FrozenShark Reviews

Lord Zedd's Monster Heads: The Greatest Villains of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1995 Video)

LORD ZEDD (bumbumbum) LORD ZEDD

[2/10 · 25 July 2005]

Well, this is an odd one. A promotional Power Rangers video during one of the high points in the series, it's simply nothing more than a bunch of stock footage with added dialog to connect it all with Halloween. As a kid, I ate it up, but now as a young adult, it becomes painfully aware how this video was designed for a few cheap bucks. Not that it matters now, the only way to find it is through yard sales and thrift stores. I'd only buy it if it was around fifty cents, and you were sure it was in good enough condition to watch (these tapes weren't put together very well). About the only reason I have to rewatch it is for the ads at the beginning of the tape.

Final Grade: F, only for the serious Power Rangers collector.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)

Started out great...

[3/10 · 18 August 2004]

but went downhill pretty fast. The Satanic Rites of Dracula is one of the last vampire movies in the Hammer series featuring Christopher Lee, who at the beginning of his career made a kick-butt Dracula that can only be challenged by Bela himself. However, Satanic Rites really wasn't a good ending to a series that seemed to be faltering with each edition.

The plot goes like so: It's been discovered that several respected people, including government officials and chemists, have been attending meeting with a cult run by a mysterious land-working cooperation with a boss that likes to keep secret. In order to uncover what's going on, the Secret Service hires specialist Larimer Van Helsing to figure out what's going on.

Van Helsing discovers that a)the cult is developing a new strand of the black plague and b)that Count Dracula, risen from the grave after Van Helsing destroyed him two years earlier, is in charge of the whole operation. So, what's a guy gonna do?

The biggest flaw in this film is that, for a Dracula movie, there's very little Dracula in it. Christopher Lee's character doesn't show up for the first half hour, and then disappears again till the end of the movie. Dracula doesn't really do much either. He sort of talks about his plans, sucks the blood out of one girl for a moment, and runs around on the lawn a bit.

There are a lot of stupid scenes that might make you scratch your head, like when a bunch of vampires are killed by a sprinkler system (the hell???) or when one of the detectives fights a biker wearing a fur coat.

The soundtrack is pretty horrible. It can't seem to decide if it wants to be deep and creepy or be some kind of 70s retro tune.

Overall, the plot would have worked, but the film suffers from some serious flaws that almost bring it down to heckling level. It's not a horrible movie, but don't pay more than a buck for it.

Flying (2002)

Amazing short film!

[7/10 · 28 May 2004]

I caught "Flying" in a short film collection, wedged between a documentary about selling fireworks for the 4th of July and a dumb film about a girl who trades e-mails with Prince William, and I must say, this film was by far the best film in the entire lot.

A man in a business suit arrives at an airport terminal to find it almost completely empty, save from the flight attendant. He's later joined by a quiet, older gentleman, and the two start up a conversation while waiting for their flight to get ready. The business man states begins to realize that he doesn't know why he's here or where the planes goes, and slowly his past begins to creep up on him through flashbacks. He had a family, a wife and a son, and he had cancer. They couldn't treat it. He was going to die. Maybe he's already dead...

The visual style is amazing. The scenes in the airport are given a deep blue look which feels humble. In contrast, the flashback scenes are bright with greens and browns, and give a sense of two separate worlds, which they very well maybe. That's all up to your opinion on what's actually going on, and I've heard several interpretations.

The sound and camera work is flawless, and the acting, how little there actually is, is great. I really just can't say enough about this 12-minute piece. 9/10!

Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (1961)

Amazing film for what it is...

[8/10 · 13 May 2004]

I viewed this movie, along with many, as the last episode of the highly praised show, The Twilight Zone. Originally though, it was shown at Cannes. It has won Emmys, Oscars, and BAFTA awards, and trust me, this is one film that deserves it all.

The story is about a man who is going to be hung from a bridge, and his accidental escape. For the most part, for those who don't know what's coming up, it's an escape movie with amazing heavy atmoshpere. It's suspenceful, with music (or lack off) at the right moments. The lack of dialoge only hightens the suspence.

However, when you think you got this movie down, it throws you for a loop with a very good, suprise ending (which was what made this story work for the Twilight Zone). I don't want to give it away, but it'll make you think.

The only problem is that the original story is rather short, and there was a bit of stretching to make this movie longer, mainly extended running scenes. If you haven't read the story, it won't bug you, but it might tick at you a bit if you had. It's a small problem, though.

TOTAL SCORE: 8/10

The Burning Stable (1896)

One of the most exciting movies of the year!

[6/10 · 17 January 2004]

"The Burning Stable" is probably the most action-packed film of 1896, and seeing all the short boxing movies it had to contend with, that's saying something!

SPOILERS AHEAD: A group of brave firemen approach a burning barn. One of them shows a great act of courage by entering and saving four white horses.

The realism of this film is great. Real firemen instead of actors, real horses, and real fire. This also meant that it was one of the first movies with above-average stunts, laying the way for movies like XXX and Rambo. It's really too bad the Academy Awards weren't around back then.

The Argon Quest (1992)

Blizzard Island: The Movie

[5/10 · 3 August 2003]

I picked up the 90 minute tape while garage sale shopping today. It looked like a decent kids film, so I grabbed it. Well, to make it short, it could have been much better. I know they were probably on a tight budget, but it would have payed off in the end if they bothered to get child actors that could actually act. Both of them act like their reading off of cue cards, and show no emotion whatsoever.

Other then that, a neat story for a kid's film, despite low production values. We are supposed to believe that Blizzard Island is dying, but everything on the island is very green. It looks like that they used a home camera to film this, and the puppets are no Muppets.

Rent it, barrow it, check it out, but don't buy it.

Rainbow Brite: San Diego Zoo Adventure (1986 Video)

I laughed...I cried...everybody else in the room cried too...

[1/10 · 4 February 2003]

Well, what can you say about this Rainbow Brite adventure. Peter and Tracy are having a great time at the San Diego Zoo until they confuse black Jaguars with colored ones. They think someone is stealing the color in the zoo, and so they try to summon the Mistress of Color(tm) herself, Rainbow Brite.

Rainbow Brite is a huge-headed costumed charactar with large softball sized eyes that blinks VERY slowly. Her companion is Twink, a large white puffball with a very annoying voice. Rainbow Brite arrives via rainbow, and immedietly the group splits up.

It turns out that somebody really does want to remove all the color. Murkey, an evil grey-loving guy, and his sidekick Lurky, who is large, brown, and has arms growing out of his ears. They want to turn all the animals grey for Murkey's special amusement park.

All threw the video, a narrator gives us about the animals in the park. Unfortunitly, eduction value on the tape is nil. Everybody knows lions and tigers are big cats. Also, you need to take some notes, becuase she quizes you after the credits. No, I'm not kidding.

Murky and Lurky steal Rainbow Brite's color belt and hid in their secret jungle lair, using a giant trombone to remove all the color from the animals. And take all the color out of the sky. And everything around the animals. And everything else. All Murky's machine really does is make the projector use black and white film.

It's up to Rainbow Brite to save the day. The crew find Murky's hideout (complete with "No Rainbow Brite" signs) and stop Murky and Lurky once and for all. Or at least until the next episode. I really can't see how many adventures you can have about a guy who steals colors.

Overall, the idea was alright. Everything else was wrong. The costumes have you wetting your pants, either out of laughter or fear. Dialog is horrible. At one point, the video promised to be a musical, but changes it's mind part way threw. Overall, 2 out of 9.7.

P.S. Never ask Lurky to make moose calls.