When Louis Met... Max Clifford (2002 TV Movie)

Simon Cowell: Self

Quotes 

• [Max has taken Louis to the children's cancer unit of the Royal Marsden Hospital, where the boyband Westlife are coming to meet the children. Then Simon Cowell arrives] 

  Louis Theroux : Here he is, Simon Cowell!

  Simon Cowell : How are you?

  Louis Theroux : How do you do? Nice to meet you.

  [he shakes hands with Simon, who is smiling and friendly] 

  Louis Theroux : How about that? How about that? It's the whole Max Clifford menagerie. And what are you doing here, today?

  Simon Cowell : Well, that's a good question, actually...

  Max Clifford : He's guest of honour. Basically, he arranged it. Because it was - I spoke to Simon, he spoke to Westlife.

  Simon Cowell : Well, I brought the Westlife boys down, yeah.

  Louis Theroux : Did you? Because you're their producer.

  Simon Cowell : Yeah.

  Louis Theroux : How brilliant. How funny. So, I picked up my, uh, regular sunday paper yesterday, which is The Sport, of course, and read about your sexual prowess.

  Simon Cowell : And?

  Louis Theroux : Is that all you want to say? I've got it...

  [he pulls out a copy of the trashy tabloid paper. Simon laughs] 

  Simon Cowell : Can I just say there are children present here, Louis.

• Max Clifford : [discussing the previous night where Louis was dragged along to a strip club with Max, Simon Cowell, the Daily Mirror's 3am girls and some press photographers]  What was interesting at Spearmint Rhino last night was you, if you like, getting a little bit of the taste of the spotlight that you put on other people, and seeing how you react. And you looked very uncomfortable. And from what the other people have told me since, be it Ann-Marie, be it the girls from 3am, that you were very uncomfortable and looking extremely embarrassed.

  Louis Theroux : I did, I found it embarrassing.

  Max Clifford : Well, there you go. So that's what was interesting, you know, the biter gets bit. Which a lot of people could say the same thing applies to Max Clifford.

  Louis Theroux : I'm not a biter. I'm not a biter, am I, Simon?

  Simon Cowell : A nibbler.

  Louis Theroux : I'm a tickler.