinking, feeling being, for the sole purpose of having it care for his dog in a post-apocalyptic world and knowing that the dog would die and leave Jeff all alone. The Selfish B****!

Copshop (2021)

Good start. Shame about the finale

[3/10 · 29 January 2022]

Where was the script writing here? It could have been an entertaining B-movie but the finale was so ridiculous that I felt I had been conned out of my time.

The actors are let down by a terrible script.

Chronofilm (2020– )

Why?

[2/10 · 23 October 2021]

My rule of thumb is that you can have one break with reality - be it space travel, magic or improbable characters - This fails in that it combines time travel with completely irrational behaviour of the characters - What this means in practice is that there is nothing to believe in a and nobody to care about.

Couldn't think of a good reason to watch episode 2.

Infinite (2021)

The opening was so bad I switched off

[2/10 · 3 October 2021]

The movie starts with a car chase action sequence that is so unoriginal and even boring(!) that I switched off. It's the sort of thing I'd expect of a movie with Z list stars.

Passengers (I) (2016)

Good looks wil conquer all (reason).

[2/10 · 23 August 2021]

Man spys on woman sleeping, cyber stalks her and essentially kidnaps her and condemns her to live alone with him forever because "he loves her". Obviously evil and requiring an ugly creepy guy to be cast? But; It's Chrsi Pratt therefore he must be a good guy. Somehow. So he redeems himself by risking his life to save everyone which is not very brave when you realise that (a) The alternative was to die anyway and (b) He doesn't actually die.

And she falls in love with him (Stockholm syndorme anyone?) And they live happily ever after.

Alone.

For the rest of their lives.

There is one thing that makes me wonder whether the writers were aware of all this and were having a laugh at the viewers shallowness is that the bar and barman bear an uncanny resemblance to that in The Shining.

...and don't get me started on questions of why a spaceship designed to take passengers from A to B in over 100 years, in hybernation would bother with all the expense of a cruise liner just for the last 4 months.

Blood Red Sky (2021)

Not great but worth watching.

[7/10 · 7 August 2021]

There's much to ridicule in this film but it is redeemed by the acting of Peri Baumeister trying to battle her inner monster whilst protecting her son.

Not "Let the right one in" but I enjoyed it.

Love and Monsters (2020)

Enjoyable lightweight

[7/10 · 25 April 2021]

Ignoring the explanation for the apocalypse, which would only make sense to people who think that vaccines contain microchips to control us, this is an enjoyable, well made, well acted, feel good way to spend your evening. It wont make your top ten or win any awards but you wont regret watching it.

Stranger (2017–2020)

Would get a better rating if subtitled better

[7/10 · 16 September 2020]

I gave this a chance after seeing the rating and because Doona Bae was the best part of Sense8. It is entertaining, at least in part, due to the insight into Korean culture and deference to authority as seen in the interactions between ranks and in particular the news conferences which would have the presenter laughed off the podium in most western countries.

The BIG problem with this series is the subtitling - Sometimes you have just microseconds to read before it's gone.

Knocked Up (2007)

Sorry but it just isn't funny

[2/10 · 30 January 2008]

The characters are like able enough and .............. errr...... That's it! The characters are like able enough but it just isn't funny. Don't just take my word for it - I watched it with my girlfriend on DVD and after 40 minutes without so much as a single snicker between us we both decided that we would couldn't be bothered to finish it. Which puts it into a category with only three or four other movies that I have ever seen.

Breakdown: The slobbish guys: Not funny. They are not nearly bad enough. Compared to any other High School/Varsity comedy movie they are just not gross enough. If you had a daughter you'd be thinking that they're nice boys who just need a woman to lay down the law a bit to make them into respectable adults.

The baby thing: I presume this is for the girls since I've never yet met a guy (even one with kids) who thinks gynecology is funny and I think most girls would see it as a no-brainer to just get it terminated at 8 weeks. Unfortunately my girlfriend ddin't find it funny either.

I've given it 2 stars only because it isn't actually bad as such so I can imagine that some women (who I don't know) might like it a bit.

