What We Do in the Shadows (TV Series)

Pine Barrens (2022)

Anthony Atamanuik: Sean Rinaldi

Quotes 

• Sean Rinaldi : You know, you're lucky to have a guy like Lasz taking care of you. Colin:

  Colin Robinson : I guess. Sometimes I think that Lazzo doesn't like me so much.

  Sean Rinaldi : Are you kidding me? He loves you.

  Colin Robinson : He's always saying, "I'm not gonna have you grow up to be a bald-headed, energy-sucking bore."

  Sean Rinaldi : Huh, that's why my old man wouldn't let me watch PBS.

  Colin Robinson : Do you think I'm boring?

  Sean Rinaldi : What? You got your little computer pad, and a... stick. And a whole bunch of other neat stuff, right? What else do you like doing?

  Colin Robinson : Well, I like to go into the basement in the house and smash holes into the wall with a hammer. Like, really hard. Just over and over again. Just smashing and smashing and smashing, and I can't help it. It makes me feel good.

  [as he's listening, Sean moves the sling of his firearm to his other shoulder, further from Colin] 

  Sean Rinaldi : But like, only walls, right? You don't like, uh... smashing a person or something?

• Sean Rinaldi : [pointing at mounted deer head]  Now, that up there, I got that when I was 14. Took me nine shots, but I got it. First time I ever saw something die. But it wouldn't be the last.

  [opens beer] 

• Sean Rinaldi : Once we clear Keasbey, it's a straight shot down the Garden State Parkway until we hit the Pine Barrens. And let me tell you, the Pine Barrens is some forest primeval shit.

• Colin Robinson : Hey, Mr. Rinaldi, guess what?

  Sean Rinaldi : What?

  Colin Robinson : I don't believe the Jersey Devil is even real.

  Sean Rinaldi : All righty, then. I guess it's not my fault if he comes and eats you.

  Colin Robinson : Okay, well, if he's so real, then what does he look like?

  Sean Rinaldi : He's got dragon wings, and a half-goat horse face with a chinstrap beard like an Amish. And he's got hooves and horns, and two low-hanging balls with a button cock on top.

  Lazslo Cravensworth : [whispering]  Fantastic.

  Sean Rinaldi : And he creeps through the Pine Barrens, looking for little kids who don't believe in him.