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matthewellery
Reviews
Gran Turismo (2023)
Racing for Dummies
Remember the sketch show 'That Mitchell and Webb Look', it famously had a sketch about a director who made a film about cricket, despite never having watched a game. This resulted in a film that made no sense and got every aspect of the sport wrong. Containing the immortal line 'there's no such thing as a draw in cricket'.
'Gran Turismo' the film, is the racing equivalent of that sketch, without the deliberate irony.
It is as if whoever made this was told the premise of the true story, but couldn't be bothered to actually watch a race, let alone research anything about the sport.
The lack of seriousness the sport is treated with by the director must be contagious, as the actors seemingly appear not to care about delivering realistic performances either.
This isn't one of the worst films ever made, not even close, but it is one of the dumbest.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Ratings Resurrected
The low overall rating for this film is not justified.
Personally, I thought the original trilogy was okay - but not earth shattering as some will have you believe.
The premise of this instalment is a little silly but, frankly, very much in keeping with the premise of the original three films.
This instalment flows from the others and is produced very well.
Is it the best thing I've ever seen? No, but it's a lot better than the charlatans on this site will have you believe.
In fact, it is my favourite of the franchise.
The Con Is On (2018)
Plot Twist: The film is the con
Truly awful.
Turned this off after an hour. It has no redeeming features. Don't waste your time.
The plot is incredibly boring and the acting is even worse. Tim Roth et al are just cashing in - nothing more.
Looks like they've rebranded this film too. I watched it under the title 'The Brits are Coming'; although 'The Con is On' is a more appropriate title for this time thief of a film.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
The 8th Deadly Sin
The best thing I can say about this film is that it isn't the worst film ever made.
Irredeemably dull from beginning to end. Terrible special effects. Awful acting. Insipid script.
Just a total waste of time.
JFK (1991)
Questions to ask yourself before watching
Before you watch this film you must ask yourself the below questions:
Are you an imbecile?
Do you believe any old guff as long as it fits your world view?
Do you ignore all evidence to the contrary if it is inconvenient?
Do you believe any old conspiracy claptrap if it makes countries/people you don't like look bad?
Do you bore all your friends and family members with nonsensical conspiracy rubbish?
Does believing baseless conspiracies make you feel clever?
Is Elvis still alive?
Was 9/11 faked?
If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes' then you are absolutely the type of moron that will love this trash.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
If Tarantino hadn't directed this it would have a 4/10 rating
This film fails in the fundamental aspect of cinema - to have a plot.
'Once Upon a Time in Hollywood' does not have a plot.
It is simply a succession of events of no particular interest, or relevance, squashed together.
The only thing in the film vaguely resembling a plot - I won't reveal what - happens briefly halfway through for around 20 minutes and then pops-up again for the final 10 minutes. What is the point of the other 2+ hours, I have no idea.
If anyone other than Tarantino had directed this, it would've been panned. Yet, as it's him, it receives this utterly unjustifiable rating.
Perhaps this is actually an art installation by Tarantino; Tarantino proves he can receive copious plaudits by squashing a load of 'stuff' together and calling it a film.
I would say that some have lost the plot by approving of this film. But there is no plot to lose.
No plot, no point.
Holmes & Watson (2018)
The worst film ever made
Impressively, if I may say so myself, I managed to get through 20 minutes of this insufferable dreck.
Toilet humour of the lowest order. It is not funny. It is not a comedy - it is a form of torture, which ought to be prohibited by the Geneva Convention. I would not wish this on the inmates of Guantanamo.
Like all Will Ferrel movies - I am not a fan to say the least - the 'comedy' aspect is predicated on stupidity passing as comedy. It does not. Jokes are funny, being thick isn't.
Some films are so bad they are funny. This is a degree worse than that. It is so bad, it is poison to the senses.
Avoid at all costs.
Peaky Blinders (2013)
An excellent series going increasingly downhill
I very much enjoyed the first few series of this. An interesting and entertaining plot. Well produced and superbly directed.
Sadly, this is a series which is rapidly going downhill.
Due to its popularity, clearly they are stretching this out for all its worth. The Peaky Blinders are increasingly involved in every significant moment in history - I would not be surprised if the next series involves a flashback of how the Peaky Blinders were, in fact, crucial to the Norman Conquest of 1066.
I'd give the first few series an 8/10. The latest a 4/10.