Criminal Minds (TV Series)

I Love You, Tommy Brown (2012)

Kirsten Vangsness: Penelope Garcia

Quotes 

• Penelope Garcia : Derek Morgan, this is the 67th message that I have left you, and if you do not call me back, I will have no choice but to show everyone that nude photo of you from art class, and not the good one, either. I'm being serious. What were you and Kevin talking about yesterday? I'm freaking out here. Please, call me back. Bye.

• Jennifer Jareau : I will never understand this whole teacher lover thing. I can barely deal with a grown man.

  David Rossi : What's interesting is, if it would have been a male teacher and a female student, he'd have gotten 20 years and none of this would have happened.

  Jennifer Jareau : Well, she could get life plus 20 for all those murders she committed.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : You know, it's funny. If she wasn't so pretty, she probably would never have been released in the first place.

  Penelope Garcia : What?

  Dr. Spencer Reid : It's true. Unattractive female predators serve a longer prison sentence than their attractive counterparts.

  Penelope Garcia : Wow. That's ridiculous.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : It's primal. There's a hierarchy to everything, including sex offenders.

• Kevin Lynch : Just the guy I'm looking for.

  Derek Morgan : Hey, what's up, Kevin?

  Kevin Lynch : Can we talk?

  Derek Morgan : Is Penelope okay?

  Kevin Lynch : Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's perfect. In fact, that's why I'm here. Look, I know you're Penelope's boo and she's your baby girl. And what I'm about to embark on involves the keen insight of somebody who knows her inside and out. And no matter how much therapy I've gone through trying to understand your relationship, I know you're that person.

  Derek Morgan : Okay, Kevin, land your plane.

  Kevin Lynch : I want to propose to Penelope, and I need your help. Please, I'm not asking for your blessing, I'm asking for your advice. Okay, should I do it over a couple tacos and a nice can of Red Bull? All right. Should I take her to New York and do it at the Statue of Liberty? Maybe, I should serenade her at the round table right before you guys present a case. No, actually, that may not work, given the gruesome nature of your job. How about the high tech room, and I... and I pop up on an HD mainframe?

  Derek Morgan : Kevin, seriously, I got a meeting I gotta get to.

  Kevin Lynch : Derek, please. Come on, bro, this is important.

  Penelope Garcia : [Morgan comes into the meeting room]  Hi, yeah, what was that about?

  Derek Morgan : You know, he just wanted to talk.

  Penelope Garcia : About what?

  Derek Morgan : Just guy stuff.

  Penelope Garcia : Me?

  Derek Morgan : I didn't say that.

  Aaron Hotchner : Garcia, I'd like to get started.

• [last lines] 

  Kevin Lynch : What's wrong, plum sauce?

  Derek Morgan : You know what? I'm gonna let you guys do what you guys do.

  Kevin Lynch : You... You know, don't you?

  Penelope Garcia : Kevin... I like the way that things are now. I love how you have your space and I have my space, and when we come together, we're our own weird world unto ourselves, and... I don't want to ruin that.

  Kevin Lynch : That's not what this would do.

  Penelope Garcia : Yeah, it would.

  Kevin Lynch : [pause]  Penelope, are you, are you against marriage, or are you just against marrying me?

  Penelope Garcia : Kevin... I'm just not ready yet.

  Kevin Lynch : Well, I am.

  [walks away] 

  Penelope Garcia : Kevin.

• David Rossi : [Profiling the unsub]  Either way, they're calculating and dispassionate.

  Penelope Garcia : And no appreciation for Chenille throw pillows.

• Penelope Garcia : This is a red velvet cupcake and you only give them to me on special occasions!

  Kevin Lynch : We'll talk later.

• Penelope Garcia : [on phone with Hotch]  Penny G. has checked all local mental institutions and there are no women that fit that description that have been released in the last two weeks.

  Aaron Hotchner : [on headset]  Alright; check Oregon, Idaho; even Montana.

  Penelope Garcia : Okay... there are... 4 women that match the profile and none of them are preggers.