Hot in Cleveland (TV Series)
The Fixer (2013)
Jane Leeves: Joy Scroggs
Quotes
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Victoria Chase : Are you really as good as they say you are?
Danny : Did John Glenn go to jail for murder?
Joy Scroggs : What murder?
Danny : I rest my case.
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Melanie Moretti : Maybe it is to soon for me to start dating.
Joy Scroggs : That's ridiculous. You like him and he likes you; you're already ahead of most of my relationships.
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[last lines]
Professor Zucker : Only one person did a film worthy of an A. In a clever homage to the Godzilla films of the 1950s which warned of the horrors of the atomic age, this filmmaker also used frightening imagery to provoke thought. I give you... Elka Ostrovsky's 'Man Hands'.
Joy Scroggs : Wait. What?
Elka Ostrovsky : [narrating film] I was married to the mob. I lived through the horrors of war, but I have never seen anything as terrifying as *man hands*. Man hands.
Elka Ostrovsky : [to Joy] I wanted the A.
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Joy Scroggs : That was beautiful, Elka. My film's got everything those Oscar winners have: craggy-looking old people talking about Nazis. I'm a shoo-in to get that A.
Elka Ostrovsky : Not so fast. I want to interview you for my film.
Joy Scroggs : Really. But my story can't possibly be as interesting as yours.
Elka Ostrovsky : Oh, don't put yourself down, Joy. That's my job.
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Melanie Moretti : Hey! Guys! Guess what? I have a date with my gynecologist.
Elka Ostrovsky : They're called appointments, dear.
Joy Scroggs : We've all been there, Melanie. So desperate for a man's touch you make an appointment you don't even need.
Melanie Moretti : No, I've never done that.
Joy Scroggs : Nor have I.
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[first lines]
Joy Scroggs : Sorry I'm late; what'd I miss?
Victoria Chase : Oh, we were just telling sad, bloated Melanie that Alec was right to break up with her.
Joy Scroggs : What! That's a horrible thing to say. You're going to make her cry.
Elka Ostrovsky : That's the plan.
Melanie Moretti : I haven't been able to cry since Alec and I broke up, and I feel like it's all bottled up inside me. If I could just get one good cry, maybe I could get over him.
Joy Scroggs : Got it. Has anyone mentioned that he's probably banging some hot twenty-something already?
Elka Ostrovsky : I said twins.
Joy Scroggs : Well, the movie's in ten minutes. Everyone says you can't watch 'The Diary' without bursting into tears.
Victoria Chase : Oh, yes! 'The Diary' is the movie 'The Notebook' goes to see when it wants to feel sad.
Joy Scroggs : After all the artsy-fartsy cinema Elka and I have had to sit through in our Theory of Film class, we could use a little mindless entertainment. No sub-titles, no moral ambiguity, no chess games with death.
Elka Ostrovsky : And only good-looking people get naked.
Melanie Moretti : Look, you guys, I'm really not up for a movie. You go. I'm going to stay here and finish my wine. I'll pay the cheque.
Joy Scroggs : Oh, honey, are you sure?
Melanie Moretti : Ah, don't try to be nice; it only makes it harder.
Victoria Chase : Well, bye, Mel; sorry you're so hideous.
Joy Scroggs : And unlovable.
Elka Ostrovsky : Have fun dying alone.
Melanie Moretti : Nothing.