The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Change Constant (2019)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Amy Farrah Fowler : [after she hung up the phone, stunned] We won.
Penny Hofstadter : Congratulations!
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, my god!
Sheldon Cooper : We did it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I know. Can you believe it?
Sheldon Cooper : That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming?
[everyone gasps as Leonard slaps him, hard]
Sheldon Cooper : [Realizing, screaming] WE WON THE NOBEL PRIZE!
[They all start cheering, screaming, and hugging one another]
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Sheldon Cooper : The Nobel committee will be making the calls to inform the winners at any minute, so the only drug I need is the endorphins pumping through my brain in anticipation of our victory.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, technically, anticipation wouldn't be mediated by endorphins as much as dopamine, but, you know, you've been up all night, so I'll give you that one.
[seeing he's asleep]
Amy Farrah Fowler : Really? The second he stops talking?
Penny Hofstadter : Well... should we wake him up?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, he did say if he fell asleep, we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny Hofstadter : [excited] Oh, boy.
Leonard Hofstadter : Wait a minute. Why do you get to do it?
Penny Hofstadter : 'Cause I called it.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you can't just call it. You have to earn it.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh, and you've earned it?
Leonard Hofstadter : No one has earned it more than me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [clearing her throat] Ahem.
Leonard Hofstadter : You have your whole life to smack him around. This is my time.
Penny Hofstadter : Fine. Don't miss.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's not a volleyball. I can handle it.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : You know, I like the way my hair looks. I'm done tiptoeing around him.
Raj Koothrappali : Well, we're all guilty of it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : But why?
Leonard Hofstadter : 'Cause we were afraid to upset him.
Raj Koothrappali : Which happens anyway.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, that's over.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm-I'm done enabling him. Like, this is his spot, and-and... and the thermostat has to be set to his comfort level, even though he doesn't even live here anymore and I'm always chilly.
Raj Koothrappali : Is that why you wear a hoodie all the time?
Leonard Hofstadter : Why would... yes! To accomodate Sheldon. And what-what about this-this thing? Why is it here? I'll tell you why. Because it was here when I moved in, and for no earthly reason, he forbade me to touch it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, if you don't like it, get rid of it. Put it in the closet.
Leonard Hofstadter : You know what? I will.
[as soon as he grabs hold of the model, it falls apart]
Raj Koothrappali : I bet that's the reason.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [after Raj shows Amy's new look, and he detested it and stormed out, Leonard follows him] Sheldon, that was really rude.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, I'm sorry. Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's just a haircut and some clothes.
Sheldon Cooper : No, it's the last straw! I can't take anymore!
Penny Hofstadter : [the elevator bell dings and the doors open] Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.
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Raj Koothrappali : Hey, is Penny here?
Leonard Hofstadter : No. Why?
Raj Koothrappali : I wanted to show her my latest creation. I give you... Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler!
Leonard Hofstadter : [Amy enters, looking drop-dead gorgeous] Wow. Amy, you look amazing.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Thank you. Sheldon, what do you think?
Sheldon Cooper : [giving her a once-over] I like you better the way you were.
Raj Koothrappali : But she looks beautiful! Classic lines, colors that complement her skin tone, and hair that goes from "office" to "on the town" in minutes.
Sheldon Cooper : I don't care. Put it back.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I like the way I look.
Sheldon Cooper : [storming out] Well, I don't!
Leonard Hofstadter : [following him] My fault. I was out of Earl Grey.
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Sheldon Cooper : [singing to the melody of "99 Bottles of Beer"] Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium in a lead jar/Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium/If the half-life of radium should happen to pass/Three times ten to the eighth atoms of radium in a lead jar.
Penny Hofstadter : Really hope you're almost to zero.
Sheldon Cooper : No, see, that's the beauty of half-lives; it's impossible to determine when you'll arrive at zero. It's like "Wheels on the Bus" if the bus had an unknowable number of parts.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah, we're gonna need more coffee.
Penny Hofstadter : Yep. I'm with you. Leonard, coffee?
Leonard Hofstadter : Black and strong, like Luke Cage.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.
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Sheldon Cooper : What do you want, Howard?
Howard Wolowitz : We were just calling to see if you'd heard yet.
Sheldon Cooper : We haven't.
Amy Farrah Fowler : But thank you for getting up so early to call. That was very thoughtful.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, please. We have two little kids. We've been up for an hour.
Howard Wolowitz : Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?
Leonard Hofstadter : [disappointed] No.
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President Siebert : Hey, fellas. Can you do me a favor?
Raj Koothrappali : Do we have a choice?
President Siebert : [sarcastic amused laugh] Ha-ha! No. Sheldon and Amy are now officially superstars, and the press will be reaching out to their family and friends for comment. So that we're all on the same page, the word we're gonna use to describe them is "quirky". And not...
[in a deep voice]
President Siebert : ..."quirky". More like...
[more upbeat and pleasant]
President Siebert : ..."quirky"!
Howard Wolowitz : So not Mr. and Mrs. Whackadoodle?
President Siebert : [another sarcastic laugh] Ho-ho-ho! You bitter, envious little man.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [applause as she and Sheldon enter] Thank you so much.
President Siebert : [still uncomfortable, Sheldon leaves again] And what do we call that?
Leonard Hofstadter , Raj Koothrappali , Howard Wolowitz : Quirky.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Between the attention he's getting as a Nobel Prize winner, Amy's new look, and the elevator finally being fixed] This is a nightmare.
[Storms off down the stairs]
Penny Hofstadter : What's with him?
Leonard Hofstadter : He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh. Yeah, got it.
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Penny Hofstadter : [preparing to slap Sheldon from his slumber] Oh, wait. Hang on. When you're old, you are gonna want a record of this.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, oh, yeah. Do it in slow-mo. I wanna see his cheeks ripple.
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Raj Koothrappali : Was it your left hand or your right hand?
Leonard Hofstadter : Right. Spit actually flew out of his mouth.
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Sheldon Cooper : What kind of tea is appropriate for winning a Nobel Prize and now everything is changing and you feel unmoored from reality?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know. Earl Grey?
Sheldon Cooper : You know, this is something I've wanted my whole life. But I guess I never considered how everything would be different.
Leonard Hofstadter : Buddy, I-I know all feels overwhelming right now, but I promise you, things will settle down.
Sheldon Cooper : [rummaging through teabags] There's no Earl Grey! You filthy liar!
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Amy Farrah Fowler : I should've seen this coming.
Raj Koothrappali : Oh, stop. You're allowed to get a haircut.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I know. But I should've done it gradually. You know, like... maybe 300 tiny haircuts over a ten-year period.
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, you need to focus on the positive. You won a Nobel Prize. I slapped Sheldon. A lot of dreams came true today.
Amy Farrah Fowler : You know, you're right. This is a huge day for me, and I'm allowed to enjoy it without worrying about how it's going to affect my husband.
Raj Koothrappali : Is it me, or did it just get fierce in here?