tosinner Reviews

The Apocalypse (2007 Video)

Oh dear god

[1/10 · 17 September 2007]

What can I possibly say in its defence.

Um. Well, the first 5 minutes almost showed promise.

I think that's about it.

Now that I've had a fair shot at being NICE about it.... I'll fill in the blanks. It sucks. Even my mother (of 70) who is a DEVOUT believer found this to be insulting, unwatchable, and a waste of time. She turned it off before the end.

Me, I'm not that way inclined, and I thought it was utter crap too.

So, two people from very opposite sides couldn't stand it.

Anyhow, other than that... continuity... effects... sound editing... a finite number of monkeys (perhaps 10) randomly using typewriters and sticky back plastic WOULD have done better.

Watch this film if you're gonna die tomorrow.. it will make you feel pleased at the prospect.

My Name Is Earl (2005–2009)

A refreshing new show....

[12 January 2006]

Having liked things like quantum leap, in which the unflappable Dr Becket tries to put things right, and having detested Highway to heaven and the ilk, it's nice to see a "do gooder" who's not so good.

Earl, if you don't know, has been a thief, a bumb and a bully most of his life, and one day happens across the concept of Karma.

Having lost a lottery ticket cause all he's been is bad, he makes a list of the wrong things that he's done, and sets about putting them right. His beleif that he's on the right path is confirmed when he finds his lost lottery ticket whilst picking up trash.

He tries, and does, begin to make up for his past missdooings, even though hindered by the help his brother is providing, and not always by the easiest, saintliest methods.

It's very funny and very watchable. Just wish it was a little longer.

Watch and enjoy, but don't expect any saintly reverence!

Hyperdrive (2006–2007)

What a waste of time

[2/10 · 11 January 2006]

At first, having seen the advertisements for the show, I thought that perhaps it would be a red-dwarf type program, trying to build on the fame of that show, and build a reputation of it's own.

I've just watched the first episode.

Eeek, I need to pan fry my brain to sort this out.

The story is... missing. The plot looks like they have been participants in a realitity TV show, and been rejected. No one seems to be able to act; there is no suspense of belief, just lots of disbelive. It has more in common with "galloping galaxies" then a post-watershed piece of rubbish. It's appalling. Dark star, which employed some similar principles, was a lot better.

Some of the jokes are funny, some of the lines are well thought out, this has to be admitted, but the delivery is lacking in.. in.. everything - timing, performance and empathy.

It's bad.

Nostradamus (I) (2000)

Time travel lite

[8/10 · 25 December 2005]

A cop - investigating a series of strange deaths, teams up with a psychic, and delves into the world of time travelling monks from medieval France (and finds out a little about his own past, or is that future, along the way)

Smacking all the while of being a pilot episode for what could - perhaps - have developed into an interesting series, the film lacks a little polish. However, it's still quite watchable, and certainly killed a dull hour and a half.

Never going to be an all time great, but with demons, time travel, and spontaneous combustion, it's not all bad.

Catwoman (2004)

Not the worst film of all time

[1/10 · 12 December 2005]

...but close. The film was appalling. The camera cuts (I counted 60 in one one minute span) left yah kind of wondering what was going on! Was the film cobbled together from scraps from the floor? Seems that way.

What shocks me most is that some people gave it a ten vote. I don't know who these people were, but I have a number for a good shrink should they need it... which they must.

There's terrible continuity errors (like a lunch meeting taking place at midnight), and it's all just a horrible mess.

Plan nine from outer space is a gem of a film by comparison. I managed to watch all of that, not so this, my brain just couldn't bear it.

Rory O'Shea Was Here (2004)

A VERY good film.

[10/10 · 15 April 2005]

I knew nothing about this film until I watched it... my brother in fact suggested I take a look. Normally, his suggestions aren't much cop however, but I was stuck for something to watch so I watched it.

Well, to cut a long story short, I give it 10/10.

The film centers around two people, that meet whilst lodging at the same place. One is initially very dependant upon the institution around him, the other is a rebel. One does what he likes, the other as he's told.

From the first moments of the film we quickly see the friendship between the two building, and see how they rub off a little on each other. It's a remarkable piece of work, that manages to tell a good story without twist upon twist, people leaping out of bath tubs, or superheros coming to save the day.

There's a fair amount of grit and reality in there, not everything can ever go just right - not all gulfs can ever be spanned - and this film delightfully shows the lot.

If you watch this film, and are not impressed..... I'd suggest that you don't watch anything again.

Thunderbirds (2004)

My mom always told me....

[1/10 · 21 September 2004]

...that if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all.

Let's seen then, what was good:

The music was okay I suppose. The ships looked okay - nicely addapted from the TV show.

Erm... gosh.

