Quark25 Reviews

Head Trauma (2006)

Riveting low budget thriller!

[10/10 · 10 November 2012]

I have to admit that for the first few minutes, I thought this was going to be yet another DV amateur clunker, but wow, was I wrong.

The story is very clever and full of twists, leaving no gaps, holes, or guessing on the part of the viewer. It's well acted and the characters are fully realized, so much so, you find yourself sympathizing with the protagonist. I would have liked a bit more exposition of George; a bit more history as to who the girl was and how he ended up where he did with her as that would have added more dimension to the character and added depth to the ending(I'm trying to avoid spoilers; you'll have to watch the movie to understand what I'm talking about), however, the story is tight enough that this is not a deal-breaker by any means.

Technically, the cinematography is first rate and plenty atmospheric, surprisingly so, and I'm no fan of DV, so that's saying something. It's well edited,and briskly paced. Sound is clear and very well mixed. The music is eerie and fits beautifully, adding a tremendous depth.

Hats off to all involved; it's amazing what they accomplished on a budget of what was reported as just over $125k. I wonder what they could have done if they had twice as much, or even ten times as much, but in the end, I can't say they really needed it as there's really no fault I can find in this film. A lot of much bigger budget producers and directors could learn a few things from watching this film.

Overall, fans of low budget supernatural thrillers will love this flick, and fans of big budget movies will be pleasantly surprised.

The Walking Dead (2010–2022)

An Emo-Drenched Snoozefest

[1/10 · 11 October 2012]

This show is so dull and un-scary, I feel like a brain-dead zombie by the end of each episode.

To begin with, I liked most of Season 1. The first five eps were fast-paced and gory,with great FX. By the sixth ep, it slowed down quite a bit and the characters would launch into these melodramatic monologues that slowed the show to a crawl. There were points in ep 5 where I was outright bored or couldn't help but laugh at these silly monologues. I hoped they would be attacked just to quicken the pace and rid us of some of these ridiculous characters.

Curiously in Season 1, the survivors' camp is right out in the open, and defense is pretty much non-existent. It makes no sense, but there has to be a bit of a suspension of belief, especially in a show where the premise is that the world is overrun by zombies (this point took a lot of suspension, however). Also, they never use the word zombie, instead calling the zombies "walkers," which the writers probably think sounds cooler. It's not. It's stupid and takes the scariness out of the situation. In fact, it makes me painfully aware of how cool the writers or producers are trying to be.

Still, I watched it to the end of the season. I figured it just needed to gain some traction and maybe it wouldn't turn into yet another unjustifiably popular emo-fest that seems to be all the rage these days. Unsurprisingly, my hopes were dashed.

Now, four episodes into Season 2, the episodes are a snooze-fest of awful melodramatic monologue after monologue. There's perhaps five minutes of any sort of action. The rest of the time is filled with long, ridiculous ranting dialog composed of affirmations, admonishments, blamefests, bromance, soul-searching, heartbreak, and all other sorts of soap opera barftastic garbage.

All of this is delivered with as much agonizing, face-squinching emotion as each actor can possibly excrete, which is to say, the emo is positively dripping out of their skins and onto the floors of our living rooms. Common sense is out the window as characters do all sorts of dumb things to advance the plot, all of which is designed to lead to more of these awful emotion-drenched soliloquies and discussions between them. The plot advancement is so glacial, I think I have frostbite.

I really don't understand why people think every show like this is so great. They're not. They're boring, badly written soap operas, nothing more. Swap out zombies for sword and sorcery, gladiators, robots, aliens, vampires, police detecttives, mysterious phenomena, or practically anything, and these shows are all the same.

Writers: give the characters some common sense, put in more action, genuine scares, tension, and even a little humor from time to time, and this could easily be a great show. A little human interaction is great, but stop drowning us in emo, already.

