Self Storage (I) (2013) User Reviews

You've seen it all before

[Leofwine_draca · 4/10 · 7 February 2016]

A low budget, low rent slasher flick. As is usual for this particular genre, the film is blighted by poor scripting and poor acting, not to mention a godawful soundtrack as another reviewer has mentioned. It's automatically bottom-of-the-barrel stuff, albeit with a single exception: somebody brought in cast members Eric Roberts and Michael Berryman, teamed them up with lots of humorous one-liners, and made the film mildly watchable as a result.

Truthfully, Roberts and Berryman are the only good things in this. The humour they bring is a lot of fun, even if their character motivations remain resolutely unbelievable. Elsewhere it's just bad acting, random sex and drug scenes, and characters being irritating. There are some strong gore and torture scenes but they're not dwelt on too much, thank goodness, alongside some choice nudity from the actresses. It's all very poor indeed, apart from the scenes with Roberts and Berryman.

Half glorification of drugs and booze; half about involuntary organ harvesting.

[suite92 · 1/10 · 31 January 2014]

Walter and Trevor have quite a nasty but lucrative business going in black market organs. They set up at self storage facilities, do some business, then move on. They often supply Jonah, who has connections and access to lots of money.

Jake overhears Walter tell Trevor that they are leaving, and will fire Jake. So Jake sets up a party at the facility. In the process, he ruins the product that Walter and Trevor were going to sell to Jonah. To make things even worse, Jonah is coming that same night with money and people to collect the organs and whatever else was involved.

When Walter and Trevor go to check the product, they find that Jake has more or less destroyed all the organs being carried by the kidnapped victims. So the obvious choice is to harvest the organs from the drugged out fools at Jake's party.

The idiots continue to party. Trevor starts knocking them out and bringing them in for harvesting. After everyone else is captured or dead, Jake, Freddie, and Sara-Marie counter-attack using weapons stolen from someone's storage locker.

Who will come out of this happy (or alive)? Jake and friends? Jonah's mob? Walter and Trevor? None of the above?

-----Scores------

Cinematography: 5/10 Varies from sub-VHS quality to nice and clear. This is a bit jarring at times.

Sound: 3/10 OK, except that the actors speak now and then, and the incidental music is played.

Acting: 2/10 This is a vanity film for Tom DeNucci, who is not even convincing as a drugged out idiot. Veterans Eric Roberts and Michael Berryman certainly know how to act, but the weak star/director/writer did not get much out of them. Jonathan Silverman seemed to phone his performance in, but from a separate movie.

Screenplay: 2/10 The ideas were not too bad, but the execution was utter and complete nonsense. The ending was the worst, worse than all the rest of this wretched film put together.

Yep, Really PATHETIC!

[ikeybabe · 1/10 · 29 March 2014]

I watched this film because Eric Roberts is king of B-movies. But this doesn't even rank as a B-movie. This was incredibly hard to watch. *Spoiler Alert* I'm not supposed to root for the shady guys who steal organs from the innocent, right? But, I wanted everyone of those so- called college kids (yeah, sure they were college students) to bite it and have their bodies harvested down to bones and muscles. They were all so extremely unlikable - starting with security guard slacker and every single one of his idiot friends. The acting throughout this film was pathetic. The script was nonsense and the ending crap.It was nice to see Michael Berryman in a speaking role though. Usually he's relegated to grunts. Overall, one should avoid this clunker at all cost. And Tom DeNucci should find himself some classes or try another line of work.

The best word I can muster is "pathetic".

[TheatreNachos · 1/10 · 22 October 2013]

I'm not one to use hyperbole a lot when reviewing films. I never use "worst movie ever" or "this movie makes me want to rip my eyes out", etc. That said, this movie is awful. Although it's probably not the worst I've ever seen, it's the worst all-around film I've seen in a long time. By all-around I mean the acting, writing, directing, music, editing...the works. It's all bad with no real bright spot at all.

Without giving anything away, the film follows a young guy who works at a storage facility who decides to invite friends over to his job to have a small party after hours. Soon, the carnage begins and the party turns into a fight for survival. The filmmakers try their hardest to make the plot more than just a slasher film but their idea falls completely flat and begs for answers to logical questions...these questions are never answered as a result, I suspect, of lazy filmmaking. For example (of lazy filmmaking), in the first five minutes of the film, you see the main character playing guitar, smoking weed, and basically acting like a slacker. This montage during the credits is meant to tell us that this is the cool guy--but like any bad filmmaker--they use a series of stereotypical actions to show us this fact.

This model of using stereotypes is pretty much followed for every character in the film. So much so that some characters don't even appear to act like human beings, but cartoonish stereotypes of the type of person they are trying to portray. Even Eric Roberts seems embarrassed to be seen in this film. He has a very difficult time keeping his part together surrounded by such horrible acting.

The music is awful. Just crappy rock and alternative numbers that are probably songs from a band the director knows. They use the music like films from the 90's during suspenseful scenes: Play some generic metal guitar riff during chase scenes and some horrible rock song (with words!) during scenes you want us to believe have tension. Yes, it's that bad.

You get the idea here. This is a bad film. I would suggest only watching this if you are looking for a "what not to do in filmmaking" example or if you like to torture yourself with laughable movies. Otherwise, beware.

MOVE LIKE MICK JAGGER

[nogodnomasters · 8/10 · 31 May 2019]

Jake (Tom DeNucci) works for Eric Roberts and is mentored by Michael Berryman. He is a security guard at a Rhode Island self storage facility. Eric harvests organs from non-volunteer donors. Berryman helps him. Tonight is supposed to be their last big score and then they are going to close up. Jake overhears he will be out of a job and has a big party at the facility which included shutting off some electrical power, ruining the secret storage of organs. Eric Roberts needs organs ASAP and there is a group of party animals at the facility. Oh what to do. What to do.

The film was funny from a camp point of view. I found myself laughing at scenes when guys try to make the moves on the girls, or when Eric Roberts goes, "S***, I got the wrong knee." I enjoyed the dialog and the juxtaposition of the care free party to the seriousness of the organ harvesters. Kudos Tom DeNucci.

Parental Guide: F-bombs, sex, nudity (Lauren Bell, Vanessa Leigh) blood squirts

Pushes the Limits of Horror

[jlthornb51 · 10/10 · 6 June 2015]

Director Tom DeNucci, working from his own well-crafted script, brings one of the most disturbingly frightening films in decades to the screen. Eric Roberts gives one of his finest performances as Walter in the horrific story of a self-storage maze where madness reigns supreme. The suspense is unrelenting and the terror so intense it's unimaginable. The director masterfully creates an atmosphere of dread and stark raving fear, never falling into any cliché trap. The characters are well developed and we soon to care for them deeply as they fight for their very lives. A stunning film of unknown terror and overwhelming tension, this is one motion picture that demands to be seen.