Robert Hoffman: Joe

Quotes 

• Telly : Let's go, group! We've got a date at the Phone-O-Mat.

  [the kids join Telly at a display with different kinds of telephones on it] 

  Telly : This is the special place in Telezonia where we put telephones together. Now, there are many different kinds of phones in use in our country today. There's the typical business phone...

  Paul : There's one like that in the office where my mother works.

  Telly : ...there's a wall telephone...

  Larry : We have one like that in our kitchen wall.

  Telly : ...the trimline phone...

  Lisa : My aunt has one like that.

  Telly : ...and there's several others. And they each have the same kind of parts.

  [Telly shows the kids different telephone parts] 

  Telly : A mouthpiece...

  Joe : To talk into.

  Telly : ...an earpiece...

  Lisa : For listening.

  Telly : ...a round dial or push-button, so that you can get the number you want. And wires, and circuits, and a bell inside.

  Paul : They make the telephone work.

  Telly : And a case to hold it all. Now on the case, there's a cradle, so that you can rest the handset when it's not in use. It's very important the phone handset be in its cradle when it's not being used.

  Larry : Or else your friends will not be able to call you.

  Paul : Why are telephones in different colors?

  Joe : What do the colors mean?

  Telly : They're just pretty colors... to match the colors of your house. But regardless of the color, they all work the same way.

  Lisa : Are we going to use a telephone while we're in Telezonia?

  Joe , Larry , Paul : [enthusiastically]  Yeah.

  Telly : Certainly! Come on. Let's do that right now.

  [Telly and the kids rush off] 

• [Telly and the kids gather near a small pedestal with a telephone on it] 

  Telly : How many of you would like to become full-fledged citizens of Telezonia? Raise your hands.

  Joe , Lisa , Paul , Larry : [all raising their hands]  Yeah!

  Telly : Here's the first requirement. You must know how to answer the telephone properly. Who knows just how that's done?

  [the phone on the pedestal rings] 

  Telly : Come on, come on, speak up, speak up.

  [the phone rings again] 

  Telly : The phone is ringing. It should be answered.

  [as the phone rings yet again, Telly makes a 'come here' gesture. Question Mark arrives] 

  Question Mark : A-ha. Do we have some questions here? And do we need some answers? How DO you answer the phone? Is that a good question, or is it not? Let me see if I can answer it for you.

• [Paul looks down at a giant rotary dial. He looks confused] 

  Paul : I don't think the Telephone Company is very smart. It doesn't even know the alphabet. Some of the letters are missing.

  Telly : Missing? Missing? There are letters missing? Well, how do you know?

  Paul : I counted. There's only 24.

  Larry : Yeah.

  Telly : Well, who knows what letters are missing?

  Lisa : Q. There's no Q between the P and the R.

  Telly : Right.

  Larry : And the Z isn't here at the end.

  Joe : The Q and Z are missing, all right.

  Q , Z : [from nearby]  We're not missing.

  [the kids turn to notice Q and Z] 

  Q , Z : We're just not on the dial. But we're in the telephone directory, and you'll use us in a while.

  [Lisa and Paul walk over to join Q and Z. Larry looks back at Telly who, in turn, gestures for Larry and Joe to join the others] 

• Lisa : [running up to Telly while holding an open phone book]  Hey! Here's Ellen Greenberg's number! She lives down the street from me on Viewpark. I know her father's name's Albert.

  Telly : Well, what's their number?

  Lisa : 555-0926. Can I call her? We wanted her to go on a picnic with us.

  Telly : Certainly.

  [Lisa hands Telly her phone book who, in turn, rests it on the middle line of a giant letter E. As the other kids approach Telly and hand him their phone books, Telly places them with Lisa's phone book] 

  Larry : That's right. We want to call our friends.

  Telly : Okay.

  Joe : I think I found Sandy's number.

  Telly : Good.

  Paul : And I want to call home.

  Telly : Okay, then.

  Telly : [pointing toward another part of Telezonia]  Let's go!

  Joe , Lisa , Paul , Larry : [excitedly]  Yeah!

  [Everyone rushes off] 

• [the kids are getting ready to leave Telezonia as they shake hands with Telly and his friends. Suddenly, as Exclamation Point rushes in to say goodbye to the kids, he falls and hurts himself. Everyone else commiserates. Telly turns to Joe] 

  Telly : We better call for help!

  [Holding hands, Telly and Joe rush to the nearest pay phone] 

  Exclamation Point : [weeping]  I hurt myself.

  [Joe picks up a pay phone's handset and Telly hands him some coins] 

  Telly : Here. Here's some coins. Put 'em in.

  [Joe inserts the coins] 

  Telly : Dial 0 for Operator and report an emergency.

  [With the handset to his ear, Joe dials 0] 

  Joe : We have an emergency. There's been an accident. Exclamation has fallen and hurt himself. Send help, please!