The Devil's Rock (2011)

Very nice little flick

[8/10 · 10 August 2012]

Nice little low budget flick about a couple of WWII commandos who, on the day before D-Day, are sent to knock out a gun emplacement on an island, but end up stumbling upon the remains of an elite SS outfit whose mission is to gather occult forces to use against the Allies.

The story centers on the conflict between one surviving Allied commando and one surviving Nazi, and whether the commando can believe the Nazi's story of summoning a demon which must be sent back to hell as it can't be controlled.

The story is simple, straightforward, and well paced. Good cinematography, good demon makeup, and well acted. It's not a gross out or high body-count type of movie, it's more of a psychological story as the two men decide how much they can trust each other against the demon, which is trying to escape. Can the commando trust the Nazi? Will he be enthralled by the deceitful demon? That's the meat (no pun intended if you've seen it) of the story.

It's only apparent that the movie is low budget when skimping on a few effects (the head-bite could have been much better, the D-Day invasion fleet could have been a better detailed, but hey, when ya only have so much money to play with, you put it to use where it does the most good). However it's a very minor quibble and overall, if you're looking for something other than a flesh-ripping gore flick and something a little more laid back, intellectual, and character-driven, but with a generous touch of the occult, then this may be right up your alley.

Dark Waters (1993)

A slow, dull waste of time

[2/10 · 4 December 2006]

Many reviews praise this movie as atmospheric and I have to say, the cinematography is very well done, the locations and sets are beautiful, and there is some eerie (though derivative) imagery. All the icing can't hide the tasteless cake underneath, however. Movies are about story telling, not just the visuals, and too many movies these days are based on how good they look, not how well they work (M Night Shamalama-ding dong, anyone?).

This movie suffers from this problem. Looks great, but it's essentially empty. The story moves at a snail's pace; this is not atmospheric, it's just dull. Nothing is explained by the scant dialogue or even inferred visually, we just move slowly from one surreal scene to the next. The lead actress seems to suffer no sense of dread, she pretty much sleepwalks through everything.

A lot of stuff is ripped off from Bava and Argento, as well as several 70's movies like The Sentinel, and a dose of Lovecraft is thrown in for good measure (The last 8-10 minutes are essentially Dagon, which Stuart Gordon did very well several years later).

I can see what the director was aiming for, but it just doesn't work. It's too bad, because you can tell he put a lot of effort into this movie.

Dead Creatures (2001 Video)

This is how much movie you get on a five dollar budget and zero talent from anyone involved

[1/10 · 18 February 2002]

A bunch of women with Cockney accents who can't act sit around talking and smoking pot.They have another woman in a wheelchair they hide under a sheet because she is "deformed", and supposedly they kill someone to feed this person human flesh that looks like some Spam that they dressed up by stickingon a few plastic fingers. We don't see them killing anyone or even infering that they did, yet suddenly there is a body on the floor covered by a bloodied sheet. I can't eat Spam covered by a sheet anymore because of this. Just the thought of Spam covered by a sheet is enough to induce the same narcoleptic fit brought on by trying to get through this movie. I just don't know how I got to the end; it seemed like an eternity before the final credits started to roll. At least five new species spawned and were fully evolved from the movie's beginning to it's end.

Occasionally there are randomly inserted scenes of a guy who is "hunting" them by way of torturing and interrogating some guy he has strapped to a chair in his basement. Why he captured this guy and how he is connected to the Sit-On-The-Couch Sisters is never explained. There are also scenes of some "superhuman" guy freaking out. He p*sses blood and punches through a wall, but who he is or what is wrong with him is never explained. He's just there punching the wall.

There is no action, no special effects, no story. If you want to watch some boring people talk in a profound way about nothing in particular while sitting around and eating Spam and smoking weed, then here's 90 minutes of that. If you're by yourself smoking weed and need a friend simulator, pop this movie in. Except for a scene where one chick does some hooking on a street corner and the aforementioned random scenes, absolutely NOTHING happens. (YAWN) Oh, I almost forgot, you get to see them move some stuff, including the deformed sister, when they move to their new apartment. Its one of the few times besides the hooking scene that they're not sitting on a couch or lying in bed.

