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Reviews
Phantoms (1998)
This sucked
Did anyone involved with this film actually read the book?????? Did Dean Koontz even realize how bad he screwed up his own book?? This played like a REALLY bad made-for-TV movie. Koontz' book was brilliant and vividly described each character. When it came time to make the film, I guess everyone involved said "Screw the damn book, lets just get new actors that will make young people want to see this". With the exception of Peter O'Toole as Timothy Flyte, this ENTIRE FILM WAS TOTALLY MISCAST!!!!!!!! Ben Affleck as Sheriff Bryce Hammond???? Rose McGowan is about 10-12 years older than the character in the book that she is playing!!! Liev Schrieber as Deputy Stu Wargle???? What are you people in Hollywood thinking???? No wonder this movie flopped. If you have discrepancies with what I've said or if you liked this movie for some odd reason, I ask you to PLEASE read the book!!!
The Boneyard (1991)
Creepy as hell, yet funny and sad, definitely worth a watch!
Upon seeing the video/dvd box, you may brush this off as a silly Z-grade horror flick, seeing as the picture is that of a giant mutated poodle. HOWEVER, this film at times is downright frightening, with just enough laughs and a bit of drama to keep it totally interesting. The movie is worth renting alone just to see Phyllis Diller as the morgue attendant, Miss Poopinplatz. This is the only film in her career that she wears her own hair and not a wig. Her one liners are priceless. You will also see Ed Nelson and Norman Fell. Not your usual horror film cast, but it works. The story centers on a 400 pound female psychic, disheartened by the way her life is and a cop who has befriended her in the past and needs her help again. The scene where she "remembers" a dead child she helped find is truly scary, yet touching. The 3 dead children (whom she is enlisted to get a feeling for) are absolutely terrifying. The special effects/makeup team deserve applause for their work. They will make you shudder. But for all the scares, there is enough cheesy-ness to lighten the pace, such as the poodle, and the fact that as they are running up a ladder in the roof of the morgue to escape the poodle, our "heroine" cannot get all the way up because her butt is too big to fit through and she has to go back and face the poodle! Lots of gore and gross-ness too. The DVD is a collectors edition and loaded with extra features!! This is a horror film well worth the watch.
Manhunter (1986)
An atrocious, boring piece of tripe...
For the life of me I cannot comprehend what people see in this movie and why anyone sane could think it was better than Silence of the Lambs!! I first saw this in 1986 and I hated it. After Silence and Hannibal, they put this on DVD and I actually bought the 2 disc set (its now on eBay). I still hate it. The movie is slow, boring, and drawn out. The dialogue is cheesy and the acting is terrible, just terrible. William Petersen couldn't be more melodramatic and overacting if he tried. Brian Cox is unimpressive as Hannibal Lecter (Lecktor? as they call him in this one). Joan Allen, usually always perfect in her roles is unimpressive and insignificant character-wise. In all, this tripe plays like a bad made-for-TV film meets Miami Vice. But then again, Michael Mann directed Miami Vice, so there you go. The ABSOLUTE worst thing is the awful music score and the GODAWFUL songs!!The score does not fit the tone of the film, using InAGaddaDaVida to torture Joan Allen tortures the viewer more and that Heartbeat song at the end by Red7 is puke-inducing. As for the DVD release...BAD editing, the dialog misses the mouths of the actor worse than in Godzilla movies, the grainy picture quality is worse than VHS,etc, etc. There is no salvaging this in any form. I love films of every genre and movies are my life and I've seen thousands of films in my 31 years and this was and still is one of the worst pieces of cinematic garbage I have ever wasted 2 hours on (4 since I've seen it twice). Yecch.
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Its bad, but watchable
Yes, Jaws the Revenge is cheesy and bad, BUT it is still somewhat watchable at 2 in the morning when you are bored and nothing else is on. I think Lorraine Gary is a great actress, actually. So is Lynn Whitfield. I do agree the little girl, Thea, is annoying, but what makes the film BAD, is the shark itself. I don't recall anything as fake looking as that pathetic thing they try to pass off as a shark in this film. I know they probably didn't have a big budget for this, but still, in all honesty, if the shark hadn't been so silly looking and do things that sharks don't do (roar, roll on side, stand on tail!, etc) then it would be more tolerable. At least the DVD is in widescreen...