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3/10
What did I just watch?
29 November 2022
I've been a "Weird" Al fan since forever, even his movies like UHF that many people thought weren't great, well I loved.

But this... come on. No story, no antagonist, no romance except for the part where he meets (a very miscasted) Madonna... ouf.

To make matters worse there was nothing funny at all in the movie.

Sorry Al, but WTF? I think you can do better.

To be fair, at first I was expecting a biography but once I realized it was fictional and a parody I lowered by expectations.

Sadly it appears I didn't lower them enough! I had to stop watching with a few minutes left to the movie because frankly, I was falling asleep...
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The X-Files: Teso dos Bichos (1996)
Season 3, Episode 18
3/10
One of the few X-Files episodes I couldn't sit through
9 March 2022
This was virtually unwatchable long pauses dragged out scenes even the dialogue makes little sense at times. Not to mention that the plot is insipid and incomprehensible.
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Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)
3/10
Progressively getting cringier
27 November 2021
Show went from being OK at best for the first season, to pretty bad in the second, to cringe in the third and has now achieved "unwatchable" status. In fact I just stopped watching s04e02 mid episode during another interminable self endulging motivational speech.

Cringe...
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3/10
Not any good as a horror movie
16 August 2021
I gave it 3/10 because it's not a horror movie, this is a romantic comedy with all the tropes associated with romantic comedies.

As a movie it would probably deserve a better score, but this is marketed and sold as a horror movie - which it is not.

By far and large the worst of the Conjuring series.
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6/10
Not The Incredibles
10 May 2021
I was a bit disappointed by The Mitchells. Immediately, the formula used to narrate the movie through the main protagonist sent up a warning flag, which was confirmed later in the movie by the overuse of clichés and memes (why?) among others.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad movie and it definitely had some strong funny moments. But there is no way this can be compared to The Incredibles or Incredibles 2 on any plane of existence.
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2/10
Boy this was bad
15 February 2021
This was pretty bad even by today's standards. Every single joke is washed down to make sure it doesn't offend anyone, the diversity in the actors seems forced and often unnecessary. I've seen better jokes in The Muppets Show back in the 1980s. Sadly the acting in the Muppets Show was also better... To be fair, I wasn't expecting much but this was abysmal.
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3/10
Disappointment
15 February 2021
I'm a pretty big fan of Kristen Wiig but this felt like a bad, long SNL sketch. There was nothing funny in there unfortunately which left me disappointed.

Most of the dialogue between Barb and Star seems improvised. The end point for me came when the musical number started at the resort. I just stopped watching and moved on to something else that actually entertained me.
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Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)
3/10
They got a few episodes right but most of them are wrong
5 November 2020
Out of about 30 episodes I watched, about 4-5 were actually good. All towards the end of S01 and beginning of S02. Both before and after, the series explores things that are not believable even in science-fiction.

Question: When do we find out Michael is actually an android like Data but with an overclocked emotional chip?

I'm going to edit this to add an answer to my question above: Season 3.

Season 3 should be called: We Opened The Floodgates as everyone cries, Michael cries, Tilly cries, Paul cries, they even make Saru cry.

Someone needs to take this show to a vet and end its misery.
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6/10
Stop watching 10 minutes into the last episode
27 October 2020
This is the perfect example where less would've been more. The first 8 episodes are great, good story, character development through back stories which is rather lazy but ok whatever, most TV series are doing it that way nowadays.

If you want a great example of how to develop your characters properly see "Justified" or "Breaking Bad" as they did it very very well.

However the last episode ruins the whole series. They had several chances of making it epic, we are a family of writers at different levels from amateur to fan-fiction to published and after the end of the series we sat around milk and cookies rewriting that last episode.

So many better ways to end this.
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Pandorum (2009)
9/10
Very satisfying movie
5 October 2020
I have to admit I procrastinated before watching this movie because very little was known about it. I regret procrastinating although now I can tell everyone: "Hey I saw an AMAZING movie last night..."

Seriously, this is clearly an underrated sci-fi horror movie with lots of action scenes and an intelligent plot with a very interesting twist ending I did not see coming.

Not that I'm particularly good at spotting twist endings, but this one was not telegraphed like many so called twists.

Reminiscent of Event Horizon (perhaps it takes place in the same universe?) it has the same atmosphere throughout. There's a lot of Aliens as well although the "Aliens" in this movie aren't nearly as terrifying as the Xenomorphs in James Cameron's movie.

