American Dad! (TV Series)

Cops & Roger (2010)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien

Photos 

Quotes 

• Roger : My piece!

• Roger : [about his exam]  Why is this wrong? Next to "Miranda rights" I put, "Miranda has the right to a decent man who will help her raise her baby." Are these questions not about Sex and the City?

• Stan Smith : Roger's a dirty cop. He's been on the force for three hours.

• Klaus : You know what? I'm not gonna push the conversation. I'm just gonna chalk this up as a "W."

  Stan Smith : Shut up, Klaus!

  Klaus : And I broke even.

  Francine Smith : Quiet, Klaus!

  Klaus : And I blew it.

• Stan Smith : [Stan is mingling]  Best looking guy in the group

  [a better looking guy enters] 

  Stan Smith : uh no this guy is, why don't you go find another group handsome

• Stan Smith : [on the phone to Director Bullock]  I have something you're gonna wanna see, no it's not nude photos of Talia Shire, I'm not asking you to guess, no I'm not getting you a belt, you can wait, sir stop it

• Roger : Somebody, please! My name is Clive Trotter and I'm an American, and I am in trouble!

• Roger : Steve, you have to help me. I can't stop thinking about what happened. Francine got mugged and I just sat there. I was useless and pathetic and weak. How do you live with yourself when you feel that way?

  Steve Smith : I guess most people just...

  Roger : No, I'm talking about you specifically. How do you, Steve, live with yourself?

  Steve Smith : Charming. This side of you is charming.

• Roger : Once upon a time, there was a little alien who went to the police academy.

  [imitates the "Charlie's Angels" opening credits and the kitchen explodes, causing Francine to scream] 

  Roger : Had to blow up the kitchen, Frannie. It goes real well with this thing I'm imagining.

• Steve Smith : You joined the police academy, Roger? Sounds pretty bad-ass.

  Francine Smith : Steve, language!

  Roger : Shut the fuck up, Frannie. The boy's expressing himself.

• Roger : I'm tired of being weak! Help me!

  Stan Smith : I've been waiting to hear those words for a long time. I just prayed they would come from my son and not an alien in a sports bra.

  Roger : It's a support tank. It's too small. It rode up my belly.

• Roger : Chaz, can you take me home? My tummy doesn't feel so good. I should have just had sex with that mayonnaise.