Modern Family (TV Series)

Mistery Date (2012)

Ty Burrell: Phil Dunphy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phil Dunphy : Phil Dunphy, this is the year 2025. Welcome. You're the first one here.

• Dave : Listen, uh, I-I don't want this to sound weird, but, um... but you and I, tonight... is this, uh...

  Phil Dunphy : [dimming the lights and turning on the fireplace and R&B music with his iPad]  Sorry, Dave, what was that?

  Dave : Nothing.

• Dave : You were totally right about this gym. I just met the cutest guy.

  Cameron Tucker : What did I tell you? That place is like a gay bar with dumbbells. Redundant.

  Dave : Well, I don't know much about him, but he invited me over to his place to watch a football game tonight.

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, my gosh, a date. I have a good feeling about this.

  Dave : Oh, well, don't start planning the wedding yet. I mean, I'm not even sure if it's a "date" date.

  Cameron Tucker : You met him at hook-up central. Of course it's a "date" date.

  Dave : Am I even ready for a "date" date?

  Cameron Tucker : Tough love time, David; Simon left you six months ago, and you're bumming everyone out. It's time to get back up on that horse.

  Phil Dunphy : Hope to see you tonight, Dave.

  [he barks like a bulldog] 

  Cameron Tucker : I can't remember the last time a man made that sound for me.

• Dave : Is that your family? Are you married?

  Phil Dunphy : Yeah, but don't worry. We have the house to ourselves. They're all out of town. I am long overdue for a boys' night.

  Dave : Oh, so your wife is okay with...

  Phil Dunphy : Oh, yeah. She suggested it. She knows I need this every so often. Long as I clean up afterwards, she's fine.

• Phil Dunphy : There's my man.

  Dave : That's me. Your man. I brought spinach dip. I don't know why.

  Phil Dunphy : I'll tell you why. 'Cause it's delicious and you're an awesome guest. Get in here.

• Dave : He's married. To a woman. Yeah, she's out of town. I don't know. They must have some sort of arrangement or something.

  Cameron Tucker : So what? If they know about it, who cares? You're not ready for a relationship anyway. Just have some fun.

  Dave : It feels weird. He has other people coming over. I think I'm gonna bail on this.

  Cameron Tucker : He's just feeling you out like you're feeling him out. Now, I promise you, these other guests will mysteriously cancel. Hold on just a second, sweetie.

  [switching lines] 

  Cameron Tucker : Hello?

  Phil Dunphy : Hey, you guys still coming?

  Cameron Tucker : Oh, I forgot to call you. We have to cancel.

  Phil Dunphy : No problem. Bye.

  [hanging up] 

  Phil Dunphy : Hey. More margaritas for us. The other guys just canceled.

  Cameron Tucker : Are you still there?

  Dave : You were right. The other guys just canceled.

  Cameron Tucker : See? Now listen to me. You're gonna have two margaritas. Maybe start a third. Laugh at his jokes. But not in that high falsetto thing. Something more manly. Let's practice.

  Dave : Hey, I'm not gonna laugh for you. You can be very controlling, you know that?

  Cameron Tucker : [stopping Gloria as she sits up to leave]  Why does everybody say I'm controlling?

• Phil Dunphy : I've forgotten how much fun this can be. We should make this a regular thing.

  Dave : Phil, Phil, wait. Uh, I think I'd better just head home.

  Phil Dunphy : What?

  Dave : I'm just coming out of a long-term relationship, and I guess I'm still pretty fragile. It's not that haven't had a-a great time.

  Phil Dunphy : Not at all. Hey, I get it. I've spent a few nights in heartbreak hotel. If there's anything I can do...

  Dave : You've already done more than you know.

  Phil Dunphy : [a little stunned when Dave kisses him]  Huh.

  [heading upstairs, realization dawns on him] 

  Phil Dunphy : Oh...

• Claire Dunphy : Phil, you have two whole days to yourself. Please tell me you're not gonna spend them trying to wire the house to your iPad.

  Phil Dunphy : Nope, 'cause I've already done it. I think when you get home, you're gonna be very surprised to see that this house has an actual functioning brain in it.

  Claire Dunphy : Great. Great. Now go out and see some friends.

  Phil Dunphy : I'm headed out now. I have a third showing at that colonial. Cam gave me a free pass to his gym. I am...

  [turning on the lights] 

  Phil Dunphy : ...not too bright.

  Claire Dunphy : Mm.

  Phil Dunphy : I am...

  [turning the lights down] 

  Phil Dunphy : ...dim!

  Claire Dunphy : Honey, if you could hear yourself.