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jcaineb
Reviews
Wrong Turn (2021)
Cringeworthy.
The original Wrong Turn is a well done, enjoyable horror that does it's job well. That does not apply to this abysmal rehash on any level. The characters are wholly intolerable and the dialogue is about as natural as shagging a sibling. Did I mention the characters? A load of try hard, right on, clueless sops which makes for an entirely embarrassing fiasco of a film. This movie was full of political trash that doesn't belong anywhere near this sort of thing, certainly not in the mode that this load of geniuses have come up with. Horror has been on the slide for a while now but this entry into the annals is a new low.
The Craft: Legacy (2020)
Abysmal.
Like a lot of people I'm a big fan of The Craft, a movie that had a perfect cast, good direction, really good performances and an enjoyable storyline. The Craft Legacy has none of this. The writer/director should be 'bound' from attempting to make any future horror movies and possibly from writing and directing full stop. The four witches in Legacy are the same character and quite literally all scream identical dialogue to one another while finding themselves in identical situations at different times. Everything about this movie is 'try hard' and cringeworthy. You cannot fathom how atrocious this movie is. Rewatch The Craft for a blissfully entertaining 90 minutes but by all means skip this one.
Gassed Up (2023)
Chavved Up
Where do you even begin with this codswallop produced by Amazon? Not one interaction between any of the characters, no matter how big or small had an ounce realism. Everything was so unnatural that you might wonder if this group of supposed actors weren't just caught in a giant butterfly net on a London estate and instructed to speak a load of cringeworthy nonsense to one another in front of a camera. No one comes out of this with any credit. If you've seen one chav movie, you've seen them all. Tune in for a laugh but do be warned; viewing this drivel for any longer than 60 seconds could cause brain damage.
Know what I'm sayin' fam?
Polaroid (2019)
Yet more rubbish
Artistically devoid 'Shutter' ripoff.
Redundant script, jump scares that have no effect, uninspired direction & cinematography, bland characters, bland everything.
Entourage: The Cannes Kids (2007)
Cannes, brah!
Yo we did it baby, we in Cannes! My boys done gone European! You know we taking home the gold and I don't mean Ari's Hebrew sack.
Love to my homies in Brentford, living that Vin Life like we in The Hills! Ain't none fresher.
Vinnie Chase, baby! Shout out to Drama, the struggle is real but you got that French tang. Shout out E, (Murphy GROUP!) the littlest man in town sweating biZZnass with no stress and shout out Turtle, who keeps it sloooow like reptilian namesakes do.
Hold the phone playa, 'cos we on the Cote d'Azur and the ladies won't let us leave without a fight.
Vinnie Chase, baby!