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Murder in the Woods (2017)
Beware of the reviews
At the moment this movie has 7 reviews. All of those 7 people have only reviewed this movie, and all of them have given it 10/10. Some of the usernames also bear resemblance to one another, and most of the accounts are brand new.
Make of that what you will. This isn't a 10/10 movie.
Game of Thrones: The Long Night (2019)
Game of Thrones was built up as a show for almost a decade. But it only took one episode to ruin it.
I'll try to keep this short and to the point.
You can't see what's going on for 70% of the episode. The effect stops being dramatic after 2 minutes and instead becomes annoying. It continues throughout the episode.
Characters are teleporting all over the place. Take Jorah for instance, who is safe inside the walls but suddenly is there to help Daenerys, far outside the walls, in the exact second she needs it.
Arya is Batman. Not only can she become invisible and/or teleport at will, but she'll also tremble in fear at the prospect of fighting a handful of cannonfodder wights, but minutes later dive into the Night King's face from seemingly nowhere. I found Arya's story arc to be the most entertaining, but it was all undone in this episode. She doesn't even make sense within the confines of her own character.
Plot armour, plot armour, plot armour. Sam, Brienne, Podrick, Jaime, Jon, Tyrion, Sansa, and probably several others I'm forgetting: They should all be dead. Sam literally had wights over and under himself, yet came out unscathed. Brienne, Jaime, and Pod were exhausted and surrounded by numbers not even ten two-handed Jaimes could defeat. Jon was literally encircled by wights after the Night King reanimated the fallen soldiers, yet in the next scene they're all conviently spread out for Daenerys to fly in and burn half of them.
Incredibly stupid decisions everywhere. Tyrion was right, he should've been out there because no one can possibly have seen a battle before. I'll split this up into several subpoints:
Thousands of wights are standing still outside the walls, staring at the burning trenches. What do the army of the living do? Nothing. They don't shoot arrows, they don't strengthen their defences, they don't regroup, they actually just stand there.
The wights are coming through the trenches and are climbing the walls: What do the army of the living do? Yeah that's right, they shout "MAN THE WALLS!" Are you actually kidding me? Isn't that the ONLY THING they COULD be doing at that point? What were they doing if they weren't manning the walls? It's not even illogical, it's beyond that. It's so bad writing and directing that you'll have to wonder why no one spoke up and said "But boss, wouldn't they already be manning the walls? It's a siege."
Daenerys lands her dragon next to Jon in order to... what? Get surrounded by wights who climb on top of it?
Why did they send out the dothraki riders to begin with? They already know the army of the dead is over a hundred thousand strong. They know they have a dragon and giants. What is the point? Who decided they should do it, and why did they agree to it? I could go on and on with stupid decisions, but you get the point by now. Moving on.
What is the point of Bran being out by the weirwood tree? He might as well be more securely guarded inside the actual fortress of Winterfell, surely Arya can dive in from nowhere wherever she wants.
What is the point of Jon being revived after he got killed as Lord Commander? He doesn't fight the Night King, which was alluded to several times.
Cliche after cliche. I already mentioned plot armour, but even the characters that do die are cliched to the extreme. From Lyanna Mormont killing a giant by gently poking his eyeball with a dagger (are they really THAT fragile?) to Reek redeeming himself by killing off a hundred wights in a frenzy of elite badassness, to suddenly charging the Night King with his spear as if he was trying to pole-vault him. What happened to the fighting skills? Running in a straight line with "the pointy end"? Even I could do that, and of course it won't work. Use your brain, Reek.
It seems clear that the show has massively decreased in quality ever since they went past the books. The writing has been embarassing at times. In the first season, it took Robert Baratheon one month to reach Winterfell. The past season or two everyone has discovered fast travel. They can just double-click on a waypoint and poof, they're there. But this episode took it one step too far. People are teleporting inside a battle. Battle-hardened strategists are ordering to man the walls when there's a siege, because that's not something you do initially.
I'm giving it a 3/10 due to good CGI (the few seconds you're able to see anything). That's virtually the only redeeming factor here by the standard they've set for themselves.
Just because a show is fantasy doesn't mean you can defy the logic within the world you're depicting.An episode that repeatedly defies logic
Kairo (2001)
Absolutely dreadful in every possible aspect
I never write reviews and this doesn't deserve one, I'm only writing this as a warning to anyone who might come across it: Don't watch this film.
It's quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. But not only is it a horrible movie, it's actually so bad that it will annoy you. I found myself increasingly frustrated as the movie went on. There's no direction, there's no point, there's nothing in this movie. It should never have been made.
People who find this movie good, scary, creepy, deep, unsettling, or anything positive at all must have seen a different movie. The only creepy thing about this movie is the fact people were ok with making it.