curryspice Reviews

Honey (2003)

Bees make Honey

[1/10 · 28 June 2012]

This movie was on television when I woke up. I think it was on the "Diva" station (this is in Canada). Jessica Alba is an unconvincing music video choreographer. She says a lot of hilarious slang all the time, which sounds like an 8-year-old wrote it. Actually, every word spoken in this film sounds like little kids pretending to be adults. I don't know if Alba is trying to have some sort of Latino vibe going on, but it seems almost offensive.

There was some sort of thing going on about her teaching kids how to dance, and trying to weasel them into a Ginuwine video. Unfortunately, this movie came after his totally awesome jam "Pony", so it was probably something pretty lame.

This movie was so bad. I turned it off early so I could finish eating my eggs (sunny side up!) and toast without barfing.

MVP 2: Most Vertical Primate (2001)

Sad Monkey

[1/10 · 15 March 2010]

This movie is about a radical skateboarding monkey who can skate a half-pipe, I guess? Sounds cool, but did you know that this monkey went on tour? My friend told me this story, but I am sure there were enough people in the audience this day to validate it.

One day my pal went to see the MVP at our local skate park. He was supposed to drop into the half-pipe. I guess they loaded him out of the truck, and he was looking pretty sad, wearing this diaper. He stood on the edge of the pipe for a while, and then just FELL in! When he bailed, he crapped his pants. His trainers grabbed him out of the pipe, hauled him back into the truck, and drove away. Poor dirty monkey.

People shouldn't use monkeys as hilarious gags. It's funnier when humans are doing/saying idiotic things.

Weekend at Bernie's (1989)

Best Movie Ever

[10/10 · 6 February 2010]

I just watched this movie with my friend, and I must say, after watching it I felt blessed to even have come in contact with such a masterpiece. There are so many phenomenal undertones and moments that make you think, "what were these fine people thinking when they made this contemporary genius piece of work?" It was like walking through the Museum of Modern Art. Can you believe the sets? Wow! This was a blast from the past. I couldn't walk away from the screen. Well, I did once, but only to take a crap. While I was plopping out shits, I contemplated some of the glorious undertones that I had mentioned earlier. These NYC businessmen use their dead boss for their own sexual gain. They ignore his dead body when bodacious babes come into their sight. Otherwise, they use him as a prop to have fun at parties. They are primarily concerned with their own primal instincts, rather than the safety of others. By "others" I mean the Boss' mistress who ends up having sex with his dead corpse. This is necrophelia, and is illegal, although she had no idea (???). Sure, there are many plot holes (rigor mortis anyone? Pooping your pants after death), but it was a lovely romp, that made me have some very positive existential thoughts. I think more people should have hilarious times with their friends' dead bodies. I hope people put me in wacky situations after I die!