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chokeondis
Reviews
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)
I must have wandered into the wrong movie
After seeing the exorbitant amount of praise for this movie I dragged my girlfriend, who was rightly skeptical, out to see it. In the first 10 minutes I knew I had made a mistake. 30 minutes through I was starting to sweat as my girlfriend yawned and her eyes began hanging low. By the first hour I knew it wasn't going to get any better and I had just wasted $20.
I wasn't even so upset about losing the $20 as I was about being fooled by the insane amount of praise all over the internet and on TV for this piece of crap movie. What the heck did you all see that I didn't? It was a movie with unexplained crap going on throughout the whole thing, a bunch of repetitions of the same scene, and a bizarre ending that made zero sense.
I wish I knew what the rest of you were smoking so I could give it 10 stars too.
Prometheus (2012)
I want my money back
I have nothing more to add to the hundred or so other reviews saying how awful this was other than to say that I want my money back. This was terrible and everyone in this movie should feel bad. From the very start I noticed some holes in the plot which is never a good sign, though some movies are able to move away from that and continue on to be at least decent. This not one of those movies. The holes pile up so high that by the end of the movie you realize you really have no idea why anyone did anything they did, nor why anyone would spend hundreds of millions of dollars making such a piece of crap film. My girlfriend fell asleep in the first 15 minutes and when she woke up at the end she asked what happened and I honestly couldn't explain any of it because I didn't know myself. Some people are on a ship, and I swear somewhere in there they say they flew 500 million miles from Earth, which doesn't even get them out of our solar system, much less into another. The head slaps never stop with this film. Kudos to anyone who likes it. They're obviously able to turn their brains off a little easier than the rest of us.
Nine Dead (2009)
There was some effort...
Sadly it was misguided. This movie stunk from start to finish. It was hard to watch because I used to watch Clarissa Explains It All every day on Nickelodeon. I LOVED her. Then the next thing I found she did a spread in Maxim and she was gorgeous! I haven't really heard anything about her until I watched this movie on accident. I couldn't believe she would even let something like this be seen with her name all over it. Everything about it was wrong but it still looked like someone somewhere in the team was trying really really hard to save a sunk ship. Too bad.. I hope she continues to act and I would love to see her with a real cast in a real movie.
Æon Flux (2005)
Quick cuts, explosions, half naked Charlize Theron
I should have marked this as a spoiler just from the summary. If you expected anything more from this movie I just ruined it for you. If you've ever seen A Day Without a Mexican and thought it cunning and thought provoking, this is your type of movie.
There were so many failures on so many levels I honestly don't know where to begin. There was no character development and thus no emotion which results in nothing to keep you watching unless you want to see what type of outfit Charlize will be wearing in the next 500 3 second cuts.
Maybe I'm alone in that I like a movie where I at least know WHERE things are taking place, how they are happening, who these people are that they're happening to, and above all why things are blowing up and people are dying, but then again maybe not.
I really see no reason why anyone would want to watch this movie unless you've got some obsession with one of the actors in the movie and you really don't care about anything else.