The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Change Constant (2019)
Kaley Cuoco: Penny Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Amy Farrah Fowler : [after she hung up the phone, stunned] We won.
Penny Hofstadter : Congratulations!
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, my god!
Sheldon Cooper : We did it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I know. Can you believe it?
Sheldon Cooper : That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming?
[everyone gasps as Leonard slaps him, hard]
Sheldon Cooper : [Realizing, screaming] WE WON THE NOBEL PRIZE!
[They all start cheering, screaming, and hugging one another]
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Sheldon Cooper : The Nobel committee will be making the calls to inform the winners at any minute, so the only drug I need is the endorphins pumping through my brain in anticipation of our victory.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, technically, anticipation wouldn't be mediated by endorphins as much as dopamine, but, you know, you've been up all night, so I'll give you that one.
[seeing he's asleep]
Amy Farrah Fowler : Really? The second he stops talking?
Penny Hofstadter : Well... should we wake him up?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, he did say if he fell asleep, we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny Hofstadter : [excited] Oh, boy.
Leonard Hofstadter : Wait a minute. Why do you get to do it?
Penny Hofstadter : 'Cause I called it.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you can't just call it. You have to earn it.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh, and you've earned it?
Leonard Hofstadter : No one has earned it more than me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [clearing her throat] Ahem.
Leonard Hofstadter : You have your whole life to smack him around. This is my time.
Penny Hofstadter : Fine. Don't miss.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's not a volleyball. I can handle it.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [after Raj shows Amy's new look, and he detested it and stormed out, Leonard follows him] Sheldon, that was really rude.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, I'm sorry. Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's just a haircut and some clothes.
Sheldon Cooper : No, it's the last straw! I can't take anymore!
Penny Hofstadter : [the elevator bell dings and the doors open] Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.
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Sheldon Cooper : [after he gets to the bottom floor, he's surprised to see Penny there after he just left her and Leonard] How did you get down here?
Penny Hofstadter : The elevator. It's really fast.
Sheldon Cooper : I-I need to be alone right now. Don't try to follow me.
Penny Hofstadter : [Follows him] All right. You need a ride?
Sheldon Cooper : That'd be great. Thank you.
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Penny Hofstadter : You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same, but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you are a mean drunk.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm serious. You have a ton of friends, you got married, moved into a new apartment. You wore a baseball hat that one time. Heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.
Sheldon Cooper : More.
Penny Hofstadter : W...
Sheldon Cooper : [holding up two fingers] By this many.
Penny Hofstadter : You dog!
Sheldon Cooper : It was the "Avengers" trailer.
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Sheldon Cooper : [singing to the melody of "99 Bottles of Beer"] Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium in a lead jar/Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium/If the half-life of radium should happen to pass/Three times ten to the eighth atoms of radium in a lead jar.
Penny Hofstadter : Really hope you're almost to zero.
Sheldon Cooper : No, see, that's the beauty of half-lives; it's impossible to determine when you'll arrive at zero. It's like "Wheels on the Bus" if the bus had an unknowable number of parts.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah, we're gonna need more coffee.
Penny Hofstadter : Yep. I'm with you. Leonard, coffee?
Leonard Hofstadter : Black and strong, like Luke Cage.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.
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Penny Hofstadter : You know, you're the only person who could win the biggest prize in science and still be upset about it.
Sheldon Cooper : It's just... all the times I thought about winning, I never thought about how it would ch...
[she starts to raise her drink]
Sheldon Cooper : Affect my life. I'm sorry, I'm genuinely concerned about your liver.
Penny Hofstadter : Okay. Fine, I'll stop playing.
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Penny Hofstadter : You know, I've grown, too. I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon Cooper : That's true. And now there is a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is 65% Coke, 35% Diet Coke?
Penny Hofstadter : Well, judging by the look on her face, it's at least 1% saliva.
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Sheldon Cooper : I do take your point. You know, you're also married, you have a successful career, you no longer dress like you're trying to attract sailors by the wharf.
Penny Hofstadter : So, I guess the only thing that actually stays the same is that things are always changing.
Sheldon Cooper : Interesting. So you're saying the inevitability of change might be a universal constant.
Penny Hofstadter : Well, there's a little more to it than that, but, yeah, sure.
Sheldon Cooper : [seeing Howard and Bernie on CNN] Oh. Hey, look, that's Bernadette.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I can't tell you how many times Dr. Fowler was gonna give up and I would say to her "Amy, as your best friend, I'm not gonna let you quit."
Penny Hofstadter : Okay, I'm drinking again.
Sheldon Cooper : I'll join you. Waitress, uh, 95% Hawaiian Punch, 5% vodka.
Howard Wolowitz : Let me tell you about the time Mr. Nobel Laureate wanted olives...
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [laughing] This is a good one.
Sheldon Cooper : [calling to the waitress] You know what? 90/10!
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Sheldon Cooper : [Between the attention he's getting as a Nobel Prize winner, Amy's new look, and the elevator finally being fixed] This is a nightmare.
[Storms off down the stairs]
Penny Hofstadter : What's with him?
Leonard Hofstadter : He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh. Yeah, got it.
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Sheldon Cooper : All this change is just too much. You know, the reporters, the attention at work, and now even Amy's changed. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm playing a drinking game. Every time you say the word "change", I take a slug.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you gonna be able to drive me home?
Penny Hofstadter : Mm. Not unless you change the subject. Huh. Now I said it. Meh. Hmm.
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Penny Hofstadter : [preparing to slap Sheldon from his slumber] Oh, wait. Hang on. When you're old, you are gonna want a record of this.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, oh, yeah. Do it in slow-mo. I wanna see his cheeks ripple.
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Penny Hofstadter : [last lines of the episode]
[returning home, Sheldon starts up the stairs]
Penny Hofstadter : Hang on.
[pressing the elevator call button]
Penny Hofstadter : What do you think? Want to give it a try?
[as the door opens, he looks in uncertainly, then glances at the stairwell]
Sheldon Cooper : Well, you know, the elevator did work when I moved into the building. So going up and down the stairs was a change, which means this would actually be a return to the status quo. But conversely, I think...
Penny Hofstadter : [shoving him] Get in!
Sheldon Cooper : [the doors close] This is wild.