Enchanted (2007)

Amy Adams hides the flaws

[6/10 · 13 January 2008]

Firstly let me be clear that I'm not a kid and I didn't watch this movie with kids so, although I personally found the movie too flawed to give more than a 6, my comments are really only relevant for adult viewers.

Whilst watching I mostly enjoyed it apart from the huge inconsistencies in its message about "one true love". Of course I don't expect serious philosophy in a children's film but you wouldn't have to be the brightest kid in the world to get a vague feeling that something doesn't quite add up. The other weak point was the rather poor scripting for the villain: Traditionally the villain is one of the strong points of a Disney cartoon but the wicked step mother's ideas for how to get rid of Giselle are so feeble they carry no menace whatsoever.

The more I think about this film afterwards the more I see it as a perfect performance by Amy Adams covering up a third rate script. The scene where the "real" animals clean the apartment was also very good but with hindsight it just seems as though it was bolted on.

30 Days of Night (2007)

30 days of night in which nothing much happens for 27 of them!

[4/10 · 4 November 2007]

The title is completely irrelevant: Yes there the film covers 30 days but action only happens in about 3 of them. Almost everyone is killed in feeding frenzy on the first night, then its day 7 then day 14? then day 27 and presumably, finally 30 (They don't put text up for that but it's implied because the the sun is rising). There is no sense of time passing. On each day when something happens the action is kicked off by someone saying that they have to move on despite there being no obvious reason to do so other than to put themselves in danger and when they do move they always walk slowly down the middle of an unlit street that is brighter than mine is with a full moon and all the street lighting on! Having said all that, The characters are OK and it was kind of enjoyable in a Sunday afternoon TV kind of way.

The Closer (2005–2012)

Its the cast stupid!

[9/10 · 10 June 2007]

There are those who moan about her accent. There are those who moan about her bitchiness. There are those who moan about the unrealistic police methods. There are apparently even people who are misguided enough to compare "the Closer" to "Columbo" (???) Personally I haven't got a problem with any of the former issues and the comparison with "Columbo" is just silly: What makes The Closer popular is the large cast of interesting and LIKE ABLE characters. Like all god cop shows the police work is largely nothing more than a reason to have some interesting characters hang out together; The way by which they catch the criminals is just the icing on the cake - In fact you might just as well compare it to Friends or Cheers as to Columbo - Don't get me wrong I'm a big Columbo fan but Columbo is such a loner that the references to the ever unseen Mrs Columbo are almost an in joke. The closest cop show for me would probably be "NYPD Blue" - another great cast of characters but a bit more gritty.

If proof were needed, I just watched the season 2 "big finale" where she has to deal with the CIA and a nuclear terrorist threat - It just left me wondering why the writers came up with such an improbable story line when I suspect that most fans would be just as happy watching the team track down a shoplifter provided only that we got some good lines and a warm feeling at the end.

Looking forward to season 3 - The writers had better be careful with their character balancing because Provenza and Flyn are starting to steal the show!

Hot Fuzz (2007)

Better than Shaun of the Dead

[10/10 · 25 March 2007]

I wasn't expecting too much from this film which is why it's taken me this long to get to see it - I thought Shaun of the Dead was good but not great and I was expecting more of the same.

What a great surprise! After a slightly slow, scene setting, start the jokes just kept coming in a steady flow that kept a smile on my face throughout the entire film that was broken only by several moments of outright belly laughter and a few cringes at some gratuitously icky murders. IMHO what makes a great comedy is not a few great jokes but a sustained momentum as achieved in this film.

Towards the end you start suspecting the usual, rather anticlimactic sort of ending; But NO! Suddenly the film lurches into a new gear and your rushed through a roller-coaster ride of action that keeps you engrossed until the closing credits and everyone walks out arguing over which was the best bit.

For me the gag the got the biggest laugh was Frost's notebook - Typically for the film it just wouldn't be very funny describing it but the timing and presentation were perfect.

What I can't understand is why Pegg gets all the credit when Frost is the real funny-man.

Can't wait for the next one.

Crank (2006)

Surprisingly Enjoyable

[8/10 · 3 September 2006]

Okay it's just another no-brainer action movie and you'll have forgotten anything of the plot by the time you walk out the door but finally this year we have an action movie that actually delivers.

