Modern Family (TV Series)

Mistery Date (2012)

Eric Stonestreet: Cameron Tucker

Quotes 

• Cameron Tucker : If it were up to you, we'd get them something off their gift registry.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Oh, you mean the list of things that they specifically said that they wanted?

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, they don't know what they want.

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Jay was supposed to cancel. We cannot go to lunch.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, no.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I am sorry, but he's supposed to pick up the crib at the store, and I am too tired. The baby kicked me all night. It's either going to be a football player or a chorus girl.

  Cameron Tucker : You can be both. My senior year, I was a right-side linebacker and a left-side cancan dancer in "Gigi."

  Mitchell Pritchett : Wow, she really set you up for that one, didn't she?

  Cameron Tucker : Yeah, when it came out of her mouth, I nearly stopped breathing.

• Dave : You were totally right about this gym. I just met the cutest guy.

  Cameron Tucker : What did I tell you? That place is like a gay bar with dumbbells. Redundant.

  Dave : Well, I don't know much about him, but he invited me over to his place to watch a football game tonight.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, my gosh, a date. I have a good feeling about this.

  Dave : Oh, well, don't start planning the wedding yet. I mean, I'm not even sure if it's a "date" date.

  Cameron Tucker : You met him at hook-up central. Of course it's a "date" date.

  Dave : Am I even ready for a "date" date?

  Cameron Tucker : Tough love time, David; Simon left you six months ago, and you're bumming everyone out. It's time to get back up on that horse.

  Phil Dunphy : Hope to see you tonight, Dave.

  [he barks like a bulldog] 

  Cameron Tucker : I can't remember the last time a man made that sound for me.

• Cameron Tucker : Soothing, right? You see, as the music relaxes the baby, you relax.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : No, you're making the baby jump on my bladder. How can it relax listening to a song about a hooker?

  Cameron Tucker : She's not a hooker, she's a private dancer. A dancer for money. She'll do what you want her to...

  [hearing it out loud] 

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, my gosh, I taught Lily this song.

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Somebody has to tell you this. No. You try to control everything. You take over people's lives! It's always too much with you!

  Cameron Tucker : You know, maybe we should talk about this out in the hallway.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Oh, why, because there's gonna be better lighting over there? You're doing it again, Cam. You're doing it again!

  [turning and seeing a mural painted on the nursery wall] 

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ahh!

  Cameron Tucker : You're right. I am too much. I do control. I do barge. I'll have my friend Abelard come back and paint over it.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : So this is why you kept me outside all day? So that your friend Aburar could come and paint a present?

  Cameron Tucker : Yeah, rather than getting you a gift off your registry like a normal person. I'm so stupid.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : I love it!

  Cameron Tucker : You do?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : It's just like you; full of color... and life... and love.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, I really did think you'd love it.

  Jay Pritchett : What's going on up here?

  [seeing the mural] 

  Jay Pritchett : What the...

  Mitchell Pritchett : Okay, that was not my idea. I told Cam, I told him that's a lot to put on someone's wall.

  Jay Pritchett : Hold on. I like it.

  Cameron Tucker : Really? Oh...

  Jay Pritchett : Thanks, Cam.

  Mitchell Pritchett : You actually...

  Jay Pritchett : Makes it easier to give up the room.

• Dave : He's married. To a woman. Yeah, she's out of town. I don't know. They must have some sort of arrangement or something.

  Cameron Tucker : So what? If they know about it, who cares? You're not ready for a relationship anyway. Just have some fun.

  Dave : It feels weird. He has other people coming over. I think I'm gonna bail on this.

  Cameron Tucker : He's just feeling you out like you're feeling him out. Now, I promise you, these other guests will mysteriously cancel. Hold on just a second, sweetie.

  [switching lines] 

  Cameron Tucker : Hello?

  Phil Dunphy : Hey, you guys still coming?

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, I forgot to call you. We have to cancel.

  Phil Dunphy : No problem. Bye.

  [hanging up] 

  Phil Dunphy : Hey. More margaritas for us. The other guys just canceled.

  Cameron Tucker : Are you still there?

  Dave : You were right. The other guys just canceled.

  Cameron Tucker : See? Now listen to me. You're gonna have two margaritas. Maybe start a third. Laugh at his jokes. But not in that high falsetto thing. Something more manly. Let's practice.

  Dave : Hey, I'm not gonna laugh for you. You can be very controlling, you know that?

  Cameron Tucker : [stopping Gloria as she sits up to leave]  Why does everybody say I'm controlling?

• Cameron Tucker : We have the most amazing gift for Jay and Gloria's nursery.

  Mitchell Pritchett : It was Cam's idea, and it's a pretty big swing.

  Cameron Tucker : It's not a swing. It's not a swing. I just need Jay and Gloria out of the house for a minimum of four hours so I can have my crew install it.

  Mitchell Pritchett : Simple.