Lots of undertones and subtle hints COULD have helped me spot the ending but I have to admit, I've missed them all completely. Watch for the scene colors, blue for evil, green for good, etc.

I know it came out in 2009 but I only watched it this week in 2020 and it is definitely the best movie I watched all year so far. Now stop procrastinating and go watch it on Amazon Prime Video. It's totally worth it.
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War of the Worlds (2019– )
3/10
This series' plot seems to go nowhere
27 September 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I had the chance to preview the whole 1st season and the first 2-3 episodes are interesting if redundant because the way the topic is approached is similar to how similar apocalyptic topics were approached before. Sometimes it's a meteor, other times a plague, in this case it's presumably aliens. Also interesting is the fact this is shot in two languages being French and English. As a Canadian I'm fluent in both and it was interesting at first although the novelty wears of quickly.

Then the show gets into the usual rut of going around in circles and people getting picked off one by one. Lots of dialogue that doesn't work, neither for character development or plot advancement. Within the end of the second episode I could already tell who would "live" through the season and who wouldn't

In the end after 8 episodes and over 6 hours of runtime, you're left with an empty feeling of "What did I just watch?"

I kid you not: In the 7th and 8th episodes I found myself asking my spouse: "Who is this person?" because the character development is useless. None of the cast really stands out either. The "big" name here being Gabriel Byrne, is almost irrelevant to the plot line and his character laughably makes some of the worst mistakes in the series.

Also an annoyance is the fact that despite both French and British soldiers and policemen, armed with assault rifles, cannot seem to kill the "alien drones" that roam the streets - but a middle aged woman gets two kills with a handgun and a cargo van respectively, while a teenage kid gets one kill with an assault rifle he wasn't trained to use at all. This and the fact that none of the trained soldiers or policemen could hit an elephant in a corridor at 10 feet, become a huge liability in the plot. Essentially it's like all the people in this show, that are trained in firearms, have the shooting skills of the average Stormtrooper.

Which brings me to the biggest flaw of this series. Like in other post-apocalyptic TV series: Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Z Nation, V, Falling Skies, etc. - after the initial premise is put into place, it then becomes a contest of "who makes the stupidest mistake that will jeopardize the whole survivors camp/group."

That is sad. I had good hopes for this series but was sorely let down by it.

From an artistic point of view, in the first few episodes we discover that a team of French scientists have sent out a message to space in order to try and get in communication with aliens. Within this message a song was included. They play the song in the show and frankly, having heard the song - had I been the aliens me too I would've attacked Earth to obliterate all life on it. Yes the song is that bad.

Finally the set design is not TERRIBLE but not great.

They use several houses while the survivors travel from one place to another, the houses look realistic enough. The University laboratory also looks realistic with its "not too new not too old" equipment and amenities.

However the hospital and bunkers aren't very credible.

All in all I doubt very much I'll watch season 2, having already wasted over 6 hours that would've been better invested watching The Golden Girls reruns on Amazon Prime.
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Birds of Prey (2020)
3/10
Ewan McGregor must have lost a bet to accept playing in this movie
16 April 2020
I thought I'd seen the worst movie I was going to see in 2020 a few weeks ago with Saint Frances but this is worse. This movie started off badly, and progressively got worse from there. The narration, the order in which the scenes are "told" and the action scenes that make no sense... But why? About the action scenes: Whoever choreographed them has either never seen an action scene in the past 20 years, or was a bumbling idiot. Perhaps both. They make fun of "Montoya" - the cop that quotes bad 80s cop movies? Ironic... I found myself asking "but why?" way too often during the movie. It lasts 1 hr 48 minutes but seems like a 3h movie to sit through. The scenes that are supposed to be fun, come across as cringe. The music is loud, pompous and often horribly out of place. Their attempts at humor are really not funny at all. The cast, which is actually not bad on paper, must have woken up on the day after screening this, with a head full of questions. Hopefully their bank accounts will also have been filled with money because I see no other reason for any of them to have accepted to play with that script. The screenwriting is worthy of an episode of Blues Clues, actually make that a mediocre episode of Blues Clues. Come to think of it, I've actually sat through and watched episodes of "Lazytown" that were more interesting with better intrigue and writing. Honestly, with the "missing diamond" plot - it made this seem like someone had an old Pink Panther script that was never developed, and instead decided to adapt it to the DC Universe (But why?) see? Again... but why? I sincerely hope that Margo Robbie and Ewan McGregor's careers can both recover from this fiasco because honestly, this is their version of Pluto Nash.
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Saint Frances (2019)
3/10
An attempt was made at something - we're just not sure what
28 March 2020
This is a weird one, the movie seems to have no plot, no introduction, no story, no conclusion. It's one of those films you start watching and within 5 minutes you know that it will be terrible but you're unable to look away.