Star Trek: Enterprise (2001–2005)

PLEASE KILL THIS GARBAGE!!

[18 February 2002]

Did any of the people involved with this show ever WATCH Star Trek before? The stories are boring and unimaginative. Just more crap expressing the thoughts and feelings of the "Me" generation this junk is aimed for. Lets all explore our FEELINGS! Oooh, how warm and fuzzy!

This show, like all the new incarnations of Trek, spends forty minutes on plugging at the sappy emotions and feelings of weakness of each character and resolves whatever actual dilemma is happening in the last 5 minutes. The writing is awful, plot holes big as a black hole. As for the Enterprise crew, who cast Scott Bakula as a ship captain? He has as much charisma as Jello! And his character sucks, too! He never disciplines his crew, even the Vulcan chick that is so disrespectful to his face, she borders on insubordination! And the xenolinguist? Hers is the worst character in the series besides the fact her acting stinks. How the hell did she get into a starship or even into the military? Every move in an isolated environment like that is potentially a life or death situation and she freaks out constantly! If they are on a military ship, wouldn't it stand to reason that her ass would be grass to any competent commander? If this is the future, wouldn't competency tests way early in her training show her to be so weak-minded and consumed by doubt as to be completely useless, if not downright dangerous in a potentially life threatening situation? The doctor with his annoying optimism, his character is a clownish caricature (Oh, you silly humans, so unlike my planet but I sure enjoy the differences, ho ho ho). These are starship personnel and in the world of Star Trek, they are supposed to be the best of the best, yet these characters come off as bad extras from the Love Boat. At least Jolene Blalock is smoking hot in that skintight uniform. She's also the only cast member with talent. A shame they make her character so stupid and hostile, with no depth.

The original Star Trek was an action show with an underlying theme of how all Mankind shares the same vision, emotions, and strives for greatness as a race. It was about how, despite our individual weaknesses, in the end we are great because we are all part of the Human Condition (remember in "Doomsday Machine" when Kirk tells Decker "We're stronger with you than without you!"? That line is the essence of Trek. The complexity of the show was due to it's simplicity (not to mention top notch writing and directing), not like this crap where they try so hard to be complex it ends up being simply dumb. And what's with that Foreigner/Loverboy bad 80's wannabe theme song? Someone really needs to become unemployed over THAT!

Deathmaster (1972)

The 70's had the most bizarre movies ever. . .

[8/10 · 18 February 2002]

Great early 70's clothing, a philosophizing folk song (wow, man is like a river, that's like, so deep), not so subtle drug references, and the undead! What more could you possibly ask for? Deathmaster really is Quarry's movie with his Mansonesque portrayal of Khorda infiltrating and taking over a commune of lost hippies. The movie's effectiveness really lies in the context that people can be so easily controlled and fall victim to cults, rather than the fact that Khorda possesses their minds because he is a vampire. That Quarry is made up to look like Charles Manson is a not-so-subtle hint to the movie's theme, the resemblance being especially relevant at the time the movie was made.Look for character actor and voice-over artist John Fiedler as the owner of a hippie bead shop!

The movie slows down and becomes a little dull about 2/3 of the way through, and yes, it's terribly dated, but this obscure little gem is an 8/10 for 60's and 70's horror movie freaks like myself. It's certainly a guilty pleasure. I found it at a convention, and watching it brought back a lot fond memories of the Saturday afternoon Chiller Theater flicks like Deathmaster, Lemora, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, as well as a ton of bizarre British horror movies, and even some old giallo that independent stations like Channels 5, 9, and 11 out of NYC used to run constantly in the late 70's through the mid 80's. If you're a fan of such things, you'll want to own this movie.