- Nandor and Laszlo air out their differences on a hunting trip at an isolated cabin; Nadja has a girls' night; Guillermo reconnects with his family for the first time in 12 years.
- Sean takes the male vampires to his cabin in the woods, and Nadja takes the opportunity to have a girls' night with Marwa, the Guide, and Nadja doll. Meanwhile, Guillermo invites his family over to see where he's living, and their Van Helsing DNA starts to kick in when they meet Nadja.—Gislef
- On the West Shore Expressway, Sean is driving the male vampires to his cabin in the Pine Barrens, for a weekend hunting trip at his cabin. Nandor is less than thrilled. Nandor and Laszlo claim that they have to be back on Sunday for their "railway job" and Colin is the young Colin's uncle, thus the "family" resemblance.
At the residence, Nadja and the doll take a bath in blood, and Nadja enjoys having the house to herself. Guillermo is off on his own, and equally thrilled to have the house on his own, and figures he gets to do what he wants for a change. He's going to have his family over the next night, and is seeing them for the first time in twelve years.
At the cabin, Laszlo is attracting forest animals with his flute, while Nandor brings in the bags. Sean shares a beer with Laszlo and talks about how he shot a deer when he was young. Nandor complains to the crew that Laszlo thinks he knows everything and he can't admit when he doesn't, and Nandor can't abide such people. Laszlo complains about how Nandor isn't very smart. The two vampires end up arguing about Polish bowlers, and Colin looks up Polish bowlers on Wikipedia, proving Nandor wrong.
Once Sean dozes off, Laszlo and Nandor go off to hunt humans. Nandor uses his newly-practiced skill of echolocation to try and attract prey, while Colin talks to Laszlo about his computer game.
The next day Colin goes out hunting with Sean and Colin thinks that Laszlo doesn't like him much. He asks if Sean thinks he's boring, and Sean asks Colin what he likes to do. Colin says that he likes to go into the basement and smash holes in the wall, but only walls.
Nadja, the Nadja doll, the Guide, and Marwa party at the residence and have a girl's night. Marwa fits right in. Meanwhile in another room of the residence, Guillermo's family arrives and they all hug. Guillermo gives them a tour of his part of the house and then they sit down for dinner. He claims that he works at the railroad, and says that he got a promotion from Panera to the railroad because the Panera was at a train station. Guillermo tries to avoid going into detail.
Nadja wants to watch 'Mamma Mia!', her favorite, but Laszlo never lets her watch it.
At the cabin, Sean tells the vampires campfire stories around the fireplace. He talks about the Jersey Devil and describes it to prove to Colin that it exists. He knocks over a rifle and shatters a vase when it goes off. Laszlo and Nandor later tell the crew that the Devil doesn't exist, and it's just a story made up by vampires to account for all the bodies they leave in the woods. Nandor is disappointed when Laszlo says that Sean is his best friend. The men all share beers, while Colin plays on his computer. When Sean gets drunk, the vampires put him to bed
The women watch the movie, and Nadja goes to freshen her drink. She passes the dining room, sees what's going on, and introduces herself to Guillermo's family. Guillermo says that he's rich and has a maid, and his family remembers him saying that Nadja is his girlfriend. He admits that he claimed Nadja was his girlfriend to keep his mother from setting him up with a girl, and whispers to Nadja to play along. She does and sits down at the table to eat with the others. She calls Guillermo a shit bag but says that it's a pet name, and Guillermo's grandmother talks to him privately and says that their family has killed vampires, and Nadja is a vampire. He figures that his family has Van Helsing DNA like he does, and that's not so good.
At the cabin, Nandor asks Laszlo about him saying earlier that Nandor isn't a real soldier. Nandor insists that he will always be Nandor the Relentless, and they argue about how Nandor left the residence to "find himself" and came back with his tail between his legs. The two argue and Laszlo pulls a pistol, and Nandor takes out the arrangement they made about who would get the choice of houses in the residence when they first moved in. Laszlo called Nandor a "jabroni" and shoots at him, and Nandor dodges the bullets and insists he isn't a jabroni. One bullet finally hits him in the hand, and Sean comes in and asks what's going on. Laszlo says that Sean didn't hear gunshots, and they realize that Colin has wandered out.
Nadja gets along great with Guillermo's family, and is surprised that they're related to a dull guy like Guillermo. The family start to feel hot--due to their sense that a vampire is present--and lose their tempers. The grandmother finally says that Nadja is a monster, and she runs out with the family giving chase. Nadja runs through the house while the family throws stakes at her, and Guillermo begs them not to hurt Nadja. He finally tells his family the whole truth. They're more surprise when he says that he's gay, and they that they love him.
Laszlo and Nandor search the woods for Colin, and Laszlo apologizes to Nandor for shooting him. However, he points out that Nandor has been a jerk for no good reason. Nandor says that he has a reason, and they never hang together anymore. Laszlo admits that he feels the same way. They hear Colin's tablet and find him up in a tree playing with his tablet.
Sean yells for help, and they run back to the cabin to see the Jersey Devil. Laszlo plays his "magic flute" and the Devil gets close enough to grab him. Sean runs in to get his shotgun, while Laszlo and Nandor fight the Devil and Colin plays "Jersey music" on his tablet. The Devil throws the vampires away, but then daces to the music. Laszlo and Nandor get close enough to the Devil and drain him, and Sean runs out and accidentally shoots the cabin porch.
Nadja entrances the entire family and prepares to drain them, and Guillermo begs her to just hypnotize them into forgetting. She takes pity on Guillermo because she watches her own family die. She gives in but makes Guillermo promise to keep the guys away from the house one night a month. He also has to get her a copy of 'Mamma Mia! 2'. Guillermo is happy his family knows about everything, and makes Nadja promise to not make his family forget that he's gay.
Laszlo hypnotizes Sean into driving them home, and they bring the Devil home as a trophy.
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