Many other reviews state that this movie deals with hot issues like acceptance, abortion (or free choice really), and family values. It really doesn't.

It shows these issues exist, but does it deal with them? No.

Essentially a waste of 106 minutes that you could be spending doing just about anything else, it is a time trap.

I cannot in good faith recommend this movie for anyone.

Even the kid isn't that cute.
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Evil (2019–2024)
4/10
Great premise completely spoiled by terrible technobabble
18 October 2019
Guys - I'm a scientist and tech specialist. Please consult me before writing your technobabble or you will be laughed out of homes where anyone understands the first thing about how Wi-Fi, digital cameras and digital storage and transmission work.

Seriously, this show is GREAT.

The technobabble is ABYSMAL.

There is no digital memory overwriting, it's digital, not a photographic film with multiple exposures like in the 1980s. Digital has error correction built in. It cannot make a ghost image appear because of multiple exposures.

If you wanted to justify seeing a "ghost" image in a digital camera, make it a reflection, an effect of light refraction on the camera iris or aperture settings, even STEAM from any of the devices in the room would have been more believable.

Sorry. I really liked this show until they started the tech. Eesh... FIX IT!
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The Unicorn (2019–2021)
5/10
An unfortunate use of Walton Goggins' acting talent
18 October 2019
The writing is uninspired and cheesy to the point of being cringe. This is the biggest disappointment for new sitcoms this year. The five starts are all for Walton's acting. Everyone else are vacuum cleaners.
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4/10
Good idea - poor execution
5 March 2019
Not since Maya and Marty has a show come from such good premises, and yet hatched such a poor product. The idea here is excellent and I was looking forwards to enjoying it. Unfortunately it lacks the charisma that should come with cartoon characters. Both aliens on the news desk came across - to me at least - as annoying to the point of irritability, forcing me to stop watching the first episode about halfway through after I'd had enough. Too bad. Maybe they can get different voice actors?
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Solis (2018)
4/10
It could've been worse but also so much better
23 January 2019
Nothing more than a cheesy remake of Gravity with lesser special effects, no proper attachment to the character and no ending. I should've watched something else that evening, like the Yuletide Fireplace channel.
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The Nun (2018)
3/10
There's a reason why Madonna stopped using nun's outfits in her videos
26 November 2018
Watching this movie I got the distinct impression that they had picked the wrong soundtrack, instead replacing Madonna's extended version of Like a Prayer with the oddest sounds. Later I realized that everything about this movie is wrong, wrong cast, wrong characters, wrong sound effects, wrong score, wrong cinematography.

The only thing they got right are the end credits.

Note to the directors/casting of the movie: If you're going to cast a French Canadian character, hire a French Canadian actor. Regular French (or in this case Belgian) people can't nail the accent quite right and specifically this guy was hilarious to the point that about 20 minutes in we were wondering if it was a comedy or a horror movie.

Neither his French, nor English accents are credible but my favorite part comes when he says "French Canadian" before imbibing the "nun" with a relic. We all went "Euh... non..." Sincerely: -A bunch of French Canadian people.
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Future Man (2017–2020)
10/10
Oh my - this is it - best new show of the year
17 November 2017
Just when you thought you couldn't get a better TV year, what with the likes of The Orville, then something like Future Man comes along.

Is it perfect? Damned close. The characters, the chemistry, the plot, Corey Hart...

