ndrew-1 Reviews

Mistrz (2005)

I'm sorry but this film simply SUCKS

[3/10 · 3 December 2005]

Why Polish films need to suck? Another movie, full of vodka, some swearing and cheap sensation. Film is full of "atractions" : we have a drunkard, a prostitute, a guy with past,a lesbian, and other minor characters. Speaking of whom, they are simply sketched, don't make a real character, but rather types. The whole story is senseless and unbelievable. The plot isn't clever or logical. It is chaotic composition of elements. Maybe it is to make it look like events from real life but it is just annoying. I've seen it on Camerimage but I have not found many good shots in that. The previous Trzaskalski's film, EDI was much better, more consisted, touched important issues, had beautiful pictures, a general idea behind it. A good movie. And this "Mistrz" is unwatchable. It gives you nothing, evokes some cheap drama, awful dialogues kill all the scenes that could be at least average. I almost forgot, there were naked women of course, and 45-second long sequence of sexual intercourse. Watch something better, don't make your opinion on Polish cinema by means of this crap. The whole film is about circus and it is a circus indeed, full of grotesque clowns and cheap tricks. The only good thing about it, is that director didn't copy any Hollywood movies in order to make a film with American-like plot with Polish flavours. He made quite original piece of nothing that might win some awards if you find a jury where there will be people who believe that a scene with a silent man standing on a field with a bottle of vodka in his hand has any poetic significance, and they are able to imagine any "deep" in it, although, it doesn't have any.

Blackjack (1998 TV Movie)

c'mon don't watch that!

[2/10 · 12 March 2005]

What a piece of crap. I find films of John Woo highly entertaining, sometimes they convey various stuff being not only violence and kick'n'shoot'em scenes. But here what we have got is just a piece of unwatchable crap. Fights, chases and shootings are not very impresive. It is very unrealistic and depressing. The plot, and events are totally not possible, even for an action movie. Dolph Lundgren, as usual, acts like a log. But that's nothing new, even his character is repulsively boring. Don't waste your time watching it because you won't gain anything. You won't kill some time with pleasure, see any good action or have a chance to ponder on human existence.

Ghost Ship (2002)

Average, some blood gruesome images, and music-video-like scenes

[6/10 · 3 July 2004]

In general, the film was not that bad. It has several advantages. The place where the action takes place is that rusty ship wreck, where secrets lurk in darkness. It is an uneasy task to calm your nerves while the crew is exploring the ship. The plot is not very original but it is being gradually revealed during the film, which attracts viewer's attention. All horror lovers will find there many nice scary shot, though not very logical, but still their appetite for gruesome images will be satisfied.

As it is a modern piece of horror there are many scenes with dynamic music in the background and fast changing pictures. Coming back to the plot - it is like an easy puzzle to solve, without may surprises, but still quite enjoyable.

SPOILER ALERT

My favourite scene is the ending - done like music video, and I like the line of the Collector that "Not a soul can be found on the ship" or something like that.

SPOILER END

Good for Saturday evening. Not bad.

Free Money (1998)

It SUUUUCKS!!! It SUUUCKS!!!!

[3/10 · 3 July 2004]

Such great actors such a disappointment. Marlon Brando plays and awful character, the movie is not funny at all, a subconscious message can be seen "IT IS A DAMN CRAP!!!", "IT SUUCKS SO BADLY!!", "THROW YOUR TV THROUGH WINDOW", and so on. It is simply disgusting and irksome. In addition to foolish plot, sense of humor, there is something else. The way the rooms are decorated, the colors. It makes me sick, everything is so colourful that it might cause epilepsy. Usually I do not care about the decoration in movie but this from "Free Money" made me angry. Avoid at all costs! "Free Money" - probably for Charlie Sheen, Sutherland and Brando, but a viewer gets nothing! One watches it at cost of sanity.

The Deadly Spawn (1983)

damn boring!

[1/10 · 7 June 2004]

Extreme experience. I have never seen such a disgusting movie like this. The plot isn't interesting, just some aliens and documentary on some family life. Ending is stupid, whole things is just cheesy. Forget it! Don't waste your time for this crap! The only positive thing is that aliens are nasty. But it isn't a reason why one should watch it. You'd better watch "Bambi" instead. It will be surely a better way of spending your free time. Such low-budget horrors without any enjoyable plot, special effects and good, original ideas are worthless. Waste of video cassette, really! Perhaps you've seen worse than this one, but don't check it! There's a whole bunch of boring films, don't be silly and don't watch it. I did it. I regret it. Your life don't have to be that bad.