There's not much to be gained from analyzing exactly what it is that it delivers but I was totally riveted throughout and left the cinema high on adrenaline and I haven't been able to say that about any film since "Sin City".

The pacing is perfect. Even the length of the film is perfect. At no point does the tension ease off.

The transporter films were only OK but this is great. Would I see it again? Probably not - it's not that sort of film. Did I get a great evening out? Definitely.

Regarding the rating - I found it pretty inoffensive. I can only assume that it got an 18 because of the language which is crazy because it is no worse than any 15 year old hears in the school playground every day. I found it particularly odd given that the last film I saw was "Severance" which only got a 15 even though it is much more gruesome and morally reprehensible.

V for Vendetta (2005)

Thought provoking! - But I don't mean the plot or the dialogue

[2/10 · 18 March 2006]

The most thought provoking thing about this film is reading the reviews.

The film itself was utter drivel. I had read the reviews before going and thought to myself, "I can't go wrong picking this one". It was supposed to have everything that I would want to see in a movie. What a mistake! The action is incidental and third rate. Anyone expecting Matrix type stuff should be sorely disappointed and yet some reviewers praise it.

The acting, with the exception of Weaving and Hurt, was risible. I would particularly single out Natalie Portman as lacking all credibility. It sounded like she had had classes in "how to speak and comport yourself whilst being tortured" whilst at her finishing school. And yet many reviewers praise it!

I have not read the graphic novel. I can believe that the characters and setting might work in that format but on film I would have thought that the portrayal of London and Londoners was part of some sort of B-movie comedy spoof - they seem to have been lifted largely from somewhere between 1950 and 1975 with the LCD TV's sticking out as an anachronistic error rather than being the near future (If you put a child in thick black NHS glasses now you would be reported to the social services for mental cruelty). The initial encounter with V is even worse, being clearly inspired by Jack the Ripper movies. The police station was from the 1970s. As for the dialogue, it is not the fact that they keep saying "bollocks" that is the problem, it is the way that they say it - It's like they asked the queen to do a rap record and say "muthafucka" - it has no conviction or credibility.

I haven't said much about the political message and that is because, despite the reviews, there isn't really much of a message there when you look closely, or at lest nothing worthy of serious reflection. Anyone who thinks that it has anything to do with the present day hasn't watched it. The chancellor is clearly Adolf Hitler not George Bush and certainly not Tony Blair - everyone knows that having an ugly guy shout at people doesn't work anymore - modern politics requires good hair and nice teeth (cabinet members excepted) and that the state is taking over in a much more insidious way than the crude scare mongering of Nazi Germany and V for Vendetta. If you find this thought provoking you are feeble minded! This really scares me because I am genuinely afraid that, if feeble dialogue like this can provoke such thoughts then someone more eloquent could actually incite an anarchist rebellion.

Finally, Guy Fawkes didn't try to blow up parliament because he was a republican nor because the people in general were being oppressed - he tried to blow it up because he was a catholic. True, the suppression of the catholics was bad but it was of a completely different character to V for Vendetta which is more like the general repression of 1984 or the old Soviet Union.

Fantastic Four (I) (2005)

Probably as much as we could realistically hope for

[7/10 · 25 July 2005]

Firstly I don't understand some comments saying that it could have done with more action. These days it is the kiss of death to be just another CGI movie as there really is nothing new to see anymore.

The characters were all pretty true to the comics apart from Reed Richards who, although dedicated to his work, was never a geek. Doom was also a bit weak (character wise) for me.

Linking up Alicia Masters and the Thing was one of the worst bits - A blind babe hits it off with a big orange lumpy guy within 2 seconds of meeting him and then at the end he says he's fine staying as he is! He's either more blind than she is or else he's gay.

One thing that I miss from the comics is the ludicrously huge 'mad scientist' laboratories of both Doom and Richards where a the average piece of equipment was the size of a small building and looked like it could blow up a planet or two.

Overall I enjoyed it right up until the final battle with Doom which had no element of suspense whatsoever.