The details in the dialogue, the action scenes, the comedy. I'm not usually speechless but this time I might be.
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The Orville (2017–2022)
9/10
Like watching Star Trek without all the tedious politics involved
12 September 2017
I had high expectations for this show and wasn't let down. Obviously the first episode was spoiled because all the good jokes and punchlines were in the trailer we've all been watching for months. I can't wait to see what they do next week and the week after that but so far so good. I was worried, because this is a Seth McFarlane show, that it would all be fart/burp/reproductive organ jokes and don't get me wrong, there are fart/burp/reproductive organ jokes but they don't overwhelm the viewers. Some jokes are actually quite clever, others less but still funny. All in all it made me laugh and that's what we want from a sitcom isn't it?
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American Horror Story: Election Night (2017)
Season 7, Episode 1
3/10
By far the worst AHS episode in the series
8 September 2017
Trying to be generous but I can't find any way to give this more than 3/10. They got everything wrong, there was literally nothing scary or horrifying in this episode. In fact it was downright funny to see the directors and writers making fun of SJWs. What I don't get is how they expect to have two more seasons (planned) if they keep going in the current direction. That and the fact that I think I speak for the majority when I say I'm tired of seeing Sarah Paulson cast in a similar role over and over. It's like Groundhog Day watching her scream and cry and run and scream and cry and run, and scream and cry... and run.
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5/10
"Chick flick" with some sci-fi
6 May 2017
Acting is uneven except for Gary Oldman who is too much actor for the smallish role he has. Most of the plot is telegraphed and as predictable as any given 5th grade arithmetic problem.

I just have one question - and perhaps someone can answer it: What the hell was in that barn?
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MacGyver (2016–2021)
8/10
I find this an entertaining show - a few tweaks and we're good
3 October 2016
It always amuses me when I see people rate shows like this with 1 star because they don't like the genre or hate one of the actors in the cast . Even better is when someone hates on a show because it's a reboot of an old show.

Now moving on to MacGyver (2016) : could it be better? Hell yeah.

Is it worth 1/10 stars? No it's worth way more, I'm not going to give it full points because frankly there are annoyances, probably too many to list here but what is the criteria by which we choose to watch, or not, any given TV program?

1) is it amusing? Yeah. OK we'll watch it. 2) does it keep us entertained? Sure. We'll KEEP watching it. 3) is it too repetitive? Not sure, we're only 2 episodes in. Look at Walking Dead, I stopped watching it at the middle of season 5 because frankly, although it was entertaining at first and even intriguing, it eventually became full of itself and watching it became a chore so I personally stopped.

I like McGyver, I was a fan of the 1980s version and this one is similar only made with 2016 tech and styling.

Again, could it be better? Hell yeah: Remove the dumb explanations whenever Mac makes, well, anything really. Tone down the hacker's attitude, remove some of the more "Micheal Bay" explosions and we're in for a couple good seasons.

I like it. I'll watch it for now.
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Before I Wake (2016)
7/10
Enough creepy children to give me chills
3 October 2016
Watched this over the week-end and was again amazed by how good of an actor young Tremblay is. In this movie he is toned down a bit, watching it I felt like the main character was his adoptive mother played by Kate Bosworth rather than first billed Jacob Tremblay.

I like that he's picking movies and not (so far at least) playing in anything too corny like the Olsen twins, Macaulay Culkin or Lindsay Lohan did when they were at the peak of their popularity as child stars.

As far as I'm concerned if he keeps playing these serious roles in serious movies I will keep watching.

About the movie it is difficult to review it without spoilers. Let's just say that it was a great horror movie/thriller with cool effects and a few nice true genuine scares. Not too many jump scares of the usual type. I'd have to call this an atypical horror movie for an atypical crowd maybe?

I liked it.
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4/10
Tedious to watch, comes with the musical score from a TV sitcom
26 August 2016
I have no idea how this movie can show a rating above 6 on here, it is beyond me. At first you're presented with a confusing introduction, followed by an even more confusing continuation and further confusing plot twists that make absolutely no sense to anyone.

That and the fact that they spend more time showing how magic tricks are done than showing them in action or concentrating on character development or romance. In fact at the end something happens between two of the horsemen and everyone in the room watching the movie looked at one another in confusion... What just happened? Why?

To top it all off, the musical score sounds like it's straight out of TV shows like Castle or Nash Bridges with a playful, repetitive, "free stock music" sounding instrumental piece that starts out as annoying and by mid movie, winds up being all out irritating.

Their only saving grace that gets them 4/10 is the fact that they used a cast of pretty decent actors but one is left to wonder: How the hell did they talk Morgan Freeman into actually playing in a movie this bad? Maybe he hadn't read the script or maybe they threw a bag of money at him. In either case this is the perfect example of a movie sequel quickly scratched together to achieve only one thing: Profit.

Cheaply made, cheaply scripted, cheap special effects, cheap everything but the entry price. Not a movie I'll watch again.
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