Oh! It wasn't too long. Yes, that was a good point. Definitely.

Erm. Nope. Got nothing more.

Oh! I suppose one GOOD thing I should mention is the manager at the Appollo Cinema I saw it at. My friend walked out halfway through, and actually GOT HIS MONEY BACK! What a good manager that was!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

I voted for ten. Do you want to know why?

[10/10 · 11 August 2004]

Reminiscant of "Momento" but different, this is a very well made, well scripted and thought provoking film.

Okay, now that dross is out of the way, let me say why... and I'll try without spoilers... and GOD! That's gonna be hard.

This is a film that rates as many things... it's sci-fi, it's a love story, it's a little funny (although not as much as you'd expect from a film with Jim Carey in it.. although this IS one of his better roles). (BTW: If you're in the UK and watch Emerdale (I don't ... but mah siblings do) - look out for J.C.'s hair cut! LOL)

Anyhow. It's a very good look at the way we see things, and pick on faults, and at times arbitrarily decide the things that we think we would be better off not knowing.

There's innumerable films with some government or other being responsible for hiding the truth... but what if you've decided for yourself? Are you always in the right frame of mind to MAKE that decision for yourself? Would you let a child decide for itself what it thought was a reasonable risk? It's a bit of an eye opener.

Is short: It's a film about two people who may/may not be in love. They decide to erase the other from their mind... to "forget" it ever happened. And although we only see Careys side of the experience (a good think the way we see it pan out), we can assume that the other would have been along the same tracks.

It's not an action movie, and there's no lasers, no blatant SFX (They're there, but they are no, thank god, for once the center of attention in a sci fi flick) it's just a dammed good film that explores many aspects of how things come to be what they are.

There's a good layering of one story on top of another on top of another.. and it's a fantastic cry to the days when decent science fiction was more a study of how one advancement would influence PEOPLE, than how it's a study of how many ships can be fit into one frame all firing their guns at once!

If you like a bit of a mushy film... and you like a film that invokes deep thought, and a film that reminds you of what you may need to go through to be happy - without the need for once of a definitive hero... this is it.

Don't knock this one until you have seen it. And if you do see it and still don't like it.. hell! Watch it again with an open mind.

Lathe of Heaven (2002 TV Movie)

what dross

[1/10 · 10 May 2004]

The book and previous film aside.. this is just plain dreadful. It's slow, tired, wooden with nothing of real interest cropping up anywhere in the film. I'm sorry to say that I watched all of it - but I was in continual hope that there was going to be something better happen any second.

The premise seemed interesting, it's just a shame that what was such a good idea is closer to having nails pulled when watched. There's just no reason for anyone to feel anything for the characters, there's nothing there to give someone chance to identify with them. All in all it presents itself as a very sterile film, with each seprate scene seeming so forced as to jar the nerves. The hero of the piece, if you can call him that, just mopes around looking miserable and inefectual, and all in all it just bites.

There's no real reason for anyone to want the characters to succeed or fail.. and in general there's not a lot of interest in the whole film. There are no scenes that are just good to look at, no memorable pieces of dialouge or memerable characters... fairly pointless all around in fact.

Avoid.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

If you like your brain, don't punish it.

[1/10 · 8 May 2004]

This is perhaps one of the worst films I've seen for the amount of money spent on it. Hmm - in fact it IS one of the worst films I have seen, regardless of money. Okay - so SOME of it looks good but, sigh, that's about it. The script was poor and I don't think any of the actors really felt like even trying. There are some superb scenes with Murphy almost pleading that someone shoot him or his agent.

**Spoilers**

Did anyone else notice the happy jolly repetitive music that tried to add some dramatic effect to laclustre scenes? Terrible. The chase across the moon very much needed something, but it wasn't to assalt my ears in the process! (Hey! Why does the moons gravity only drop down OUTSIDE of the buildings and cars?)

Things to watch:

The scene when they work out that WW or MM is upside down. It's SOOOO poor. He must have been sweating at that for 2 seconds before she solves it and they have a parrrrrtay!

The lame twist. Oh look - he's up against his own clone. I TRIED pulling my nails at that point.

Please - for me - don't watch this film.

Edge of Darkness (1985)

Bob Peck's finest

[10/10 · 8 May 2004]

From a time when Bob Peck just would not get off of my telly (and rightly so!) a fantasticly dark and quirky tale that starts well, pieces together smartly (especialy the full version) and builds towards one fantastic ending.

To begin with we have a detective investigating what seems to be a simple attempted murder... and then, well, yah would have to watch it, but make sure you don't miss any. And beware of americans bringing gifts! ;-) There are few films that would rival such a plot around, and the series as a whole carefuly adds new information and intestest at a rate that will keep you guessing.