loegend Reviews

Entourage: Dominated (2006) Season 3, Episode 3

What is this?

[1/10 · 3 August 2006]

This episode is by far the all-time creative lowpoint in HBO programming. Entourage has always been a bit hit and miss. There is only intermittent wit to wade through most of time, and the few compelling plot developments the second season built up to have been replaced with...Dom. Crap, annoying stock characters that are dismissed two episodes later are not the most compelling way to develop a season, people. Ari's daughter's love life? Eric has a 3some? Sadly, this hasn't changed 4 episodes later, but none have been as bad as this turd. Put down the bong and make your show compelling again, writers, your wasting time to really skewer Hollywood.

Margaret Cho: Assassin (2005 TV Special)

By far the Gayest stand-up I've ever seen..but does that make it funny?

[2/10 · 17 September 2005]

I respect Margaret Cho even though I can't say I'm that familiar with her stand-up films. I had caught "I'm the one that I want" on cable with my boyfriend of the time (yea, I'm a guy) and had found it pretty entertaining with her reflections on her life, failed TV show, self-image and yes, the gay men in her life that "like @ss". I may be wrong, but it seems in the time from "I'm the one..." and "Assassin" Cho has become far too clued into the kind of jokes her very gay or gay-friendly audience probably wants to hear and seems to only focus on rather easy shots on the queeny men in her life, bullish lesbians, and the Bush administration. It wouldn't be a problem if the jokes were particularly witty or the political observations thought-provoking, but neither is usually the case and Cho herself comes off as sounding juvenile with frequent interjections of "like" during her heavy-handed tirades and reiterative stereotypical imitations. Cho adds to the disappointment with a rather smug and self-congratulatory attitude for material she obviously thinks of as "dangerous" when I found it a bit monotonous. Sorry Margaret, there's nothing "dangerous" or risky when you preach to the converted. I must interject (for I know Cho fans and defenders will assume otherwise) I am in no way Republican, Conservative, STRAIGHT, or pro-life. I am also not a femmy, Ryan Seacrest-clone, Judy Garland fan like Margaret Cho seems to assume most gay men are...am I alone in wanting something a bit more intelligent and less stereotypical pandering in my "gay" entertainment?

Red Rings of Fear (1978)

Muted.

[6/10 · 22 April 2005]

Far from terrible, but also far from terribly exciting, this Giallo should have had much more bite as its predecessors in the "school girl trilogy", Massimo Dallamo's "Cosa Avente Solange" and "La Polizia chiede aiuto". Blame must go to Alberto Negrin's tame direction and Testi's slow-moving "investigation" that severely dulls the sparse suspense. The are fair scenes where Negrin displays some flair in the film, but it is not difficult to spot the Argento influence, particularly "Cat O' Nine Tails." Apparently Negrin mostly helmed television before "Rosso" which might explain his limited palette. Dallamo's painterly hand is severely missed, but a few intriguing ideas such as the slutty trio of girls "the Insperables" and a hilariously improbable killer make "Enigma Rosso" worth watching at least once if you can find it.

The Tough Ones (1976)

Scorching

[10/10 · 10 January 2005]

Recently I had the pleasure of watching both the Italian "Roma a Mano Armata" and the US cut "Assault with a Deadly Weapon." Lenzi's reputation as a filmmaker rests mainly on his Crime films from the mid-to-late '70s for good reason and this is an addictive and fast-paced brilliant piece of that work. Maurizio Merli is great as the quietly intense Leonardo Tanzi and deserves much more credit than the "Franco Nero wannabe" usually leveled at him. The US cut is missing the first 8 minutes of Merli's failed bust of an illegal gambling ring (at least that's what I gleaned from the lack of subtitles) and sets up his frustration of being under the law himself while desperately trying to rid the world of those who break it. Even with a different credit sequence that oddly doesn't actually credit anyone but actor Arthur Kennedy (as the director!), the US cut (available on VHS in the '80s as part of Sybil Danning's Adventure Video series with a bizarre introduction by Ms. Danning herself) is still highly highly recommended. Hopefully this will be available on DVD for more people to discover these series of films, which can easily appeal to the same fans of Italian horror and Eurocult cinema.

Night School (1981)

I just knew that girl's head would end up in the aquarium

[18 October 2004]

Let's get this straight, this is not a horror movie. It's more like a slasher-inspired episode of Remington Steele, or some much worse early '80s suspense/mystery/drama series stretched out for 30 more minutes. Still, this does not a slasher make. Most of the violence occurs off-screen despite the promising presentation of the killer (uber '80s black motorcycle get-up, weird knife) and the red herrings don't do much to distract from the obvious. The police investigator I'm assuming is supposed to be the protagonist is so bland I forgot who he was by the end of the movie, and even a promising spark of lesbianism is quickly squelched. Impressive only in that this film renders decapitation positively mundane, it also features lovely Rachel Ward's tribal mudsmearing shower scene as one of the most laughably unerotic moments in film history. Not as boring or deplorable as some would have you think, but surely not recommended either.

Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror (1981)

Peter Bark fans unite and take over...

[17 October 2004]

What were you expecting? Those four words come to mind after reading some shocked comments on here about how terrible this film was. Of course it is!

Italian horror no doubt gives the majority of those reared on Western film norms a case of cinematic leprosy, but I for one am a much better person as a whole for it. Bad dubbing - check. Terrible red paint as blood - check. Cheap analog synth score - hell yes. Bizarre zombie incest - bonus. I must remind everyone how hard it is to make a truly GOOD bad movie. This film maybe cheap, but baby is it entertaining. Its inspired ineptitude at copping Romero and Fulci is engrossing, but the genuine unpretentiousness at its rotting heart is something else. And then, there's Peter Bark, the Dario Argento Mini-me. His unprecedented cinematic presence make me fan myself for fear of passing out with sheer delight. Believe me, I'd take Bianchi's flick over bad bad movies like HELP ME...I'M POSSESSED! (damn, that was boring) or bad good movies like LOST IN TRANSLATION (damn, that was REALLY boring) any day. Lifeless and dull horror movies are far too common from this era, even more so today with hacks like Eli Roth and Ehren Krueger churning out the tepid crap labeled as "horror" these days, but the bizarre charm of the sum of "Burial Ground"'s cheap papier-mache parts is endearing and commendable at the very least.

Notting Hill (1999)

Kill me now

[17 October 2004]

Recently I was forced to watch this and I am still working out the damage. If there were only two choices left in life, a coma or "Notting Hill", I'd be off to sleep in no time. Sign me up as Mr. Negativity, but Christ how more cliché and unbelievable can you get? There was no chemistry between Grant and Roberts, and absolutely no depth to their characters outside of the "bumbling cutesy guy" act of Grant and Roberts' terminal bitchmode. There is a reason films like this are defined as "romantic comedy"- because they are an absolute joke! I hope Grant is someday brought to justice for his crimes against humanity for starring in and propagating these sad opiates of the masses that clog the artery of cinema today.