  Telly : Now tell them who you are and WHERE you are.

  Joe : This is Joe Armstrong. And we're in the Main Square of Telezonia.

  [Joe lowers the handset and covers the mouthpiece] 

  Joe : The operator wants to know our number.

  Telly : It's right in the center of the round dial, or if you're calling from a touch-tone dial, it's right at the bottom of the keyboard.

  Joe : [back on the phone]  555-2368. Well, bye.

  [Joe hangs up the handset] 

  Telly : Now stay by the phone in case they call back for more information or better directions.

  [Exclamation point continues to cry in pain. Just then, a siren wails from nearby. RX arrives to help Exclamation Point] 

  Telly : Here comes help. Come on.

  [Telly and Joe return to where they were. RX helps Exclamation Point up] 

  RX : Stick out your tongue.

  Exclamation Point : Ahhhh...

  RX : How do you feel?

  Exclamation Point : I'm much better, Doc.

  RX : He's all right now!

  [Everyone else cheers] 

  Exclamation Point : Thank you, Doc!

  [Exclamation Point shakes hands with RX, who leaves afterwards] 

  Exclamation Point : Bye!

  Telly : [turning to the kids]  Good going, group! Public phones should never be played with or damaged, because you never know when someone might want to make a call to help you someday.

  [Z hands some cards to Telly] 

  Telly : Oh, I almost forgot.

  [Telly clears his throat] 

  Telly : As a reward for your service, I hereby make you all honorary citizens of Telezonia!

  [Everyone cheers] 

  Telly : And issue you each a passport good for any time for proper use of a telephone.

  [One at a time, Telly hands the passports to Paul, Larry, Joe and Lisa] 

  Telly : Now you better be going or you'll miss your picnic.

  [Telly opens the door to the way out and the kids all say goodbye to everyone as they leave Telezonia] 

• [the kids join Q and Z at an area in Telezonia where there are bookshelves full of telephone books] 

  Z : [gesturing toward the bookshelves]  Here are all the country's telephone directories - telephone books we call them. Almost every telephone number is listed here. If you want to call anyone at all, just look up the number in the book for the city where the person lives.

  Q : Now, here's how to find a name. Now, listen closely.

  [Q points out pages in an open phone book to the kids] 

  Q : All the names are always listed in order like the alphabet. Now if the last name begins with the letter A, like, uh... Adams, Anderson, Atkins and so on, well, you'd find it in front of the book. Hmm? Yeah. It would then be followed by those names beginning with the letter B, and then all the C's, all the D's and so on through the alphabet. Right?

  Joe , Lisa , Paul , Larry : Right!

  Q : Okay. Now, which name would come first in the book? Smith or Thompson?

  Joe , Lisa , Paul , Larry : Smith!

  Q : Mmm. And would you find Wallace towards the back of the White Pages or the front?

  Joe , Lisa , Paul , Larry : Back!

  Q : Good! Now, listen closely. All of the names that start with the same letter like, uh... Adams, Anderson, Atkins for example, are found in the A section. But to know exactly how to get there, you got to know the second letter in each name. A-D Adams comes before A-N Anderson. A-N Anderson comes before A-T Atkins.

  Paul : But what about people like Baker and Bates? They both start with B-A.

  Q : Right, Paul! And how do you decide which is first?

  Paul : Go to the next letter, I guess.

  Q : Good. B-A-K Baker comes before B-A-T Bates, because...

  Lisa : Because K come before T in the alphabet.

  Q : Right!

  Z : Simple, isn't it? You've just learned how to find names and words alphabetically. It works the same in the telephone book and in the dictionary and the encyclopedia and in lots of other books. Come on.

  [Z takes Joe, Lisa and Paul back toward the shelves while Larry continues to look at the open phone book] 

  Larry : Wait a minute. Here's two names exactly the same: John Mason, John Mason.

  Q : Do they live at the same place?

  [Larry looks again] 

  Larry : No. One is on Elm Street, the other is on River Road.

  Q : Well, that's how you know they're not the same. Now, when you look up a name in the phone book, make sure you know too where the person lives.

  Z : In the front of every phone book is lots of useful information - how to call the Sheriff, the Fire Department, the Police, what number to call to have your phone repaired, and how much it costs to call outside your city.

  Joe : But how do I find the number for my school?

  Z : Well, schools are usually listed first by the name of your city or county, and then alphabetically by name.

  Paul : Look! Some of these pages are yellow!

  Z : In the Yellow Pages, the telephone numbers are listed according to various businesses. You can find accountants, barbers, ice cream makers, movie theaters, plumbers, toy stores, any business with a phone. They're listed alphabetically by business in the Yellow Pages. Take your time. Practice looking up friends or people you or your parents know in business. Write down their numbers and keep a list of the ones you use most often.