The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Deception Verification (2013)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leonard Hofstadter : So, am I driving you to work or are you still mad at me?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'd like a ride. Assuming you actually do take me to work.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Where do you think I would take you?

  Sheldon Cooper : Who knows? You said you'd be home yesterday, but came home three days ago. You say you're taking me to work, but for all I know I'll end up in a deserted amusement park, or a cornfield maze or a back alley dog fight. You tell me.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm going to work. You can come if you want.

  Sheldon Cooper : OK. By the way you have something on your shirt.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, I don't.

  Sheldon Cooper : Hurts, doesn't it? You know, I find myself wondering if anything you every told me is true.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I didn't make it back. The ship sank. I'm in hell.

  Sheldon Cooper : You say you're from New Jersey, but how can I believe you.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why would anybody claim to be from New Jersey, if they weren't?

  Sheldon Cooper : All right, I'll give you that one.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Do you hear anything?

  Sheldon Cooper : I hear a woman's voice.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Is it Penny?

  Sheldon Cooper : No, it's you.

• [last lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : And then Leonard took me to the barber and the dentist. and then to cap off the perfect day the Las Angeles Bureau of Weights and Measures.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I thought the Measures were going to be the stars of the show; turns out it was the Weights.

  Penny : I'm so glad you guys are friends again.

  Sheldon Cooper : Eh, I'm glad you and I are friends again too.

  Penny : Aw.

  Sheldon Cooper : Which reminds me, this came in the mail, and I want you to have it.

  [he hands her a coupon] 

  Penny : [reads]  "Fifty cents off Vagisil."

  Sheldon Cooper : Think of me when you apply it.

  Raj Koothrappali : Can I just say: I've missed all of us hanging out together.

  Sheldon Cooper , Bernadette Rostenkowski , Howard Wolowitz , Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah.

  Penny : Me too

  Leonard Hofstadter : Um, since when can Koothrappali talk in front of the girls without a beer?

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, that happened right after you left.

  Leonard Hofstadter : And no-one told me?

  Howard Wolowitz : [starting to weep]  Can't believe we forgot to tell him.

  Penny : Ahem!

  [hands Howard the coupon] 

  Penny : Think of Sheldon when you apply it.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon. Your fight's with Leonard. Penny's got nothing to do...

  Sheldon Cooper : Careful Amy. The friend of my enemy's girlfriend is my enemy.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Really?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes. You're either with me or against me.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : You want to take the bus to work?

  Sheldon Cooper : Maybe there's a third option.

• Sheldon Cooper : Stuart, I was wondering if you could help me find something.

  Stuart : Happy to. Unless its hope or reason to live.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown.

• [first lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : And here's another interesting weather fact.

  Penny : Another? Great!

  Sheldon Cooper : Changes in jet-streams can affect the speed at which the earth rotates on its axis, so bad weather can actually make the day longer.

  Penny : Well, there must be a hell of a storm somewhere!

  Sheldon Cooper : Joke if you must, but you're going to miss these moments. With Leonard home in a few days, this was your last time driving me to the grocery store.

  Penny : You know, I will miss this.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'll tell you what. If my apples are mealy, we'll hit the produce section for one last crazy blowout. You can even push the cart. Please don't take my looking forward to Leonard's return as criticism of the job you've been doing in his absence.

  Penny : I won't.

  Sheldon Cooper : That criticism will come later in your report card.

  Penny : Yeah! I didn't stay for the detention; I'm not going to read the report card.

• Sheldon Cooper : I'm quite familiar with plumbing. Not to brag, but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.

• Sheldon Cooper : I let you buy feminine hygiene products with my supermarket club card. Do you have any idea the kind of coupons I'm going to get in the mail now?

• Sheldon Cooper : That's curious. If there's no one here, why are there two glasses of wine on the table?

  Penny : Oh! Well, you know, I've got two hands and a bit of drinking problem.

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course. Ask a silly question. That's odd.

  Penny : What?

  Penny : There are take-out containers in the trash can.

  Penny : So? That's my dinner from last night.

  Sheldon Cooper : What's odd is they're in the trash can.

• Sheldon Cooper : Hey, Amy.

  Penny : Hey, Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : You don't get a hey. You get a hmm.

• Sheldon Cooper : Hello, Raj. Howard. Judas.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You know what? You're a crazy person.

  Sheldon Cooper : A crazy person with a long memory and, if all goes according to plan, my own robot army. Or a mutant army. We'll see how my genetics research goes.

• Sheldon Cooper : [thinking Leonard is doing the opposite of what he said]  . I suppose you are giving me the other four fingers.